I need some advice from a man please...

[LazyDaisy87]

... or from a woman who understands men!

I'm physically separated from someone I consider to be my soulmate. I think he feels the same way. Will he be missing me or is it a case of out of sight out of mind for guys?

[Cambionome]

Op - how old are you?
Tbh - your question sounds a bit daft and immature...

[Claw001]

Why are you physically separated?

Temporarily? Long distance relationship? Separated after a bust up?

[Aussiebean]

None of us are psychic. Neither are you.

If you aren’t sure how he feels then you need to actually ask him. What’s he feeling, where does he see it going? Etc

You need to ask him... not us.

[LazyDaisy87]

Thanks everyone. We haven't started a relationship yet. There's an enormous amount of chemistry there and a soulmate connection. But we are physically far apart now.

I don't feel ready to ask him how he sees things moving forwards. I guess I'm too scared.

I'm not particularly young.

[ElonMask]

I don't miss people - ever.

Sounds like your ex had a lucky escape.

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

How physically far apart...

I think that, if there is a great distance, you need to consider two things: that long distance relationships can only happen and succeed if there is a great deal of open communication and commitment and whether it is really worth it if the distance prohiibits you from spending time with each other in any meaningful sense.

I know what you mean, I had a 'soulmate connection' (although I don't believe in soulmates) with a man and a relationship with him was impossible - we were too different; had very different life experiences; very different relationship needs and expectations... but we still care about each other very deeply and are very close. He's quite unique in a number of ways but sometimes you just have to accept that it isn't going to work.

And if you can't even talk to him about how you feel... is there really any future in it?

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

Sounds like your ex had a lucky escape.

Why? Just because I didn't sit around moping when he wasn't there? I didn't say I didn't look forward to seeing him when I knew I was going to or that I didn't treat him with respect.

Just that I didn't feel that I 'missed' him when he wasn't there. What's the point in missing someone when you know you're going to see them again?

[ElonMask]

Missing someone and sitting around moping are two very different things.

I miss my husband if he has to travel without me and I hope he would miss me as well.

I miss my kids when I don't see them, I miss my dog when we are on holiday etc etc.

I think for some reason you have come up with a very negative definition of missing someone.

If you don't miss someone you claim to love then something is far wrong.

[Trinity66]

I think it's a psychic you need to ask, not a man!

[LazyDaisy87]

GoblinsAndGhouls the physical distance is great but not insurmountable.

I see what you're saying about talking about things. The funny thing is that we talk about absolutely everything except this. I have never been so close to another human being before. I think we're both scared that the other one might not feel the same way but we don't want to risk ruining what we do have by being honest.

[LazyDaisy87]

Trinity66, you're right. I need a psychic!

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

I miss my kids when I don't see them, I miss my dog when we are on holiday etc etc.

Ah see I don't miss my children either! My daugther went away for a few days with her dad last week/weekend and I didn't miss her. I looked forward to see her when she got back but I didn't miss her whilst she was away because I knew she was having a good time and I was busy doing other things.

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

I think you definitely need to talk then, LazyDaisy !

There's no harm in acknowledging that it's a difficult thing to talk about or how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Especially if you both feel similarly.

But avoiding it is just making you feel unsure and uncertain and that's no way to live!

[Sethis]

I'm a man in a LDR. My DP is happy to go 48 hours or so with no communication of any kind. I check my phone every 30 minutes or so, every day, all day, to make sure she hasn't messaged me.

I'm very much aware that we're on somewhat opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to that, specifically, but we compromise and we make it work. I don't take it to mean that she loves me less, or that she doesn't miss me, simply that we have different inbuilt levels of communication, which is fine. She helps me to be less clingy, I help her to be less dismissive, we both grow as people.

To answer your question, yes, men miss the people they love deeply. We don't all ignore our partners unless we want sex or another sandwich making... despite what some people might tell you!

[DadJoke]

LazyDaisy87 You have to talk! If you are right and the connection is there, you need to discuss it. Managing long distance relationships is hard. There is social pressure on men not to acknowledge their feelings, but that's a big generalisation. I miss my partner very much when she is away, but I make damn sure I am not moping around.

[myfatarse]

Taking everything that has been said so far, can you explain how you feel when you miss someone?

I can go away without my DC/DH and vice versa and don't think i miss them, like someone said up thread, i wonder what they're upto and can't wait to see them but that's it, i know i'lll see them soon and that kind of quenches my first for them (so to speak)

[LazyDaisy87]

myfatarse, I think if you know that you're going to see them soon then it's not so bad.

For me personally, if I don't have a specific date in the diary then I find myself thinking about him a lot. I dream about him and when I wake up I feel the loss even more because I know there's no plan to meet. Sometimes it feels like a physical ache in my stomach. Mostly it's a dragging, heavy feeling around my heart. I think about holding him, kissing him. I catch notes of his aftershave on other people and it thrills me but then my heart sinks again.

And then, when I'm with him, it's like everything is right with the world. Everything is how it should be. I'm happy, so at peace. I also get that happy, peaceful feeling after communicating with him by text/phone but it only lasts up to a day until I start to miss him again.

[Knittink]

What a weird question! Do all women have the same emotional reactions to things? Nope, obviously not. So why on earth would men? They are individuals. You sound very melodramatic and teenagery in the way you describe this person tbh.

[LazyDaisy87]

I didn't mean to sound weird Knittink. As you say, we are all different.

[Snowballs4ever]

Goblins I agree with you! I don't miss people ever really. I am happy when I see them though. Even my children if they're away. I'm always occupied with work, hobbies etc.

The only people I suppose I miss are those who've died, as I know I won't see them again.

[MovemberBlues]

snowballs has it for me. I desperately miss my grandfather who died 35 years ago, and I miss my mum who died three years ago, but I don't miss my children or my dad because I know I'll see them again.

I'm female, not that that makes any difference.

As I've got older and happier in myself, I suppose I miss living people less. I miss my dogs if I leave them for more than a couple of hours though - because they miss me. Maybe there's something in that?

And 'soulmate connection'?? Purlease. No such thing in a new relationship, though it can develop..

[ElonMask]

I think people are getting confused about the definition of missing someone surely ?

If you are saying that were your partner or children, supposing you have them, were to move away for an extended period of time, if you are saying would not miss them, the I can't believe that. There is no point in your relationship.

If you mean you don't miss them because you have arranged your life (by LIVING WITH THEM!) In such a way that you see them all the time then that's entirely a different thing.

How would you feel if your husband would not see you for a year but said he was not bothered about that and would not miss you ?

How odd

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

If you are saying that were your partner or children, supposing you have them, were to move away for an extended period of time, if you are saying would not miss them, the I can't believe that. There is no point in your relationship

Well I can't speak for extended periods of time but I've gone 2 weeks without seeing my children when they've been on holiday with their dad and I can't say I've ever missed them.

I hope they're ok. I hope they're having a good time. But I don't feel any sense of longing or 'loss'. I don't 'feel' that they are not there. If that makes sense.

[LazyDaisy87]

MovemberBlues, I didn't believe in soulmates either until I met him. I'm middle aged btw.

[ElonMask]

Goblins

Not really in afraid. I also can't believe the cant speak for extended periods of time baloney either. It's a simple enough question, suppose your children went to live with their dad - you're basically saying you would be indifferent about it and wouldn't miss having them around. It's a very odd view of things.