Would you turn a blind eye to your husbands affair?

[letmeeatcakes]

Having been a stay at home mum with two young teens still in education, very rusty work skills, savings dwindled and housekeeping from working husband intermittent would you turn a blind eye if you suspected he was having an affair or confront him knowing you will disrupt the family life?

No bloody way.

No.

No I might not say anything at first but I’d then start working to get into a position to leave the twunt even if it takes me a while. I’d get evidence of his affair, stash it and get myself an std check. Then I’d put laxatives in his tea and that’s just for starters every now and again.

You wouldn’t responsible for disrupting family life - your DH is causing the disruption.

He’s being financially abusive also by the sounds of it.

You’d be as well to start taking steps now to separate, it will be harder to do in five or six years time.

Depends if you can live with it (not recommended) and whether you think he'll leave you eventually anyway - you might waste more years of your life only to have held on for nothing. At least if you instigate the break-up you might be slightly more in control of the situation - what if he leaves during the DC's GCSEs/ A Levels?

Btw my ex MIL turned a blind eye "for the kids", her and her H finally separated when their boys were 21 and 23. I think the boys actually found that harder because not only did they still experience a lot of pain when their parents split up they'd had to grow up in a horrible atmosphere (which their mum thought she'd protected them from). They'd also sussed their dad's infidelity and the strain of keeping his "secret" damaged them a lot as their mum had no idea they knew. Both boys have had numerous affairs themselves as adults, I guess because it was modelled to them.

I turned a blind eye to my exH's infidelity myself at first until I realised it was no way to live. There's no way I'd put up with anything like that now.

I would not turn a blind eye to it; you know and cannot unsee what you already know. Your children will know by your reactions to their dad both spoken and unspoken that something is not right here. Its no relationship lesson to impart to them and to me this whole idea of turning a blind eye is fatally flawed.

Better to be alone than to be so badly accompanied.

Yes.

I'd use the time to secretly find a ball-breaker solicitor, gather any paperwork or proof of assets, and have a solid plan of how I and the children would manage.

Then I'd blindside him with divorce papers.

No!

I couldn't live that way no

I did. But then I realised it was because I would he would leave me for her. I never found out if he was or not. But he moved in with the new girlfriend 8 weeks later so I am pretty sure he did.

In your situation, I may not say anything. While I got myself financially independent and got everything in place.

oh, lovely, just the fact that you would even consider this tells me that you are already suffering from being in this relationship.

Start making a plan to get away, and make sure the plan includes a SHL (MN for a s**t hot lawyer) to make sure that you get a fair settlement.

I did, for that exact reason, I thought it was better to keep the family together . I finally left when my children were 20 and 24. They both subsequently told me that they'd guessed about Dad playing around.....and they'd both wished I'd left sooner because they thought I was being a doormat . It makes me mad now, when I think of those wasted years. We would have been fine , really. You would be fine too.

Whether there is any mileage in your suspicions, you are in a pretty vulnerable position. Why is the housekeeping intermittent? I'd look into securing your own financial independence as a first step.

No, definitely not. It would ruin you pet x

To be honest the infidelity would be less of a deal breaker than lack of money and you using up savings. Get evidence of all accounts and his earnings and then ask him politely to leave.

Why is housekeeping money intermittent? Why can't you get a job, if your children are in secondary school? Put yourself in a stronger position and dump his arse.

I am wondering if housekeeping money is intermittent actually because he controls your access to funds.

No way, I value myself far too much to put up with that crap and I include him being a stingy git.

No. I’d find a solicitor and get a divorce.

It depends whether he was neglecting me and how good my life was in honesty.
If it was pretty cushty then i might just get my own lover

You seem very calm regarding the notion of turning a blind eye.
Do you ever go out in the evening? Id suggest buying a beautiful outfit, dolling yourself up one evening, walk past him and tell him you have plans that evening and going for drinks. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

No! It will eat away at you over time. Take it from someone who knows..

No.

I'd get proof and most likely leave the marriage...or if I'd lost feelings for him ...then I'd declare it an open marriage.

He sees who he wants and I do the same...but I wouldn't be sleeping with him.

Has he got any good redeeming qualities? If you are at home and dc are old enough you could look for a part time job, get yourself financially secure, you don't need to be dependent on him, let him get on with his silly affair then when you've got yourself sorted leave him to get on with it. If you don't fancy him or really like him anymore then maybe you can just put up with it for a while but if it's hurting you then tell him to shove off.