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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP wandered in at 7a.m. Am i overreacting?

85 replies

sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:21

I've name changed for this but I have posted before.
Dp and I have been together 4 years, have Dd 18 months. Before we had Dd it wasn't unusual for us to go out and not return home until the next morning most weekends but obviously things have changed now. We only go out maybe once every other month or so and although we can over do it occasionally it's nothing like it used to be, dont have the stamina anymore.
Last night DP had his work night out, he met up with friends at 7, i heard from him about 1a.m when I was off to bed. I heard Dd waking up around 7 a.m this morning and the next minute the front door opening and dp stumbling around downstairs. I was gobsmacked, where on earth could he have been until that time?!
I asked him where he had been and he said he couldnt remember Hmm when pushed he said him and a friend ended up back at some random lads house.
I smell a rat. Ive never had any doubts about him being faithful before and I have access to his phone (mine is broke) and we share a laptop. But this just isnt sitting right with me.
Am i overthinking this or has he been up to no good?
Im currently downstairs with dd while he trys to sleep it off upstairs. No point speaking to him yet, i"ll get no sense out of him

OP posts:
TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 01/12/2018 09:24

So what's on his phone?

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:26

Nothing that i can tell. I checked to see if i could tell when he got a taxi but he didnt phone one or use an app (unless hes deleted them)

OP posts:
ifoundthebread · 01/12/2018 09:26

What's off about this occasion if it used to be normal? Ha may of decided now your dd is a bit older he could let his hair down and spend the night being stupid with friends?

rainbowstardrops · 01/12/2018 09:26

I'd look on his phone and laptop personally. Either that or you've got a long wait until he's sobered up.

donkir · 01/12/2018 09:26

Maybe he was at the same place you used to be when you stumbled in the next morning.
I think you're overthinking a lads night out.

GertrudeCB · 01/12/2018 09:26

Does he ever do drugs? That or a ons would be my bet.

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:30

Its not so much the time he came home but him not being able to tell me where he had been. Telling me he didn't know and then suddenly remembering he'd been at a strangers house (not something he has ever done before or i would imagine him doing)

OP posts:
Mumshappy · 01/12/2018 09:32

I would not be happy as he will be sleeping this off most of the day whilst your left to do everything. Whether hes been up to no good is a separate issue. Realistically if he has you wont find out. Not a good place to be i feel for you. Id wake him up after lunch tell him your off out and your leaving DD at home. Go to a friends talk this through with someone you trust

cushioncuddle · 01/12/2018 09:33

If it was normal for you to have come in at that time before what is different now ?
It sounds like he was doing what you both used to do before.
Whether it's a good idea to do this now you have a child is different. I don't think so but I never did an all night out before as I wouldn't have had the stamina. so don't understand how you do it with or without a child to look after.

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:38

Whats different now is that he cant tell me where hes been. I honestly dont mind him having a hangover day, hes a brilliant dad, works hard and deserved a night out and a day to recover, its rare he does that anymore. I just dont get the not being able to remember where hed been. Im posting because I very well could be overthinking this (i suffer with anxiety and also my period has just made its arrival) so i wanted an outside opinion before i go in all guns blazing or let it slide completely.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 01/12/2018 09:40

If you have his phone look on location history to see where he’s been.

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:41

How do I do that? Sorry i'm rubbish with technology!

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 01/12/2018 09:42

Here’s a guide uk.businessinsider.com/how-to-see-location-history-iphone-2015-4

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:51

Ive just checked, it seems he was in a few pubs and clubs until about 5 this morning then says a street name (thats not too far from us) from half 5 until he got home. Don't know anyone that lives round there so he could be telling the truth? I mean it's not like i can check if its a random man or woman who lives there. Oh god I feel sick. Years of being cheated on the past has left me so insecure and ive never doubted my DP before

OP posts:
Thankyounext · 01/12/2018 09:53

How did he get Home?

Forumqueen · 01/12/2018 09:54

When he’s awake ask him what area he was in with the “stranger”

WWYDhelpplease · 01/12/2018 09:55

He could have just had a good night out!

Mumshappy · 01/12/2018 09:55

Ask him whose house he was at in passing conversation then check the electoral role. Bit far fetched but if you need to know as it will eat you up then do it.

Original poster
sleepdeprived17 · 01/12/2018 09:55

I'm assuming taxi, i heard a car pull up outside and pull away before he crashed through the front door but I haven't asked him

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 01/12/2018 09:55

Just sounds like he got smashed and crashed somewhere. Make a note of the address for future reference.
You know it's not safe to binge drink Like This?

user1493413286 · 01/12/2018 09:57

Wait until he sobers up then see. My DH has given nonsense answers when coming in late about walking home then when sobered up it turns out he got a taxi and other similar stories. There is no logic in drunk people

beeefcake · 01/12/2018 09:57

There is all the possibility in the world that he could be telling the truth. It is odd behaviour but men do strange things. Does he have form for cheating or do you have any reason not to trust him?

Livelovebehappy · 01/12/2018 10:02

Youre not going to be able to pin him down to change the story he has given you. Unless when he wakes up today he cant remember what he said to you so you could maybe go over his story with him again to see if you can trip him up. Do you know any of his colleagues or their partners? Maybe you could contact them to find out, or look on their facebook pages. If something did happen his behaviour over the next couple of days might be different. Tbh you might just have to write this one off, unless it becomes a regular occurence.

MemoryOfSleep · 01/12/2018 10:02

Hmm. Agree that going to a random house is odd. What did you do when you were out all night together?

Miami81 · 01/12/2018 10:03

Hi @sleepdeprived17
My Dh's work has quite a boozy culture. I have heard many a story of the morning returns to home. At least one of them have been from our sofa. The guy in question was completely wasted dh couldn't get sense out of him of how he was gonna get home at around 4am, decided safest thing was to take him to ours and install on sofa with a bucket. Guy woke up around 8 am didn't know where he was, left himself out of the house and went and got the train home. He still doesn't remember anything other than what my DH has told him.
Another guy almost made it home and then had a snooze in a bush for a few hours.
So sometimes it's not all as sinister as it seems, just really really stupid and it's probably the drinking that needs to be talked about.