How often does your partner compliment you?

[MrsTumbletap]

Just wondering if compliments are part of your everyday or every week language.

I mean physical ones, such as you are beautiful or sexy etc? It seems a bit pathetic and shallow wanting a compliment I know. But DH has never been one to dish out the compliments, he has a massive ego a lot of confidence, and walks around naked happily after a shower getting changed etc, I'm too self confident. After nearly 11 years together I miss feeling sexy or desired.
(Awful but previous boyfriends made me feel great and happier in my skin)

Other elements of our lives we control, If we don't know about a particular topic, we can read a book, We want to learn a language we can take a class, to lose weight, eat healthy and exercise etc etc you see my point, some things are in our control.

But what if you want to feel sexy and desired by your husband but don't?

Most days, and has since we met.

It's just how he is. He likes me to know he likes me as I am.
While I'm not ridiculously body conscious, I'm aware I'm also no longer 22 and things have shifted since having DD.

I'm the same with him. He doesn't look the same as he did when we met either. Still my sexy beast though!

I'm jealous.

My husband compliments my hair; clothes; butt; "pretty face" etc at least a few times every week. But more importantly, he tells me he loves me every morning; texts to say he misses me every working day and cuddles me when I get home saying he's waited all day for those cuddles. He's a real teddy bear and I do consider myself lucky.
Equally I am the same towards him.

Everyone is different though. My sister's husband isn't nearly as soppy or affectionate, but it is clear to all that he dotes on her.

I'm not sure it's really healthy to judge our own relationships against others for that reason :)

My ex-H never ever paid me a compliment. He never said or did anything to make me feel beautiful or wanted. Its not the only reason (or even a main reason) that hes an ex... but it was all part of the same problem.

My current boyfriend is so different. He starts his texts "hello beautiful", he'll actually say it to me in bed in the morning. Its such a tiny thing but the difference it makes to my self-esteem is vast.

What would happen if you explained that getting compliments just made you happy? Do you think he'd make the effort for you?

My DH compliments me loads, multiple times a day (probably too much for some people on here but I love it!) I still have shitty self esteem in general, but that’s a separate issue! I’d struggle with a partner who doesn’t give any compliments at all, that’s rubbish, I’m sorry OP. It sounds like you have spoken about it but nothing has changed. I’m not sure what more you can do really.

I don't think it's fair to complain about lack of compliments when your DH has never been the type of person to compliment others. Mention it to him and hopefully he will try

My DH compliments me multiple times a day when I pretty much do anything, but we have always been like this so I'd only find it weird if he suddenly stopped.

@MrsTumbletap, the advice by @Lemonsqueezy0 is good. Creating an environment where compliments and positive feedback are the norm could help alter his behaviour. Being tactile is also good advice for men.

I have got to say my DP is constantly asking for feedback on his clothes, weight and looks. Maybe I don’t say complimentary things enough 😳. I sort of know that, I’m not gushing.

He does offer it out and he does ask for it in return . I think I am getting a lot better. So there is something in the advice to try this approach.

True, give more to get more. I feel like he laps it up though as he is so confident. I'm quite insecure but I don't show it. I'm always worried if I tell him what parts I hate he will hate them too.

Do you tell your OH what you dislike about your bodies?

Honestly he always says he thinks im sexy or hot and takes a sneeky look at my bottom when im putting stuff away.
I think especially after children women really need it as our bodies can change and make us feel not so good.
I think in a relationship both parties should compliment each other at least once a day.

OP, no I wouldn't tell my partner that I hate appearance - what would that achieve? I can share it with a friend/close female relative. If you mean you want him to reassure you about it, you could put it in a softer way, e.g. I feel a bit unsure/sensitive about my arms, or better to ask 'do you like my arms?' in a light-hearted tone - so then he'll come up with a compliment or even be surprised you asked.
But what's the point saying you hate smth - really in this case whatever he says won't help but he'll know you are insecure and depend on his approval - not good.

*my appearance (first sentence)

Everyday

This is a really interesting post for me because I'm in a new relationship where my new DP doesn't compliment me at all. I've always been in relationships where I have been love bombed and after a lot of counselling this is my first "healthy" relationship, and it's taking a lot of time to get used to.

We went out recently and it was the first time I'd really dressed up since we'd been together. He was waiting for me in the lounge while I got ready and when I walked into the room he didn't say a word. I was really disappointed. But when I think back - his face lit up.

This weekend, we went to a fancy do and I really made an effort. Again - no comment. But in the restaurant he kept looking at me and smiling and I realised then that he doesn't have to say anything. It's in his face. He's quite shy (as am I) and I'm learning that he doesn't have to give me compliments, that's not him. He just goes a bit dewy eyed instead. That means more to me than the spiel that I'm used to!

My dp compliments me all day every day. About everything. He'll compliment my intelligence, the shape of my saddlebags hips, the way I talk, he even had a thing about how I have a nice head/face shape. He wasn't always like this, it developed very slowly over a few years.

My ex was very scant on compliments except of a very lewd/sexual type. I realise in hindsight that he never wanted me to feel authentically confident because he was controlling and terrified that I'd leave him.

In the end I left ex because I realised that I could just choose to be around people who liked me genuinely and weren't ignoring me or playing power games

Daily...sometimes Severs times a day

Several 😂

Every day

Mine doesn’t... when I actually ask him, Do I look good in this dress? Do you like my make up? He’ll say, Very nice and grunt in an approving manner. But he never comes out with it of his own accord. And I do need it so badly. It can feel as if he’s not interested or that he does not see me and I just deflate.

