Spousal maintenance

[MickyCr]

Can anyone he,p me

I retired 18 months ago and after months of loving messages and telling the world (and social media) how much she was looking forward to the rest of our lives together, my wife suddenly lef. It transpires she was having an affair with a “friend” of ours who was also cheating on his partner.

We have 3 kids ages 25, 22 and 15. The two boys are with me and I have the youngest who never stays with his mum.

We had a fair amount of cash and we have agreed to split the assets 50/50, about £650k each and I am staying in the family home which is part of my share. She has a new house.

I am retired and not working. She has no child care responsibilities but is still choosing not to work. We are negotiating on the pension share and spousal maintenance.

I have offered a pension split that will give her £32k when she is 60 in 9 years time. It is CPI index linked so is more likely to be £38k or more by the time it comes. I will retain a pension of just over £50k. I am not working, partly as I am retired but also due to child care (15 year old is struggling) and also due to some stress issues. My only income is my pension

We have offered £300 per month transitional spousal maintenance for 5 years which would be capitalised into a lump sum. There are no reasons why she cannot work and she is well qualified with a strong cv.

She has come back via her solicitor wanting a far larger share of my pension (which will be my only income in years to come) and £150k maintenance

She is in a relationship with the same individual who is very wealthy but also canny and they will avoid any formal cohabiting and certainly not marriage.

Am I being unreasonable?

£150k over 9 years (the time leading up to her pension) is £17k per year. It seems wildly excessive and I do not have the money to pay such a lump.

As you’ll see reading this, I didn’t want any of this to happen.

My two boys have really struggled since she left just over a year ago

Advice anyone........

He hasn't 'bought her a house', she is renting.

No - the house is purchased - £450k. There was rent of a big house at £2k a month after she left.

Depending on the lump sum settlement she will have between £250 - £300k cash on top of the mortgage free house

Apart from the SM issue (and there is a demand from her for more than the £20k), I'm trying to work out the benefits of some pension offset to try and protect my pension. It doesn't seem very attractive.

We have offered more than 50% of the pension accrual during the marriage (but protecting most of my pre marital accrual) and I am making no claim on her pension which she accrued prior to us getting together. She wants more and her solicitor is pushing for a much bigger share

If I were to put £50k on offer as a pension offset, this gives her tax free monies up front that she can invest and avoids her having to wait for 9 years until she can draw her pension. I estimate it would take her 16 years to accrue £50k if had the additional element in her PSO rather than up front.

If there is no pension offset and I take the hit they are requesting, loss to my annual pension is less than £3k, meaning I only benefit by about £2k per year net. It seems a daft thing to discuss as it will take me 25+ years to recover the £50k cash I have given up

Am I working this out properly?

I have no idea but I'm with the choir of voices that say for goodness sake you need a new solicitor.
My partners ex wifes demands were not unlike yours. She wanted everything. She did get a fair settlement. She also pulled the couldn't work card but as soon as the divorce was finalised she found she could.
Stop being so damn reasonable. My partner tried that but ex wanted more. The court was fair to both. It was not what she wanted.

It is difficult to give a definate answer given finances are very complex. After a long marriage 25+ years she will be entitled to 50% of all joint assets. I am not sure your thoughts on pre marriage pension will be allowed given the length of marriage.Her pension should also go in the pot.

If everything is joint are you offering 50% assets?

Her income going forwards is based on her needs and her realistic opportunity of income. Her not working is not likely an option given no childcare or health issues.
These are the general principles which your solicitor should be proposing.
Generally 3 years SM is proposed, which can be capitalised and a clean break thereafter.

I wouldn't rush to another solicitor or advocate court as it will cost you at least 50k.
Propose a fair deal and then make it clear it is the best offer..allow her some time to digest.

You will both be poorer after divorce and that often takes a while to sink in and accept which is why allowing some time between offers is sensible.

Dont work it out, just say no. You are in a far stronger negotiating position than she is.

Just instruct you solicitor to repeat last and just keep repeating last until until your ex starts being sensible. Its all about her and she couldn’t give a flying fuck about what happens to you. You have to stand up for your self as no one else will.