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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My ex has completely blanked me for the last 4 days...

58 replies

Hidinginthebath · 03/12/2018 23:37

We split up about 3 weeks ago, I moved out of his and into a place I bought. We were having really bad problems because basically he's an addict.

I had to move myself in one day, with no help so left various stuff at his, most of which he returned but my tortoise is still there and he owes me £600. Anyway we had a major disagreement on Thursday night, about him prioritising drugs (again) over bringing me something. He lied to me saying he couldn't come over that night because he had a bad back but basically he's been phoning in sick at work on gone on a massive binge I think, because he got a loan on Wednesday.

I haven't heard anything from him since Thursday night. I've sent two messages and just tried to ring him and he's blanking me. I need to get my tortoise back and I also want him to pay me at least some of the money he owes me. What the fuck do I do? He's broken me. I am the one being blanked and ignored but I haven't done anything to him. I feel totally lost and stuck.

OP posts:

RagingWhoreBag · 03/12/2018 23:42

I’d write off the money as it sounds like he’s never going to be in a position to give it to you instead of spend it on drugs.

Just tell him you want to collect your tortoise, don’t mention the money and he’ll be more likely to answer.

RestingButchFace · 03/12/2018 23:43

Honestly I think you are going to have to write the money off. An addiction is never going to pay you back over buying drugs. The Tortoise matter could you go over and get it? Did you leave your key with him?. If so is there a friend or relative that yiu could send over to pick him or her up.

Congratulations on getting out and starting a new life free of wondering when he was next going to let you down. Enjoy your new home. Stay strong, he will not be wilfully igboring you to get a reaction he will not even be thinking of you, what he will be doing is getting off his head without you nagging him or having to hide the fact. Sorry but that is how addicts work.

Dirtybadger · 03/12/2018 23:43

Is your tortoise microchipped? They are valuable. Get over there with someone (for safety?) at some point and get it.

You will probably never see the £600, sorry. It doesn't sound like he has £600 or the capability of saving it. And lots of people with disposable incomes without addictions still wouldn't pay an ex back even though they easily could...

Original poster

Hidinginthebath · 03/12/2018 23:46

Yes, I'll write off the money but the tortoise is my DD's only pet and she keeps asking for it. I don't have a key

I hope the tortoise is still alive. I am fucking furious that he thinks he can just cut me off like this after all the shit he has put me through.

OP posts:

Drogosnextwife · 03/12/2018 23:46

Get someone to go with you when you know be is in to collect the tortoise. I would write the money off. If you feel really strongly about it you could take him to court, but that would cost money and you would probably need some good evidence that he owed it to you.

RestingButchFace · 03/12/2018 23:50

Are you in touch with any of your old neighbours. If so could they let you know when he is in and you could go to his and get the Tortoise with someone else so you are safe?

Original poster

Hidinginthebath · 08/12/2018 21:09

An update. I arranged for his ex to let me into the house today to get my tortoise.

I was just about to set off with my DD to get him and the WANKER ex text me to say the tortoise is dead

He hasn't moved for a few days apparently. He had food and drink but didn't access any.

I couldn't tell DD she will be devastated.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 08/12/2018 21:13

Shouldn't be be hibernating?

Beaverhausen · 08/12/2018 21:15

Tortoise could be hibernating. Take him to a vets.

JennyHolzersGhost · 08/12/2018 21:18

Go and pick the tortoise up anyway.

ForeignElf · 08/12/2018 21:20

Ask for the tortoise to see if he is telling the truth 😔 Al-anon might be helpful for you too x

percheron67 · 08/12/2018 21:22

Poor little tortoise. I really hate it when people have animals and either can't be bothered to look after them properly or take the trouble to find out the correct thing to do. For crying out loud rescue the dear little mite.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 21:24

I would go check that it's dead, he might have SOLD it

furrysheep · 08/12/2018 21:27

I hope he hasn't sold it and is just pretending it's dead. Although it's also terrible if he's just let it die. How awful.
I do think you should have taken the tortoise as priority though when taking your things when you know what he is like. But I know hindsight is a wonderful thing and all that.

Dasher1 · 08/12/2018 21:35

Agree with the PP, I would ask either way to come and collect the tortoise ASAP. He may (but hopefully not) have sold it, or neglected it. But either way you need to see for yourself and your DC. He may (hopefully) have just been selfish not to wanting you to go round.

Possumfish · 08/12/2018 21:35

Go get it! Tortoises often do that! They hibernate this time of year or sleep for days on end between eating!

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 21:39

Yes go retrieve it either way OP, don't accept his word for anything, he's an ADDICT.

PenrodPooch · 08/12/2018 21:53

I wouldn't take his word for it and either way that is your daughters pet

Maelstrop · 08/12/2018 22:22

If your name is on the rental agreement/mortgage, you can break in and just fix the locks afterwards.

sollyfromsurrey · 08/12/2018 22:31

They hibernate. Go get it.

user1494670108 · 08/12/2018 22:33

Another one to say tortoise should be hibernating and can be moved if you can find it

Singlenotsingle · 09/12/2018 01:26

And Google how to look after a hibernating tortoise. They have to be kept at a certain temperature and not allowed to get too warm

Original poster

Hidinginthebath · 09/12/2018 08:28

I'm going to get him today. I thought he was brumating because I changed his substrate and took his heat lamp out before I left. I have sent him links to check but he's back to ignoring me again.

OP posts:

Beaverhausen · 09/12/2018 13:38

Just threaten him with police, he is using so won't want the police snooping. But definitely get the tortoise, personally I think he is hibernating.

Singlenotsingle · 09/12/2018 16:15

Did you get him OP?

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