Why does this happen ?developing crush

[Issy777]

This happened before too. I strongly developed a crush on someone from a club I was attending and now it's happened again...
Been on n off with dp for 15 years. He can be very controlling, maybe bordering on some EA but I am happy as a family unit.

Now have a crazy crush on a guy at work who funnily enough never spoke to just see him about .

Is this normal? I hate it. I just get almost obsessive basically like a crush you'd have in your high school days. Does it mean I'm lacking something in my relationship?

I just can't help the way I feel. I get excited about seeing him anyone have any advice or experience?

You say you've never spoke to him or anything, sounds like a bit of escapism, lots of people get them in long term relationships. Are you happy with partner?

If he's abusive and controlling you're looking around. Why don't you leave your husband and find someone nice?

@Sausage101

That's exactly what it could be. Thank you for your reply, I just wonder if it's common and what can you do about it.

Not happy with dp in some ways cos of his lack of respect to me, this work guy always smiles at me n once stared intensely. I found it odd but hasn't spoke to me yet..

I do worry if he does I'll get more infatuated

I’d suggest first off don’t have an affair. Even if he exposes a bit of chest hair, cranks up the Barry White and struts his funky stuff.

Clearly you’re not in a happy relationship and understandably your starting to look elsewhere for love, intimacy, kindness, pick yer poison. It’s easy after long term relationships to accept the hand your dealt, better the devil you know right? And why upend the apple cart. It’s not always terrible right? But sometimes we have to make tough choices. Do we spend many an hour and blood and sweat and tears, trying to make the relationship work? Or do we accept the relationship isn’t for you and start looking for a new partner, one who can make you truly happy. It’s a terrible choice to have to make but you need to make it. One day that strong attraction will develop into something more and hen you’ll be in trouble. Best of luck.

What is it you like about the man at work? Do you imagine he has qualities that are absent in dp?

With the work guy it could be anything, easy to project fantasies onto smiles and looks. Not saying that to be horrible just think it's easy to do that. Maybe he smiles and stares at everyone?

Yeah I think crushes at work are common really, you see the best side of people at work and often work together on stuff sharing jokes banter etc and sometimes people find they start to sit with the same person, share stuff and talk etc.

I think the way you deal with is to take a step back and think do you know this person? Just a few looks and smiles isn't much, if you're not happy it could be easy to read anything into a few smiles or stares.

Maybe it's a bit of escapism from home if you're unhappy but I'd sort out what's going on with partner if you're really unhappy.

Working from memory, there is a high chance that this is a symptom of a relationship that (at least for you) isn't working.

Are you actually satisfied in your current relationship? Your answer is in that, not in some other bloke. But I imagine it's common to develop crushes to day dream about the perfect life with when home is shite.

I get this. Sometimes I think its a way to make work more tolerable.

It's escapism from your crappy relationship.

Maybe subconsciously you're looking for that push out of your inertia to get out of your relationship. Plenty of people have "exit affairs", where either the AP motivates them to leave or the crash when they get found out ends their relationship. It's a messy way of doing it.

Think you've all made very points. Not happy in the relationship because of his chauvinistic expectations and sometimes the way he treats me can be wry unpleasant.

But glad to hear this isn't uncommon! I really thought it was and thought there was something mental going on as I seem to develop these huge crushes. The work guy actually said hello to me today which was shocking but again any little contact makes me act like a schoolgirl in love arghhh I know he is probably just being friendly and there's nothing to it but I just can't help obsessing with him I see him every lunch because he's on duty

How can I engage conversation with him?

@Shybi
Thank you. Thought I would be blasted but I'm so glad it's more common sense than I thought just makes me feel like it's not some kind of mid life crisis thing haha

Why are you asking how to engage in a conversation with him? playing with fire comes to mind.

@GrannyHaddock

No it's actually quite physical as he is really cute and laddish. My type, Irish lad cute smile lovely blue eyes
But then I was in a training session that he was in n liked him even more as he's very intelligent, authoritative and geeky lol. I don't have a clue how he'd be as a lover

Op step away, you're in a relationship. He might be too? Do you want to be known as the person at work that does this?

Sort things out with your partner, it doesn't sound like you are happy. Maybe some counselling or at least some talk with him. Starting anything at work with this man isn't the answer and will cause problems.

People are saying it's common to have a crush when you're in a relationship but not to act on it. It's normal to still fancy people a bit but it's how you deal with it. If you start getting obsessed with this crush and pursuing him you could get in a right mess, at work and home.

Good luck.

of course its physical you haven't even spoken to each other

I don't have a clue how he'd be as a lover

Stop entertaining him in your head. Sort the marriage or divorce.
Surely once upon a time you felt this way to your husband? could you dig deep and find that spark?

for what its worth if he is good looking, employed and authoritative (mr grey? ) he probably is in a relationship. Men like that are snapped up so quickly.

Hmm, you are planning on an exit affair then, by the way you're talking.

I dont actually think she needs to sort out her relationship. I almost always fancy someone at work, I dont act on it. No harm done and makes the working day something to look forward to.

Well she said that her partner is controlling and doesn't like him. Still not an excuse to start anything though.

Yeah I think a lot of people do but just acknoweldge it for what is it, bit of fantasy, nothing more.

Don't engage in conversation!! You fancy him already, Don't start cosying up to him. Avoid. And remember he still goes stinky shits and probably picks his toenails in bed. Anything to put you off tbh.

Crushes come and go in my experience. Some men just have an aura about them at work which appeals to my inner neanderthal woman. Particularly the ones that hold power, are authoritative, yet friendly and 'loved and respected by their colleagues'.
They're usually the ones I wouldn't bat an eyelid at outside of the workplace, but when you see them in a work scenario, you get to see a little bit of who they are.
Don't obsess over it. It will pass.

For me, getting a crush has always been a reliable sign that I am not happy in my current relationship. Sort that out, then you will feel much better about yourself.

ew @Dirtybadger

@BettyCrook

Haha love it! He is a teacher so guess naturally authoritative but I seem to bump into him only at lunch times as he does lunch duty and the way he handles the students is pretty authoritative and sexy if ya get my drift lol.

I guess nothing will happen anyway but it's just this mad crush. I look forward to going into work to see him I feel like a lovesick teenager.

@Shybi

Thank you so much
I'm glad it's not just me
And I suppose my dp is the same... he has often told me about women at his work being nice and "if he was single..."

I guess there's no harm cos I don't think he'll ever talk to me anyway we're in completely different faculties