Am I being picky or should the timings of a divorce matter?

[Lottie35]

Would greatly appreciate advice!

I found out tonight (I asked directly) that my BF of 3 months was only divorce 3 weeks before meeting me on a dating app. He led me to believe it was over 4 months.

He didn't see the divorce coming, he was madly in love with his wife and she only moved out 5 weeks before he got together with me..in the mean time he'd been on the dreaded tinder and dated other girls - fine but not exactly grieving.

I'm upset because he was economical with the truth but has turned it round on me saying time is irrelevant and why should i care. He also said that within the 5 weeks of his ex moving out and getting together we met he did all his grieving i just can't believe it??!

I've always felt he's been pushing for more ie seeing me more, wanting me to move in, he talks about marriage (he's been married twice before) and really pushing to meet my family. At times it's made me feel uncomfortable i feel like the rebound and crazy for thinking this way because he makes me feel like i'm being silly - am i?

I find him quite needy and insecure and now it makes sense. He refuses to say he is insecure even though he's made me feel slutty for having ex's (I've been single for 2 years to get over my ex) and loads of other little things. He won't admit to lying to me or admitting he has baggage from him recent divorce.
Am i being picky? paranoid? or am i being reasonable?

What the hell do I do?! I have zero confidence in relationships from a nasty ex in the past and paranoid I'll ruin a healthy relationship. He says he loves me so much but there is a nagging feeling it's more obsession and escapism for him. I feel like crap .

Listen to the nagging feeling, it is telling you the truth.

SLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Also, lying (even by omission) is A Bad Thing

Yep , couldn't agree more! Female intuition is telling me he's pushing everything so i can replace the set up he once had ...well had a few months back with his wife .

Gutted. feel like i could be anyone as long as i fit in :(

Might there have been a prolonged separation, albeit living under the same roof (perhaps forced to due to limited earnings or something)?

As in they could have split some time ago and then after the nisi came through they sold up / moved out etc?

Timing not ideal but lying an absolute 100% dealbreaker, I’d say you are focusing on the wrong element of the situation. Also needy, insecure and nasty/judgemental about your past...run!

Big red flag that he is calling you a slut for having previous relationships. Also him rushing you is all about what he wants not your needs.

Definitely not financial things. Up until the end of July he thought there were no issues and she moved out mid/end of Aug but it wasn't prolonged separation etc it came out of the blue and happened really quickly for him.

He hasn't called me a slut. He comes across as very sweet and respectful however increasingly I've noticed stuff that makes me uncomfortable. For instance I'll talk about something and he'll say 'Oh was that with your ex' or 'which ex were you with'. I mentioned a holiday to Spain i went on with friends and his instant reaction was oh was that with your ex?
Also had lunch with a good male friend and mentioned id seen him , BF has met said male friend and asked me did you two have thing then...i bet he fancies you ....i feel like im in the dock. Cheeky when all along he'e the one on the rebound!!!!

This isn't me being picky or too independent is it?

I’m very confused with the timing? How can he have been divorced within 5 weeks. It takes months?

It should be this complicated three months in.

More red flags than Red Square on Defender of the Fatherland Day.

^Shouldn’t be this complicated!!

No, you are not being picky.

You’ve only been with him 3 months and he’s lied to you and made you feel uncomfortable about your very normal past?

I’d say that now would be a good time to decide you’d rather not see any more of him.

There is no such thing as ‘too’ independant. 3 months in and of course you should still be independant!!!

He sounds like a prize bell end.

Lot of alarm bells ringing here in the way he is making you feel, his pushiness in developing the relationship super fast and the fact it does sound like a clear rebound.

RUN NOW

If you have these doubts and feelings after three months, I think you should listen to them and seriously consider whether you want to continue in the relationship.

He sounds like a fucking proto "seems a bit jealous to start with and it's flattering almost but actually turns into a hideous green controlling beast" man reading your most recent post with his obvious obsession with your exes and you being around other men. Run for the hills.

I suspect he's lying about all of it. You still barely know him after just a few months and his real nasty self is showing up.

To put it into context, it took 2 years for me to get divorced. Both parties have to fill in a load of paperwork, and it takes months to go through the courts.

What he is saying can’t be true.

Divorces don't happen in that timescale. I think there had to be 6 weeks between decree nisi and decree absolute. And that doesn't include getting all the paperwork together in the first place and filed at court. And going through finances.
He's giving you a very odd version of events.

He can’t possibly be divorced within a mere five weeks between finding out she wanted to leave and him meeting you.... Surely it takes months if not years! Does he mean separated? If he’s saying divorced already = more lies.

So how long is he saying it took to get a divorce?

It's not an cert but I wouldn't get against his marriage breakdown being related to his use of dating apps or similar given that he must have moved out (not divorced- like PPs have pointed out I assume he meant separated) And immediately downloaded them.

Oh god, and i thought I was intelligent! I'm pretty dumb :( Asked him now outright the date of his divorce.
His response... i signed paper work in Aug/sept and haven't had anything back yet....does that mean he isn't officially divorced?

He finished off the message saying i shouldn't get wound up and i should be annoyed. questioning my feelings as though i'm over reacting. Am I over reacting?

No he’s a lying twat
He probably wasn’t ever married or he’s still married
Or any other variation of his lies.

In any case, unless you’re 15 of course you have boyfriends before.

There is literally no positive in him.

I would think more of him, if he said, I’m married and I just want some fun. At least that would be honest

He's not divorced.

Absolutely!!! Im so happy in my life I wouldn't care if he just wanted fun but why lie and dress it up?!

He's blaming me for getting upset and annoyed over messages saying he's done nothing wrong etc I feel in a way this is emotional manipulation. Even when he's been caught out i'm to blame for being upset.