Friend texts all day every day

[Mothership241]

For the past year or so one of my closest friends (long distance since I moved away) has taken to texting me every waking moment of the day, I'm talking about a running dialogue of her day from "good morning! How are you and DS today" up until the point she retires to bed at night time. We talk so often I rarely have much to say and it's getting quite tiresome.

I've started to respond less and more infrequently in attempts to cut down the volume of contact but feel bad because I think she's quite lonely.

How can I put across to her that the constant texting is too much and is quite draining?

Would you mind this level of contact?

Shes lovely and a dear friend but I find it very, very draining.

Or what frosty said.

You can mute Facebook conversations and put her phone number on Do not disturb. I know it doesn’t stop her messaging you but it will mean you won’t know she has until you actually go looking!

I'm going to pop a cheerful status on Facebook saying I'm having a phone detox to spend more quality time with family in the run up to Christmas so will catch up with messages and check ins over the festive period, that way she won't think I'm singling her out. Is that 'too much' though? I don't want others to think I'm being pretentious.

Mind you I can set the status so that only she sees it, but she won't know that.

Good idea to set it so only she sees it. You can still send her the odd “thinking of you” type message but at least she’ll think that your sporadic replies are because of the detox. After a while she’ll get used to it and it will hopefully just become the norm between you both to message each other occasionally

That's a great idea, yeah change the privacy to just her. As you say it's not about her then.
She'll be back full throttle in January though
I feel suffocated just reading your posts OP, you've done well to last this long.

I wonder if she fancies you? Cause this is the sort of thing you do with an partner.

I feel suffocated just reading your posts OP, you've done well to last this long

me too!

Status is up and her inbox remains unanswered! Fingers crossed it works

@safetyfreak DP said the same so I can't be %100 sure as I don't know whether it's just me who gets it daily

Ha, I know someone like this who used to do a bit of part time work for us, except in our case it was my H she constantly texted or WhatsApped , she was a bored and a bit lonely single mum and clearly had bugger all boundaries. Mind you he played along with it as ‘didnt Want to upset her’ instead he upset me!! I would ask your friend if she minds cutting back as it’s distracting you

That’s a great idea! Stick to it and after Xmas if she does start sending lots of messsages again just say you’ve enjoyed the phone free month so much, you’re continuing with it forever.

I think you need to stop indulging her . Plenty of suggestions on here how to drop hints etc to stop or reduce the texts but you have said tried this etc you need to try harder and stop feeling sorry for her . It's not your fault she's lonely, sorry to be harsh she doesn't work , no partner or kids no hobbies. Well she needs to do something about it and you need to deliver that to her she obviously can't take a hint . You are busy with work , partner kids so she is a bit selfish expecting you to be there for all the time . To be blunt she needs to get a life

Yeah I'm not going to indulge in the aimless chit chat for a minute more, if I need to be blunt after Xmas then I'll do that (kindly)

I love a chin wag and a catch up with friends but not every day. There's only so much small talk you can have.

oh dear op i have just fallen out with a close friend and this was one of the main reasons. she was the exact same and couldnt take a hint.. if i didnt reply i would get the u ok? r u getting my messages ok? whats up? can you tell me what i done to offend you? thias was every single day i gound myself turning my phone off to hide from her. it all came to a head at tge weekend past. she messaged me and i was still sleeping woke up to 8 missed calls and her messaging me a long rant about how she has been trying to see if i was ok but i keep ignoring her.. i couldnt take anymore and snapped at her.. a big argument followed andi have blocked her number. these messages have been going on for over a year all day everyday .

apologies for all the typos trying to type with new acrylic nails that am not used too. x

That would send my anxiety bananas

Turn off all notifications on your phone, or put it on "do not disturb" for a few hours (if you have an iphone)

the best bit is my friend has 4 kids one of which is a 4 month old so plenty to keep her busy she would start at 8:30am and keep going till bedtime. i ended up blanking her calls aswell as she would expect to be on the phone for 2hours plus at a time... this is at half8 when am trying to get my own kids too school. it just got way too much for me to cope with. x

@ihopeyouwitchesareready oh dear I'm sorry that you can relate! I bet it feels like a cloud has shifted though, finally speaking up and letting her know that it's not OK and you won't put up with it anymore. God only knows how she finds the name to sit on the phone for two hours at a time with 4 DC including a tiny baby! I have one DS who's 10 months and when I'm home there's no way he's happy being left to his own devices for two hours whilst I do me-things (until bed time by which point the last thing I want is a long drawn out phone conversation)

@beeefcake ironically I do suffer from anxiety and can testify to the fact that the constant ping ping certainly doesn't help lol

I would hate this level of contact.

I have a friend like that. I deal with it by texting back infrequently, or just saying I'm out, at work etc. She used to call me late evening a few times a week too but has now stopped as often I didn't pick up.

Although she called 9.45pm tonight and when I didn't pick up, sent me a text..! I'm in wind-down mode at this time on a weeknight, I don't want to be chatting and she likes long convo. She's nice, but it's too much

I'm at a loss as to why anyone would think playing phonepals is interesting. There must be a psychology behind all this.

Glad you got it sorted OP, I'm going to take a leaf out of your book I think

I do have this arrangement with some friends and it suits us all, we are carers and share daily crises and concerns. Usually on facebook for an hour a day, we literally go through every little detail. Its something I enjoy tremendously - its like a relief (bit like having a fag that sort of "hit" of stress relief). However, if my kids were still small no way would I be spending so much time.

I'd really want to know if any of my friends wanted to step back from the arrangement so I think you have really done the right thing OP. I mean yours wasn't even a mutual arrangement, she just seems to have assumed you are very available!!

BTW I found some of my particular friends on Meet Up.com in a women only support group so we are all very like minded - maybe this is what your friend needs? (as in friendship not looking for a partner sort of thing).

@MistressDeeCee I'm the same when it comes to late evenings and night times, I go into wind down mode and the last thing I want is to chit chat with friends. Hope you manage to sort something with your friend too, as it can be a pain.

She's very into politics and most of our conversations tail off into talks about Theresa May and or brexit and I find it a bit boring. I don't have time to follow links to stories about the BBC and suchlike either.

That's not to say I don't enjoy a healthy debate now and then, I just think there's more upbeat topics to chew the fat over and not every day at that

@DishingOutDone I'm glad this sort of arrangement works for you.

When it's mutually agreed then it's a whole other kettle of fish, but like you say in my case its quite one sided and expected regardless of whether I fancy a chat or not

I haven't heard of meetup but I'll definitely suggest that to her when we next speak, in a tactful way of course.

It's not nice feeling lonely and I've certainly had similar spells myself in the past but I'm very conscious not to impose myself or expect too much of others. I don't think my friend realises she's being a bit much and I know she doesn't mean any harm

She's very into politics and most of our conversations tail off into talks about Theresa May and or brexit and I find it a bit boring. I don't have time to follow links to stories about the BBC and suchlike either. Oh this is annoying that's just the sort of friend I'd like!!

Sorry - annoying as in would you believe it - I could do with someone like that and you could do with a break from them!

I have a male friend that does this.

What made it better was muting him on messenger as well as hiding when I am online from him. Then once every few days ‘pop in’ for a proper chat when it suits me, and after a while will end the chat properly by saying something like ‘well I’d better be getting on with things, it was nice to chat, catch you later in the week’ or something