I need some advice on my current situation. I’m a dad of one, my son lives with his mother. Shes a good mum and we get on well for the sake of our son.
Since we divorced five years ago, I hadn’t had a relationship with anyone. It was a very difficult breakup for me (she had an affair) and frankly I was a mess. I couldn’t even think about a new relationship for years.
A year ago, a woman I’ve been acquainted with for a few years through a hobby started coming to my local pub on a regular basis. We got chatting and started hanging out together, although I didn’t ask her out on a date because honestly I didn’t see her that way. For a start she’s considerably younger than me (mid 20s, I am late 30s) and as I said before, I simply wasn’t looking for a relationship.
One night we got drunk and she surprised me by saying what a lovely guy I was and that she’d been waiting for me to ask her out for ages. Since that night I started to see her differently and eventually did ask her out on a date.
That was almost a year ago and we’ve been going steady ever since. But I’m starting to get a few alarm bells. For example she has 3 young children (she had the first 2 in her late teens) and their father sees them once a month if that. She says he is a bad father not only with seeing them but paying maintenance. Every so often she breaks down and cries about how broke she is and that she can’t afford to support her children. And as a parent myself I can’t bear the thought of them wanting for food/clothes/heating, and I feel very protective of her too. After all she is my girlfriend and I want to take care of her and make her happy. So I give her money and take her shopping and all is well until the next time.
The thing is, I’m starting to get concerned that she only wants me because I can provide her and her children financial security. I’m not entirely sure that she’s not still hung up and sleeping with her ex, her children’s father when he sees the children. She was very much in love with him and I’m just not convinced that she feels the same way about me although she says she absolutely does and more.
I do care for her. But I’m getting cold feet about getting further involved. After all I have my own son to provide for and if I were to have another child with my girlfriend, I believe she would expect me to take on her other children as well.
I’m thinking of ending the relationship but am worried that I’m not giving her the benefit of the doubt by even wondering if she’s a gold digger. I feel terrible even writing that. I was genuinely completely smitten with her at first and I still think she’s very lovely. And I feel guilty even asking these questions.