The other day, I even asked him, Do you love me still? He goes, When you don’t speak to me in this tone... This is the closest I got to ‘I love you’. I am not even sure he ever did say it to me... And I am such a sucker for approval and appreciation and admiration, I blossom when I hear it, it can make my day and I will be smiling for ages afterwards remembering the compliment.

DH just says he’s not the type to gush. He is very practical and thoughtful, always does little (and not so little) things for me (which I don’t immediately notice half the time). If he does something around the house, he says ‘Look what I have done for you’ which I find quirky.

We just speak different love languages. And it can be hard when you come across somebody who does shower you with compliments and comments freely on nice things about you. I think why can’t I have this at home, from my own H? Just makes me sad.

I know DH does love me. It’s that he shows it in the ways I don’t necessarily notice or which don’t hit home with me.

I guess we need to communicate better and make that effort to speak the other’s love language in order to make each other feel loved and wanted.

So... I think what you're really wondering, OP, is how "normal" your situation is...

I guess the answer to that is nobody really knows as different people do different things...

However, it's understandable you may crave some sort of affirmation. When people compliment us it's not just about them saying "you're gorgeous" and only being able to believe that if they say it. It's actually about the fact that they've noticed you. It's a sign of caring about how you feel.

I'm sure if he complimented you in other ways like "you're so funny" or "you really sound beautiful when you sing" you feel just as sexy and wanted and cherished.

I really honestly do feel compliments are important. Teachers use compliments to motivate and reward good behaviour in students, don't they? A simple "what a great drawing!" is enough to make a child's eyes light up.

But do remember that self esteem has the word "self" in it. I think we can feel good about ourselves even without compliments, if we do some things to nurture our own needs etc.

I guess I'm saying I think we humans need both "self" esteem, and "other people" esteem to feel thoroughly good.

In my case, I still compliment my husband but he rarely does compliment me anymore. And if he'd always been like that I might not feel so bad, but the fact that he used to wax lyrical about me and now doesn't feel inspired to do so anymore, suggests he either takes my presence or feelings for granted, or he just doesn't find me attractive anymore (I'm older and fatter!)...

So I completely relate to you feeling undesired and unimportant.

Can I suggest you start doing some kind things for yourself, and also tell your husband you feel a bit sad and you'd love a little compliment from time to time. I agree men deserve them too, so throw some his way if you don't already.

I hope you have a lovely day.

BTW I've recently learned to like my chubbier/curvier body when I realised I was still found attractive by some people (my husband has actually said he prefers me slim), and an absolutely gorrrrrrrgeous man tried to chat me up! So I don't presently feel all that unattractive, it'd yet be nice if hubby fancied me the same.

Do you think you want your hubby's compliments because you want him to notice you, or is it more general?

Dontaskmyname are you married to my husband???? If we get dressed up for a wedding etc and I have a new dress, new heels, make up, hair etc he won't say I look nice. And it completely deflates me, I feel invisible and then I feel ugly.

Our situation feels exactly the same, DH also says he isnt one to gush and feels silly saying it.

Sparklesaremyfavourite yes it's true about self esteem coming from us and others. For example I would say I am good at my job, and I'm kind and love my friends dearly. But I feel like there is Then there is this side I feel I have to repress as a woman in her thirties and wanting to feel sexy.

My husbands attention is the one thing I can't do on my own and I can't work hard for. Recently I lost weight and was slimmer than before I had DS, It didn't make any difference, no compliments really, so now I'm back to normal weight. Which is healthy so I'm happy with, but it showed being a slimmer version of my normal self didn't make any difference. I have had every hair colour etc it makes no difference.

Its my work do this weekend, I will wear a nice dress, I will wear some make up, and I'm pretty certain male colleagues will be pay me a compliment or two. And it will feel wonderful and I will probably encourage it, but that is wrong and then I feel awful. Not sure there is a solution, some women are lucky to have doting partners.

Mrs Tumbletap, I am in my late thirties, too. What I have realised is that it’s not that my DH doesn’t find me attractive anymore, not at all. When I reproach him and say you never noticed I made an effort putting on this new dress, doing make up etc He will say he did notice, but kept it quiet (!) Why, oh why?

Maybe expressing his feelings makes him feel vulnerable and he doesn’t want to open himself up like that. I watched a video the other day that asserted that when a man experiences strong feelings, his brain shuts down and his response is to act, to do, rather than talk about it. The stronger he feels, the more trouble he will have putting it into words or not at all. The advice was to look at his actions. Does he invest in you (not necessarily in a monetary sense), does he do things for you, is he trying to please you? Actions speak louder than words.

Really talk is cheap, compliments etc But it takes an effort and investment of time to do things for somebody. I would treat that as a more reliable indicator. It is a man thing. They work differently to us.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t harm to communicate that you would like to see or hear more of positive reinforcement and praise. If he cares about you and wants to please you, he will make an effort to improve in that area.

Every day almost,i feel fat & horrible so when my DH says something nice im like haha or yeah ok but it does make me feel like im loved & wanted.x

Never and I'm perfectly happy with that. I'd hate to be complimented regularly mainly because I find compliments really hard to accept, they just feel too ott and cringey. Reading this though it seems I'm in the minority