I need some advice from a man please...

[LazyDaisy87]

... or from a woman who understands men!

I'm physically separated from someone I consider to be my soulmate. I think he feels the same way. Will he be missing me or is it a case of out of sight out of mind for guys?

[RollsEyes]

Yes!!! So pleased for you. Sometimes it pays to be brave (in a cool way ).

[LazyDaisy87]

RollsEyes, I've done it. Not your exact words but something similar. He replied positively.

[RollsEyes]

Just text him "I'd like to see you again" and see how he reacts. Simple. Do it now.

[dragonflyflew]

NotTheFordType

always make sure you make shit tea and coffee, and can't type, otherwise bosses will put you where you belong in the pigeonhole

Brilliant off topic post

[Brel]

It has nothing to do with your gender. I also don't believe in soul mates; a coup de foudre yes, but a soul mate that's a bit much.

Anyway I can't really help you.

I always get into trouble with communication in a relationship; probably since I don't have (very) high communication needs; I do when they are in my presence, not if they are away. E.g.: "I haven't texted you -I hate texting-, and you haven't sent anything all day !", "Do you actually like me?" (that was weird; all because I didn't communicate for a 1 week vacation), or this one was also particularly bizarre; she wanted to go shopping with me for clothes (for me; I prefer going alone but I thought why not) apparently I was subliminally to know that even that she said that she didn't want anything that I should have offered to buy her something small like a sweater.

I do think if he genuinely likes you, that he would make a real effort.

Very helpful you see.

[ChristmasRaven]

It is an interesting topic in general though. My DS is moving out soon (and far away, though I will be able to visit) and we're packing all his stuff before he goes (even though he won't be taking it all initially) so I can nick his room! It's because I plan to knock through a wall and make it bigger. But we joke about me being in there with a hammer the day after he goes! (not far from the truth!). Yet some people keep their child's room the same for years. He jokes about being offended but luckily he knows how much I love him and that it's nothing personal! I guess I will miss him but then we'll also be messaging and skyping sometimes and, along with the visits, I don't think I will be wallowing in misery or anything.

[NotTheFordType]

^ This.

It's extremely individual.

When I broke up with my last LTR we'd been living together for over 3 years. He left me for OW.

I didn't miss his company at all. I enjoyed being able to please myself in terms of food, TV, etc.

I was fucking fuming at him though! Very very angry.

[richdeniro]

The way people miss and feel each other is mostly dependent on attachment types I would imagine.

I am a guy but have a Anxious attachment type so feel very strongly and romanticise the way I feel when I am with someone.

My ex was an avoidant attachment and so when we broke up essentially buried her feelings and was able to move onto someone new in a matter of days whereas I was devastated for months and had to go to therapy.

It's definitely not a male/female thing.

[ElonMask]

I means as in love with their dad permanently Goblins

OP I do believe that if he feels strongly for you then he will think about you and would wish he was with you. Most relationships end up in some kind of cohabitation as the partners want to spend time with each other rather than by themselves.

[ElonMask]

Goblins

Not really in afraid. I also can't believe the cant speak for extended periods of time baloney either. It's a simple enough question, suppose your children went to live with their dad - you're basically saying you would be indifferent about it and wouldn't miss having them around. It's a very odd view of things.

[LazyDaisy87]

MovemberBlues, I didn't believe in soulmates either until I met him. I'm middle aged btw.

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

If you are saying that were your partner or children, supposing you have them, were to move away for an extended period of time, if you are saying would not miss them, the I can't believe that. There is no point in your relationship

Well I can't speak for extended periods of time but I've gone 2 weeks without seeing my children when they've been on holiday with their dad and I can't say I've ever missed them.

I hope they're ok. I hope they're having a good time. But I don't feel any sense of longing or 'loss'. I don't 'feel' that they are not there. If that makes sense.

[ElonMask]

I think people are getting confused about the definition of missing someone surely ?

If you are saying that were your partner or children, supposing you have them, were to move away for an extended period of time, if you are saying would not miss them, the I can't believe that. There is no point in your relationship.

