Friend texts all day every day

[Mothership241]

For the past year or so one of my closest friends (long distance since I moved away) has taken to texting me every waking moment of the day, I'm talking about a running dialogue of her day from "good morning! How are you and DS today" up until the point she retires to bed at night time. We talk so often I rarely have much to say and it's getting quite tiresome.

I've started to respond less and more infrequently in attempts to cut down the volume of contact but feel bad because I think she's quite lonely.

How can I put across to her that the constant texting is too much and is quite draining?

Would you mind this level of contact?

Shes lovely and a dear friend but I find it very, very draining.

It would drive me mad!

Try not texting back for a few days.

Oh I would hate that so much, words fail me!!!!

Either (a) tell her you don't like texting much, you'd prefer to speak on the phone every few weeks instead or (b) gradually taper your replies till she gets the message (once a day, once every 2 days, once every 3 days). If she really is a good friend I'd probably tell her you don't like texting. Its a bit selfish IMO to assume someone is there to text you back every minute, just being lonely doesn't make you do that.

I've tried not responding for a few days before and she'd move away from social media or texting to calling me directly to "see if I'm OK" as she's worried she hasn't heard back

Just cut way back on when you reply, and say maybe "been really busy with work/DS all day so could only reply now type thing"

Tell her you don't like texting but you'll keep in touch in other ways? Emails or phone?

Is this on whatsapp or actually text messaging?

I've a number of groups on whatsapp that receive messages all day every day, although there are multiple people in those groups.

We sort of dip in and out of the conversation as we feel like it. I don't think anyone expect immediate replies but the conversation never really ends as such like it would with a text, it's more like an on-going chat.

Do you work? Does she? Maybe you could say 'super busy at work / with child, sort thing and text later?

Maybe suggest an evening to call each other for a proper catch up rather than texting every day?

Maybe you need to say that you can't keep up with her texts as you're so busy. Or say your DH has commented on how much you're on your phone!

It's primarily on Facebook messenger, but when I don't reply there she'll send texts or call.

She doesn't have WhatsApp at the moment. Thank god.

I'm not the most social of people at the best of times and am an introvert. I made more of an effort to chat to her because I was sure she's lonely, but can't keep it going with no end in sight.

It's a frustrating as there's an expectation for me to respond in a timely manner and if I go off radar then she becomes "worried" or thinks she's offended me somehow.

I have in the past made excuses about not being available to chat all day (I cowardly blamed DS and DP!) but before long the daily messages crept back in.

I think the problem is 1) she's lonely and 2) she has too much time on her hands.

She isn't working anymore and has no husband or children so her days are quite empty, she's not been too keen when I've suggested online dating or taking up a hobby.

In that case, I think you need to be more honest. You've mentioned it before and it's no better.

Maybe going cold turkey is the only way forward. Just say your partner has commented on the amount of time you spend on your phone and you'll call her on X day at X time for a catch up?

Cruel as it sounds, if she doesn't get off her phone, she'll never get out there and find friends or hobbies.

How old is she?

Yes I do think the only way forward is for me to be more direct, definitely. I just know she's going to be offended and I absolutely hate awkward conversations

She's in her mid forties

She found a girlfriend last year at which point she was texting a lot less and wasn't lonely but the relationship didn't go anywhere and when they parted ways the texting ramped up again

Why doesn't she work if she' only mid forties?

You're just going to have to be blunt and say you're busy / at work and can't text and you'll call her one evening in the week for a catch up.

Start with a positive, "You're a fab friend and miss you. Can we meet up as I don't like texting all the time". Say you're a little worried about her as she sounds lonely.

She says she has a problem with her lung and I also suspect depression. I do think working, even part time, would alleviate the boredom and she'd surprise herself

Jesus this would do my head in.

I'm afraid you need to be kind but honest with this one. Maybe arrange a weekly call? Where you can have a good chat and catch up on the week. At least then you'll both have things to talk about!

hhmmm... she might be "offended" .... is that shortspeak for getting her own way and being insensitive to others? bite the bullet and tell her, you might find her response interesting to guage her care for you as a friend. lovey has a nice idea to do it nicely. i can't see why anyone would take offence at that.

DP finds it funny and calls her my admirer, I might send her his number for a catch up instead

On a serious note I'm going to put something in a text later on, we're expecting dc2 and I just don't have time to juggle two young children, work and being an on call text buddy all day

I would reply to a text and finish with '"busy all day today, catch you tomorrow xx!'

Just respond infrequently, and if she asks 'what's wrong?' reply with 'why would anything be wrong? I just don't like texting as often as you do'. And leave it there. You keep trying to appease her.

I have kept trying to appease her yes. I'm too soft and felt bad for her feeling lonely

Tell her you are going to have a phone detox for a bit and you will only be able to message her once a day for a while.

I’d like what lovely has posted.

Or you could say that you have decided you don’t want to spend as much time on your phone, so you won’t be checking it as often and she isn’t to worry if she doesn’t hear from you. You can then not answer for a day. —or two—