DH rough with baby DS

[leopardisaneutral]

DS is a twin. He’s 17 weeks old, but was born at 34 weeks. He still weighs less than 10lb. He cries a lot as has bad reflux, but is the sweetest baby. Both babies are good sleepers. DH is still getting his eight hours a night and if they wake it’s my deal anyway as I’m breastfeeding them both. Just mentioning this for context before anyone mentions sleep deprevation!

DH was on night shift last night and came back at 9am and went to bed. Fair enough. I was supposed to be meeting a friend in the afternoon and had asked if he could care for DS as he hates going out in the cold for any length of time. I was taking DT2with me as he’s a bottle refuser so superglued to me.

Babies kept crying every time I tried to get ready, so DH got up about 12.30 so I could get dressed. I gave him DS to hold as he was crying and popped into kitchen. I came back to see DH handling DS in a really inappropriate fashion. He wasn’t quite shaking him but was bouncing him up and down far harder and faster than is safe! I screamed at him to stop and grabbed DS out of his arms. His first reaction was that I was making it up and he’d done nothing wrong. This soon switched to utter hysterics and promised he’ll never do it again. He’s still apologising now.

I just feel numb. I was supposed to be going out with DM tomorrow and leaving DS with him. I’ve told him there’s no way I can do that now. He says he can be trusted, but he’s clearly shown me today that isn’t the case. I don’t know what to do

Tinysleepy’s advice is good OP. I hope today’s been ok and you’re being kind to yourself and taking any family support offered.

There are so many horrible real life stories about mistreated babies including the recent one about a three week old. How many of those cases started with someone shaking a baby in frustration? I would be very concerned if I were you.

Please see a Dr OP.

I understand you are exhausted, emotional and worried about what might happen. Your absolute primary duty is to protect your children though.

I’m sure that is what you would want your DH to do if it were the other way around and you were not feeling yourself.

You said your DH handled the baby too roughly and quickly before, so this is not the first time. Your gut instinct is correct, you did not imagine what you saw or overreact.

Social services do not rush around taking babies from mothers, they really don’t. If you speak up then you will be seen as a mother who can be trusted with her babies.

If you don’t? You will seen as covering your DH’s actions and complicit in child abuse. And that is what you will be if you do not ask for help from a professional without delay. I second the social worker who posted earlier. You do not know for certain that your baby does not need medical attention, please put him first, he cannot speak up for himself and you are his mother.

I had one incident with my son where he was crying all the time, my ex would just up and leave to go somewhere after I had done a 12 hour shift (lazy c*w ) , and been up with him for 2 am feeds the night before. I remember once losing it and being rougher than I would normally be putting him back in the cot, not shaking him but firm,he was one at the time. I called my mother who admitted that she had done the same to me. I felt devastated and it never happened again but sleep deprivation and being handed the babies when just got back from a very hard day can drive nerves to the limit especially after weeks and weeks of it.

Worry there is a bit of a difference between a gritted teeth firm hold and handling of the baby as you put them somewhere safe away from you because you know you’ve lost control and the mental zoning out while continuing to roughly handle a small baby and take your furistration out on them rather than removing them from you. He should have put the roaring baby on the floor and walked out. But he didn’t, he sat there and mistreated the baby feeding his fury.

@leopardisaneutral how are you all now the dust is settling?

I hope you are all doing ok OP