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Original poster

DH touching me whilst asleep

428 replies

qwertyl · 03/12/2018 22:45

Am downstairs in utter shock.... after an early night and offer of back rub from'd'h woke up to find him touching me.... I stopped him before he went further but he'd already put his fingers inside me I'm sure to check if I was asleep.... oh god I feel sick. I hate him right now Envy

OP posts:
Sassandfaff1 · 06/12/2018 00:21

Sexual way without them knowing, in order to orgasm? What do you think you would feel?

*fudge fingers posted too

Sassandfaff1 · 06/12/2018 00:31

I meant my fat fingers pressed the post button too soon.

Original poster
qwertyl · 06/12/2018 22:44

I know and that's what I can't get out of my head. Why would you want to.... your needs are so great you don't care how you get your kicks/orgasm. Not even upset really, just so confused about who DH is... If course, two days thinking about it he's adamant he was trying to wake me up.... because shoving your fingers in someone's vagina is a lovely wake up.... there was nothing foreplay about it....this will roll on I'm sure, if I didn't have DC I would have buggered off for some alone time and force a discussion, his benefit is we have to keep functioning and being civil for DC...

OP posts:
rachelfrost · 07/12/2018 13:36

Hello op, just to say you seem to be doing all the right things imo and credit to you for having the strength to talk things through with dh and be so thoughtful about an emotive and horrible situation. Good luck.

LannieDuck · 07/12/2018 14:39

That's such a lame excuse it says to me that he knows he was wrong but is too much of a coward to admit it.

Why not wake you up by tapping your shoulder? Or calling your name? Would he be ok with you waking him up by pushing your fingers up his ass?

And also point out that what he did is sexual assault.

bethy15 · 07/12/2018 15:40

Just to say, you don't have to be civil to him, not after he has assaulted you in your sleep.

The children are important, but you cannot sacrifice yourself for them, because it will hurt them in the long road if their mother is being hurt or abused.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/12/2018 20:34

Sorry this is so grim Qwerty. When you have got to the point where you would have left 'but for the children' them IME it's over. I found myself saying this to XH about a year before he escalated his twattishness to the point where I actually did leave him. IMHO there are things, and this is one of them, that it just may not be possible to move on from.

Charitybeginsathome · 07/12/2018 21:27

So sorry op. I was so sad for you that I joined solely in order to reply.
I had a similar experience with my H long long ago. Attitudes were different then but , young as I was I felt that it was not right.
I had several DC and no way of leaving .I ignored it , suffered in silence. It escalated . I put up with it for 25 years. Then I could no longer ignore what he was doing. It took ten more years to get out. My adult children do not know, they love their father and would never even listen to the slightest criticism of him . 14 years ago I left . I'm alone but at least I sleep . I do feel for you. The shock of it . Take care of yourself

Missingstreetlife · 12/12/2018 17:53

Why would you not follow your instinct and get some space. You can tell dc you have had a disagreement, or that you are going to visit someone. They should learn how to deal with conflict, one good tactic is to remove yourself, life is not all glitter and unicorns. They will pick up something is wrong anyway. Take them away for few days, you don't have to put up with this.

Shallowshallow · 12/12/2018 18:52

I agree you should not just let this slide. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but just getting on with things implies it wasn't a big deal. It absolutely was.

Take some time out to let him know this was do wrong and not acceptable. Get away for a few days, however you can manage that.

You sound defeated. This isn't right at all.

MissyMoooo · 12/12/2018 19:22

This happened to me with my ExH only he was actually under the covers with a torch in between my legs. It woke me up, I was disgusted but I didn't say anything to him or anybody else ever. I left him shortly after that. I felt he had absolutely no respect for me to do something like that. I felt so violated and embarrassed. I've never said it out loud to anybody.

sparklepops123 · 12/12/2018 19:32

Wow Missy,that is horrendous 💐 I hope you are in a far much happier place in your life

Wordthe · 12/12/2018 21:35

Missy, that is just awful, he sounds vile and sinister, I'm glad you left him

Really I would wonder what else he gets up to and what his behaviour might escalate into.

boymum9 · 23/01/2019 08:15

Qwerty, do you mind if ask if you ever came to a resolution or what you did next? I'm in a very similar situation that I just made a post about

Original poster
qwertyl · 16/05/2019 00:54

Boymum, I stayed and guess what, it's just happened again only this time he went the whole way. I feel sick and utterly lost. I'm sorry to hear you experienced the same. I need to leave and take my DD with me... Sad

OP posts:
stroopwafelgirl · 16/05/2019 00:56

Don’t know what to say except that I hope you’re okay. Please take time to think through all of your options, as long as you feel safe to do so. Sending love and strength x

TinselAndKnickers · 16/05/2019 00:58

Please think all of your options though and leave if you can. So sorry this happened to you - he is disgusting Thanks

redastherose · 16/05/2019 00:59

@qwertyl so sorry to hear your update. I truly hope you manage to either make him leave or you get out now. I read your original thread and it was the sort of thing my ex used to do, only he minimised it so much I put up with terrible behaviour for years. 💐

Original poster
qwertyl · 16/05/2019 01:14

Thank you - I'm sorry to all those who offered advice the first time round. It's been at the back of my mind but we had moved on and I didn't think he'd ever try it again. I had to endure the two or three minutes it lasted and I feel sick - I had to know if he'd go all the way. I'm utterly disgusted he did - all he kept saying was 'I knew you were awake'..... I feel so upset to go into more detail but he wiped all around me with a tissue or similar and there is absolutely no way he thought I was awake. I fucking hate him for wasting the last few years of my life and for being a father to my DD SadAngry

OP posts:
SimplySteveRedux · 16/05/2019 01:15

I replied to this on my old account.

I do hope you're ok @qwertyl

mawof3soontobe · 16/05/2019 01:17

I'm so so sorry to read this update that you forgave and it extended to full rape. I can't imagine how you must feel! I hope you have good support in RL and have the strength to do what's best for you Flowers

Lweji · 16/05/2019 01:21

Big hug. Sad

Do you have an exit plan?

Have you considered going to the police?

Original poster
qwertyl · 16/05/2019 01:32

No plan at all I have no idea what to do. My work tomorrow and Friday is flat out and my DD is in school. I feel sore and hate him for doing this..... Sad I've looked at hotels but I think it will confuse my DD, I have a great friend at work who doesn't know him and maybe it's easier to confide in her - my poor DD it will break her heart but I can't be near him.

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 16/05/2019 01:45

You were raped.

I am so so so fucking sorry.

OneHanded · 16/05/2019 01:45

So much love and hugs your way Flowers
Most importantly you are not the one at blame here in any way, shape or form. Is it a possibility to stay with family with the children in the interim whilst you deal with things emotionally and maritaly?

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