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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH touching me whilst asleep

428 replies

qwertyl · 03/12/2018 22:45

Am downstairs in utter shock.... after an early night and offer of back rub from'd'h woke up to find him touching me.... I stopped him before he went further but he'd already put his fingers inside me I'm sure to check if I was asleep.... oh god I feel sick. I hate him right now Envy

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 16/05/2019 10:24

This is horrible. I agree with PP who say it should be him leaving. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Flowers

RhubarbTea · 16/05/2019 10:29

I'm so sorry this has happened, I remember your thread from before. You need to go to the police my love.

YesQueen · 16/05/2019 10:34

I am so so sorry. You need to do whatever makes you safe whether you go to the police or he leaves or you tell a friend etc etc
Maybe try and write down exactly what happened as you remember in case you need it
Are you safe now?

Original poster
qwertyl · 16/05/2019 10:36

I am furious with him and the position he's put us all in because he believes it's his right to have sex because we're married. He's of course an utter arsehole in many ways and the house is not in either name. I will ask him to leave this evening but I won't stay there with him if he won't, He made me feel sick this morning. I'm leaving work early to collect her from school and try and sort this horrible mess out. Thank you to you all, the first incident was bad enough, this was bloody off the scale SadSadAngry

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 16/05/2019 10:37

I am so sorry. Please report him to the police.
He raped you and needs to be punished.

There is no going back to him after this!

SimplySteveRedux · 16/05/2019 10:47

he believes it's his right to have sex because we're married.

He needs to fuck off back to the dark ages. What an utter twat.

I'm so sorry op. You should report him to the police. Full support here for you.Flowers

RiversDisguise · 16/05/2019 10:49

Report him, get the police to remove him. Fuck uprooting that little girl from her home for this revolting rapist. Not to mention you, the blameless victim.

justilou1 · 16/05/2019 10:50

You poor thing... have you got any RL friends to talk to about this that you would trust as well?

gamerchick · 16/05/2019 10:53

I don't blame you for staying. Woman are programmed from young to take a fair bit I think. Feeling the weight of responsibility of rocking the boat and our children's comfort before ours... It's never that HEs the one who's done it all in our minds.

He has done it though, he's raped you and needs to know that. You need to share this IRL with someone you trust and even if you don't feel up to it atm, tell him that if he doesn't leave you're going to get him lifted by the police and made to leave.

Harness that anger and tell someone what he's done.

I'm so sorry man Flowers

Haffiana · 16/05/2019 10:57

You need to report it because he will do it to his next partner. There needs to be a record so that at the very least he is discoverable by Clare's law.

OP, you need the sort of help that Rape Crisis can provide.

LeesPostersAreInFrames · 16/05/2019 10:58

Oh love I'm so sorry to hear this update :( what an absolute tosser he is. Stay resolute. Xxxxxx

BambooB · 16/05/2019 11:04

Report him to the police. The utter cunt.

Ask him if your DD's husband does this in her future, would that be ok?

Dirty raping bastard. Keep him away from you and your children. Kick him out.

EKGEMS · 16/05/2019 11:09

You could go to the police and press charges for sexual assault OP I'm sure they would be interested in his history. Best of luck

pinkyredrose · 16/05/2019 11:17

So sorry to hear this. Does he know that you know?

desparate4sleep · 16/05/2019 11:17

report him to the police.

justthecat · 16/05/2019 11:30

I’m another one for saying report to police 💐

desklamp · 16/05/2019 12:25

I'm so sorry you are faced with this horrible situation, OP.

I don't know if reporting to the police will give you the outcome you desire or need - rapes are woefully under convicted in the UK (and world, in all likelihood). :(

Can you ring WomensAid?

Renarde1975 · 16/05/2019 14:23

Hey OP. I am so sorry it escalated Flowers

I'm another one echoing the police. I have been there twice now and they get it that it needs to be taken in stages. So you can initially report and give a crime number. No action will be taken at this stage without your express consent.

They will have all the details on record for future reference.

And [hugs]

ControversialFerret · 16/05/2019 15:00

Police, now.

He's raped you.

He should be the one to leave the house, not you.

Call the police and get it reported.

TeacupDrama · 16/05/2019 15:04

he may not be convicted of rape but just the complaint would get him out of the house just now and then OP can file for divorce immediately on grounds of unreasonable behaviour so she doesn't need to wait the 2 years

Wrybread · 16/05/2019 15:11

Op, are you up to phoning 101 and taking to the police?

So sorry that he did this to you Thanks

DoxxedFox · 16/05/2019 15:14

Oh OP I’m so sorry.

desklamp · 16/05/2019 15:58

That's a good point, Teacup.

OP, get some real life support so you aren't reporting the incident on your own. I know this is horrible, traumatising and all the rest, but please take steps to protect yourself. Flowers

madmumofteens · 16/05/2019 18:27

So sorry to hear that he did this to you there really is no excusing his behaviour I feel so angry on your behalf please take good care of yourself 💐

Rainbowknickers · 16/05/2019 18:31

Please please please get out call the police women’s aid and rape crisis just get out my ex used to touch me up when I was asleep but I was young and stupid-he went further and further until he ended up raping me I just look at who I was and want to scream at me to walk away from him good luck