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Original poster

Would you tell if you learned of two people having an affair?

55 replies

avoschmado · 09/12/2018 15:10

Just that. They've kept it hidden for five long years but now I know - she, the other woman, told me. He's married with two kids. Now that I know I feel burdened by it and it's eating away at me. Would you say something to the wife?

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 09/12/2018 15:11

What is your relationship to the husband, wife and OW?

Original poster
avoschmado · 09/12/2018 15:13

OW is a family member.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2018 15:13

No

ScreamingValenta · 09/12/2018 15:15

If you don't have a close relationship with the husband or wife, I wouldn't get involved.

The OW might have told you in the hope you'd say something to the wife and force the issue - stay away from the drama.

Klobuchar · 09/12/2018 15:15

No. Nothing to do with you. I’m sorry you feel burdened by the knowledge but that will wear off. Forget you even know.

Yinv · 09/12/2018 15:17

Do you know the man, the wife or the kids?

Yinv · 09/12/2018 15:19

The impact of telling someone is horrific. I know a woman who’s cheating on her dh. I don’t know him (the husband), but I do know where he lives. I haven’t told him because blowing apart a family is so hideous. It’s very hard to know what the right thing is.

starzig · 09/12/2018 15:50

Nah. None of my business. And if someone told me of my hubby's affair, I would tell them to mind their own.

Baking101 · 09/12/2018 16:03

Yeah I would say something. It's her choice if she believes it or not but she deserves to know.

Your family member is horrible by the way. I wouldn't speak to them again if it was mh family.

xpc316e · 09/12/2018 16:05

I was good friends with a colleague at work and over a period of about 10 years our wives also became very close. We used to holiday together and I thought a lot of my pal and his wife.

He began an affair with a much younger woman and eventually left his wife for her. After a couple of months he returned and they decided to give the marriage another try.

A few months later he had to go to Spain on business and I discovered that he took his former mistress with him. My wife and I agonised for days over whether we should tell his wife what he was up to. Eventually I called her and delivered the bad news. She confronted him with her knowledge and he came home. They are still married, as far as I know. I have lost touch with them on purpose, because I did not approve of the way he treated his wife. She never knew that the only man she had ever kissed had a seven year affair that began a week after their marriage. I kept that knowledge to myself, as telling her would have served no purpose.

The bottom line is that I have no regrets about telling my friend of her husband's infidelity, and would cheerfully do it again.

sparklesaremyfavourite · 09/12/2018 16:44

Honestly I would tell her to stop, tell, or I tell.

Nobody deserves to be deceived. Ignorance isn't bliss. And anyway I wouldn't feel guilty because it's going to come out eventually anyway, and I'm not the one cheating. They are!

Extrastout · 09/12/2018 16:48

No, it might cool off and they could remain together for the rest of their days. I wouldn't play with fire and throw a grenade into someones life.

lalalalyra · 09/12/2018 16:49

If the OW is telling people then it's going to come out. I wouldn't tell - only because I did once before and this messenger got well and truly shot for it. The wife hated me for telling her, the husband hated me for blowing his affair and the OW hated me because she believes if I hadn't said anything he'd eventually have left. Their kids caused mine hassles at school, joint friends took sides and felt like they "had" to go with the wife as she was hurting, which now means they all play cosy mates with the still-married couple. Never again would I get involved.

DragonSnaps · 09/12/2018 16:50

I'd want to know if it were me. If someone I trusted, knew without a doubt that my dh was cheating, then I would be rather be told.

JudgeRindersMinder · 09/12/2018 16:54

I’d keep my big fat nose out. The most I would do is to say to my relative that I don’t want to hear anything about it

Wordthe · 09/12/2018 16:57

why would she tell you?
I'd worry that I was being lined up as a messenger ripe for shooting, I think I'd act like I didnt know, misheard or misunderstood, seriously who wants to get tangled up in someone else's web of deceit!

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 16:58

Do you know the man and his family?

I woild not. She told you in confidence and I could not betray that confidence.

Pogmella · 09/12/2018 17:00

My husband cheated on me. I had suspicions for a while and he was gaslighting the hell out of me. I would have welcomed an anonymous tip off with either a time or place (something kind of concrete). If you told me to my face i'd have somewhat desperately interrogated you for details you probably wouldn't have.

halfwitpicker · 09/12/2018 17:01

She told you in confidence and I could not betray that confidence.

^^
This.

And she shouldn't have, obviously.

Original poster
avoschmado · 09/12/2018 17:12

I know him well enough as in to say hello if I passed him in Sainsbury's iykwim. She's told a few of us within the family but it's deluded; she genuinely thinks they're in a picture perfect relationship. What's worse? She works for the wife.

I'll refrain from passing comment as I don't want to be the one to cause flames - but passing judgement on my relative... can't do. She's a twat.

OP posts:
ShalomJackie · 09/12/2018 17:16

I might suggest she looks for another job. It is not going to end well.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 17:17

No I couldn't betray this confidence, possibly split a family. Lose her her job, no, for all you know it could end with no catastrophe occurring.

UpstartCrow · 09/12/2018 17:18

Unless I had proof, no. She could be shit stirring.

Pixel99 · 09/12/2018 17:21

Tough one. Do you know the wife? I would have appreciated a heads up from someone in the know. Ex told a few mates what he was up. Having said that I still caught him in the act so to speak and gathered enough evidence to sink several marriages. But to tell someone that a partner is cheating, I'd need irrefutable evidence. Ex wanted to sail / drive off into the sunset with OW and then introduce her sometime later as his new partner - guilt free of course. At least I was able to stop that. I 100% am glad I uncovered the truth and don't wonder why my marriage ended. I am in a much better place now - even after all the hurt and pain.

Wordthe · 09/12/2018 17:21

She's told a few of us within the family but it's deluded; she genuinely thinks they're in a picture perfect relationship. What's worse? She works for the wife
she's setting you all up ready for a big ole showdown, don your hardhat and run for cover

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