Would you tell if you learned of two people having an affair?

[avoschmado]

Just that. They've kept it hidden for five long years but now I know - she, the other woman, told me. He's married with two kids. Now that I know I feel burdened by it and it's eating away at me. Would you say something to the wife?

You don't know him or his wife, so you don't know all the circumstances and have no 'interest' in it IFKWIM. I wouldn't get involved. Its not your problem. And it may well be that your intervention may not "solve" anything either, or it might make things worse. Try not to feel burdened with it, its not anything to do with you or anything you can make better or worse.

Yes I would without questioning it.

Imagine the fall out if they found out you knew and never said anything. Plus could you carry the dirty secret with you? No one with a conscience could.

My brother had an affair & I always said I wouldn't voluntarily tell his wife that I knew but that I also wouldn't outright lie for him - so when she asked me if he was having an affair I told her the truth.

Heck no!

I know my ex friend has cheated on his fiancé, with males and females. And given the chance he will do it again. Hence why he is an ex friend.

Everyone thinks his relationship is so sweet. I've been wondering if I should tell his fiancé but tbh she is a bitch and I still think they will skip off happily into the sunset.

Someone will tell one day though. Always get caught out don't they?

She probably already knows. I'd kee0 quiet. Most couples have affairs anyway.

@NotScrewingUpNow that's a sad way of thinking. Most don't at all.

I would want to know if I was the wife. Irrespective of who told me or the damage it caused... better than living a lie which is what she is unknowingly doing.

No. I'd mind my own business.

She's your relative - you'd be causing trouble within your own family, not just this couple's life.

I would absolutely let people know what was going on.
I was the wife whose (then) husband was having an affair. I went through months (if not years) of torment and thinking I was going mad because of my suspicions.
Turns out I was the last to know of his affair and felt extremely sad that no one who knew thought to tell me because they didn’t think it was any of their business.

@NotScrewingUpNow what?? That's a sour way to look at things.

Absolutely not.

It is nothing to do with you, and you have no business barging into someone else's life. You have no personal stake in the other people, you barely know them.

I can understand you would rather not know, but it doesn't bestow any responsibility on you and It isn't against the law.

Tell your relative what you think about it and how you feel, if you must - she risked that much by telling you, and maybe she will think twice - but ore fool her for throwing her life away as a bit on the side.

nope!

I would tell him that I know and he either splits with OW or leaves his wife in a dignified manner. If I was good friends with the wife I'd tell her

i would tell.
Thats 5 years of that poor womans life being in a lie - how much longer?
Fuck that, save her from longer misery

Having been cheated on I wish someone had told me.

They've got kids. Give the wife a heads up and a chance to get her ducks in a row.

In your position no, I wouldn’t tell. Different I think if your primary relationship is with the person being cheated on. Then I’d tell.

My xbf finished with me a couple of weeks ago, I since found out there's OW and what's worse is that she's married with 5 kids!! Also struggling with holding in the guilt of knowing.

Horrible dilemma. I feel for you.
Can you persuade your family member to call it off? Or at very least tell her to get another job? She’s got some brass neck working with the wife all this time. How can someone do that? Plus the humiliation of finding out someone working with you been sleeping with your husband for five years!
If you found out and you knew wife I’d say tell her but this is harder. Whilst I think the wife should be told - I’m not sure if you should tell her. If I was wife I’d want to know and I’d want to be able to choose leaving with my kids. But in your position I don’t think you should tell her as you don’t know enough about that couple. But tell the OW she’s behaving badly and should stop.

I think she's told people because she wants it out there as she believes the DW will chuck him out and she'll get the prize...

No and I don’t see why it has anything to do with you if you only know the OW. Of course you could be like some people on MN who absolutely love the drama of it who would be salivating at the “righteousness” of telling someone under these circumstances.

You know the old saying

Don’t shoot the messenger ...well

I found out myself that my ex was having an affair and got rid of him. Then some of my so called friends admitted they knew and that he had several flings during our many years together. I was more livid with them for keeping me in the dark and continuing in my sham of a marriage. I would certainly tell without a doubt.