How often does your partner compliment you?

[MrsTumbletap]

Just wondering if compliments are part of your everyday or every week language.

I mean physical ones, such as you are beautiful or sexy etc? It seems a bit pathetic and shallow wanting a compliment I know. But DH has never been one to dish out the compliments, he has a massive ego a lot of confidence, and walks around naked happily after a shower getting changed etc, I'm too self confident. After nearly 11 years together I miss feeling sexy or desired.
(Awful but previous boyfriends made me feel great and happier in my skin)

Other elements of our lives we control, If we don't know about a particular topic, we can read a book, We want to learn a language we can take a class, to lose weight, eat healthy and exercise etc etc you see my point, some things are in our control.

But what if you want to feel sexy and desired by your husband but don't?

This has reminded me of my wedding day. When I got out of the car all my friends and relatives were complimenting me on how beautiful I looked, stunning, etc. I was walking on air, up to where my H2b was standing, a big smile on my face and he said "you look smart" (to be fair, I was wearing an ivory suit with gilt buttons and a wide brimmed hat) and he's never changed. Then while we were on our honeymoon we stopped at a restaurant and when he came out from the gents he says "wow, those toilets are beautiful!"

I've been guilty of not being the most complimentary man in the world a few times over the years, and its led to a few arguments between me and my DP.

I'm not naturally the most talkative bloke anyway, so I tended to show how attractive I found her in other ways, by touching her as we pass, by watching her get dressed in the morning while I'm dozing etc. Expressing these feeling verbally is something I've really had to work at, it's just not natural for me.

One other thing I found hard was that I'd compliment her, and I'd get a negative response in return. So:

"You're beautiful", "No I'm not".
"You've got great tits", "They were better 15 years ago"
etc.

Its draining, and it made me wonder why I bothered. So thats something my DP has worked on, dealing with her own body issues and insecurities.

I've seen a couple of previous posters mention not getting compliments when they're all dressed up to go out. This is something I'm still not good at giving (and not just because I'm usually annoyed that we're going to be half an hour late because she's taken so long). Its a stupid thing but I feel like giving a compliment then is just saying "Well you only look good if you spend ages caking yourself in makeup".

And just personally, thats not when I think my DP is at her most beautiful. It's When she's slobbing around in her PJs, when she's half asleep after looking after the kid all day, when shes been at work all day. Basically anytime that shes too tired, busy or focused on something else to care about what she looks like, thats when you see the real person she is, and thats when she's likely to get a truly heartfelt spontaneous compliment of me.

My husband tells me and makes me feel sexy several times a day.
I have put on 8 stone since we got together, I am in my second pregnancy and tbh in general I hate the way I look.
I hate how fat I am, my double chin, how tired I look, how nice clothes don't look nice on me. I've been diagnosed with high anxiety which is linked to my self esteem, and with all that I 100% believe my husband fancies the granny pants off me.
We do lots of little things for each other everyday that shows we love each other.
But on the flip side we don't get each other birthday or Christmas orwsebts and didn't do anything for our wedding anniversary this year. Partly money issues but it's just not something we usually do.
All men are different and are romantic in different ways.

Daily and all the time..

doeswhatitsaysonthetin I had to ask my husband how I looked on my wedding day, I hoped he would say it voluntarily but after a few hours I gave in and asked.
MrsTumbletap I feel your pain, my husband rarely compliments me and this has made me feel very insecure about how attractive he finds me. He does compliment me its just very rare, maybe he thinks things but never vocalizes them - could this be the case with your oh? In turn, I think this had led me to become very jealous - had to start a thread on here about the most recent instance as I cant bear the jealousy eating away at me and it is most certainly not very attractive.
Have you thought about taking a dance lesson or something, it's crossed my mind. I've always read feeling/looking sexy is something that comes from within and not just outer appearances so I'm going to try and work on that. Nevertheless, it would make my day to hear my husband say I was the sexiest thing since sliced bread to me so I totally understand how you feel.

Everyday DH says something nice to me - maybe that's why we've been married over 40 years :)

Daily, but its something we both naturally do to each other, its not one sided. It actually comes pretty naturally to us aswel. Over texts, in person. It does make you feel good about yourself. Maybe try explaining how it makes you feel and agree to be more verbally assuring with each other.