If you mean you don't miss them because you have arranged your life (by LIVING WITH THEM!) In such a way that you see them all the time then that's entirely a different thing.

How would you feel if your husband would not see you for a year but said he was not bothered about that and would not miss you ?

How odd

[MovemberBlues]

snowballs has it for me. I desperately miss my grandfather who died 35 years ago, and I miss my mum who died three years ago, but I don't miss my children or my dad because I know I'll see them again.

I'm female, not that that makes any difference.

As I've got older and happier in myself, I suppose I miss living people less. I miss my dogs if I leave them for more than a couple of hours though - because they miss me. Maybe there's something in that?

And 'soulmate connection'?? Purlease. No such thing in a new relationship, though it can develop..

[Snowballs4ever]

Goblins I agree with you! I don't miss people ever really. I am happy when I see them though. Even my children if they're away. I'm always occupied with work, hobbies etc.

The only people I suppose I miss are those who've died, as I know I won't see them again.

[LazyDaisy87]

I didn't mean to sound weird Knittink. As you say, we are all different.

[Knittink]

What a weird question! Do all women have the same emotional reactions to things? Nope, obviously not. So why on earth would men? They are individuals. You sound very melodramatic and teenagery in the way you describe this person tbh.

[LazyDaisy87]

myfatarse, I think if you know that you're going to see them soon then it's not so bad.

For me personally, if I don't have a specific date in the diary then I find myself thinking about him a lot. I dream about him and when I wake up I feel the loss even more because I know there's no plan to meet. Sometimes it feels like a physical ache in my stomach. Mostly it's a dragging, heavy feeling around my heart. I think about holding him, kissing him. I catch notes of his aftershave on other people and it thrills me but then my heart sinks again.

And then, when I'm with him, it's like everything is right with the world. Everything is how it should be. I'm happy, so at peace. I also get that happy, peaceful feeling after communicating with him by text/phone but it only lasts up to a day until I start to miss him again.

[myfatarse]

Taking everything that has been said so far, can you explain how you feel when you miss someone?

I can go away without my DC/DH and vice versa and don't think i miss them, like someone said up thread, i wonder what they're upto and can't wait to see them but that's it, i know i'lll see them soon and that kind of quenches my first for them (so to speak)

[DadJoke]

LazyDaisy87 You have to talk! If you are right and the connection is there, you need to discuss it. Managing long distance relationships is hard. There is social pressure on men not to acknowledge their feelings, but that's a big generalisation. I miss my partner very much when she is away, but I make damn sure I am not moping around.

[Sethis]

I'm a man in a LDR. My DP is happy to go 48 hours or so with no communication of any kind. I check my phone every 30 minutes or so, every day, all day, to make sure she hasn't messaged me.

I'm very much aware that we're on somewhat opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to that, specifically, but we compromise and we make it work. I don't take it to mean that she loves me less, or that she doesn't miss me, simply that we have different inbuilt levels of communication, which is fine. She helps me to be less clingy, I help her to be less dismissive, we both grow as people.

To answer your question, yes, men miss the people they love deeply. We don't all ignore our partners unless we want sex or another sandwich making... despite what some people might tell you!

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

I think you definitely need to talk then, LazyDaisy !

There's no harm in acknowledging that it's a difficult thing to talk about or how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Especially if you both feel similarly.

But avoiding it is just making you feel unsure and uncertain and that's no way to live!

[GoblinsAndGhouls]

I miss my kids when I don't see them, I miss my dog when we are on holiday etc etc.

Ah see I don't miss my children either! My daugther went away for a few days with her dad last week/weekend and I didn't miss her. I looked forward to see her when she got back but I didn't miss her whilst she was away because I knew she was having a good time and I was busy doing other things.

[LazyDaisy87]

Trinity66, you're right. I need a psychic!

[LazyDaisy87]

GoblinsAndGhouls the physical distance is great but not insurmountable.

I see what you're saying about talking about things. The funny thing is that we talk about absolutely everything except this. I have never been so close to another human being before. I think we're both scared that the other one might not feel the same way but we don't want to risk ruining what we do have by being honest.