OP, I totally understand why you feel the way you do.
With my ex H, he very, very rarely told me I looked beautiful or sexy. Most of the time if he did say something, it would be along the lines of ‘you look quite nice’

Not feeling wanted or desired eventually made me stop trying with my clothes, hair, makeup (and I’m someone who takes a lot of care over such things). This was one of the contributing factors in me asking for a divorce.

My current DP couldn’t be more different.
He tells me I’m beautiful every day, several times a day. And not even only when I’m dressed up. It’s mainly when I’m wearing pyjamas and big snuggly socks, hair pulled back and no makeup.
Honestly, he has done wonders for my self confidence, and I feel truly loved, for the first time ever.

It seems a few of us have the same type of dynamic.

I remember watching the royal wedding this year and the look on Harry's face when he saw Megan, he also said something like you look amazing didn't he? I remember thinking ahhh I would love that so much.

To me, there seems to be two solutions to the problem: either to patiently educate your OH to say compliments and give verbal affirmation OR learn to see it from his point of view and notice yourself the things he does to show his love. Neither is easy, unfortunately. But worth it in the long run :)

Meghan does look amazing. I don't, I just look like your average middle-aged woman, and would rather be told something more realistic. My bf says I have a great arse. Compliment accepted.

Agree with previous posters about speaking a different language. I’ve just ended a 2.5 yr relationship with a very nice man but one of the killer issues for me was lack of compliments, alongside lack of intimacy etc. I always made sure I said lovely things to him - to be honest it comes naturally to say “you smell nice, you look good in that shirt”. Also I liked to give him a kiss / hug when I saw him but he acted so uncomfortably that it made me squirm. Never any compliments in return. New underwear, lost weight etc . Nothing. When pushed he would say “I do like you (like ) and I show it in other ways”. He means I buy you random things from B&M like lightbulbs. Yeah, I need lightbulbs, but I can buy my own thanks. Makes me cross that I feel I need the compliments. Why is that small moment of acknowledgement important ?

Hardly ever (together 15 years). But I don't doubt he finds me attractive or loves me.

I guess I am generally confident though and don't need the reassurance. Possibly because I get it elsewhere? Might change when I don't get compliments from others either.

@Maryjenson I’m with you on this. Of course men appreciate and value compliments too. It’s a human need. Last time I checked, men were human too.
I completely get your point. I receive compliments all the time from my dh, and I also compliment him too. I love seeing his face when I compliment him. He really appreciates it. Men have confidence and body worries too.
The way I see it, you treat someone as you would like to be treated. My days, I thought we were trying to move towards a more equal world. It’s a little ignorant to think men don’t need complimenting but women should expect it. I can’t believe someone posted that on here.
I think compliments should cover lots of areas, not just physical. Life is far too short not to tell the people you love what you think in a positive appreciative way.

Very rarely, but neither of us are overly gushy people. At least I do know that when he does complement me, it is absolutely sincere.

And I can live with that very comfortably 99% of the time because my ex would put me up on some sort of pedestal, often making me feel so uncomfortable about things that were just ordinary, everyday, me to the point that I made sure I didn't elicit that response, If I had control over it. I just wanted to get on with whatever it was in peace. Towards the end of our relationship, I had endless lectures about how disappointing I was.

So, I quite appreciate that dh takes me as I am, with no fanfare. And he'll tell me honestly if my bum looks big in something.

But have you talked to him about it, so he knows how important it is to you?

Definitely not pathetic or shallow to want to feel appreciated and loved.

There is something seriously wrong with someone who withholds compliments/ positive comments/affirmations

Just because my partner rarely comment on my appearance, that does not mean he also withholds all other compliments and affirmations as well!
He might not say I look hot, but he does snog me to show it.

This is a good talk. Apparently, it is a woman thing to want to hear how beautiful and special she is and to hear the gratitude expressed verbally for all she does. 67% of women put this as a primary need in a relationship! Another important one is non-sexual touch. Neither of these needs feature high on men’s list. That’s probably why they don’t see the need to bother?

Spoke to my OH about doing more in the way of compliments and verbal appreciation yesterday. He said that from where he is, if a man is overly complimentary, he is likely to be after one thing and not necessarily truly and deeply in love. OH feels that anything that he is going to say will sound false or he can’t put it into words. MEN!

I still said I would take false over none at all :) so I asked OH to try and say something nice about me or my efforts every day if at all possible. See how we go 😉