Why does this happen ?developing crush

[Issy777]

This happened before too. I strongly developed a crush on someone from a club I was attending and now it's happened again...
Been on n off with dp for 15 years. He can be very controlling, maybe bordering on some EA but I am happy as a family unit.

Now have a crazy crush on a guy at work who funnily enough never spoke to just see him about .

Is this normal? I hate it. I just get almost obsessive basically like a crush you'd have in your high school days. Does it mean I'm lacking something in my relationship?

I just can't help the way I feel. I get excited about seeing him anyone have any advice or experience?

I think this may burst your bubble..or ignite your fire and I really dont know why i'm saying it but i will anyway.. apparently however you are in day to day life it is the opposite in the bedroom
think, powerful high ranking men paying for humiliation and domination

@Dirtybadger

😂😂😂😂😂
I will keep this in mind for tomorrow. I am just so taken aback that he actually said hi to me in the corridor to me - teachers from different faculties don't usually do that especially at our workplace, it's very clicky everyone stays in their own faculties

@Notan

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼omg this. ThT is sooo true! The first time I came across him I had just come back from maternity, and he was hollering at this really naughty student that everyone can't stand!! I did initially think "wow he's cute" but maybe it is that factor too

You have a partner and he might do too. Also remember this phrase if you like your job 'don't shit where you eat.'

@FinallyHere

I don't know how to sort it though guess I'm kind of stuck in a rut

We had split up before too and before we split the sam thing happened - developed an obsessive crush on a guy, nothing happened but I was like a lovesick teenager and all I could think about was my crush.

@Sausage101

Nothing will happen. I know it, I did the same thing years back with another guy at a club I was coaching at. I think subconsciously I don't allow anything to happen as I am totally against cheating.
However, I do like the thrill/chase/infatuation part it's weird. I just wanted to see if it was normal ?!

Although, I know that term- I swear there's about 7 work couples here!! Including teaching and support staff. It's so weird but it's like a well known thing ppl getting together here, 4 are married, the others in relationships!!
They seem to fraternise in their own faculties tho - it's rare there's a couple from separate faculties.

@Issy777 I could have written this post. Not the specifics obviously but I have recently developed a huge crush at work and my head is all over the place. Husband has his faults but I'm not looking to leave. 2 year old baby at home. But can't get this guy (who is NOT my type and is old enough to be my dad) out of my head.

So, no advice. But empathy... 🙈

I give up.

@bangersandmash723

Thank you sooo much for sharing your experience. I was dreading posting this as I thought I was be grilled (there's other posts I've made that ppl have completely bombarded me with not so nice comments)I feel really pleased and relieved that's it's not just me!!!

Can I ask if the guy you have a crush on converses with you? And if so, does he show interest?

I just feel extremely crazy about him. But it's weird cos I only see him like upto 5 minutes a day kind off n that's not every day so it's really weird.
I was so surprised he said hi to me in the corridors, I was actually busy reading something n both of us were headed to the same area so not sure if he just did it as a pleasantry but now I'm obsessing over it it's so hard

I've had a couple of crushes, lived a fantasy life in my head with a chap I know slightly - but in my head, much more than slightly. I never, ever showed it & it passed, both times.

You're normal!

@Issy777 yeah we recently had a move around at work (huge govt building) and so I only met him about 6 weeks ago. His opening line was "you're bangersandmash" rather than an introduction which some people would find creepy but I found really intriguing - he just has very twinkly eyes and there's something about him. Kept catching myself daydreaming about him, we would occasionally catch each other's eye. Then last week ended up sitting opposite him and was quite flirty and went for coffee together. Nothing remotely inappropriate said save a joke when we nearly sat on the same chair. He's married as am I, so not going anywhere. I'd like to think I'm alright to flirt with those ground rules firmly in mind but I need to stop thinking about him!

I think we are only human, and are bound to be attracted to other people over time. I guess it's how we deal with that that matters. Not convinced I'm handling this well but I think it's because he's so out of my comfort zone (usually go for big hairy men and he's 20 years my senior and looks like Jon Richardson).

I guess I just think you're fine to talk to him, but you need to be clear in your mind how you feel about your own relationship first. Then you see where that puts anything else. Harmless flirtation or... 😬

@bangersandmash723 wow so he's a lot younger than you ? I don't have a clue how old this guy is, my mate says he looks around 27/28ish so younger than me but I think he may be more my age.

Wow reading ur story I actually felt a gutted that I'm not on talking terms with my crush but I find it so hard to engage convo, Iv actually come up with scenarios I could go talk to him like he teaches a student of mine so I could "pretend" to ask him something on him/a concern. I've looked up god timetable and he has a free when I do. I feel like I'm stalking him now so in one way it's better you did engage with urs as I feel the more time goes by, the more desperate I am for some interaction.

Has he made any noises about taking it further? And on a side note Jon Richardson is a cutie

Sorry I read that wrong he's 20 years older than you**

Yeah he's older - I'm not sure exactly how old but he mentioned he had worked there for Xyears and I laughed and said I was 1 y/o when you started here. There was a bit of banter about that.

He's not said anything about taking anything anywhere and I don't know that I want him to. He made a comment about having a lovely view the day that I was opposite him, and subsequently said I had a lovely smile and he was flattered I wanted to go for coffee with him - so I think he does fancy me, but i think knowing that would be enough. (All of those things sound a bit creepy written down but didn't feel it IRL). He certainly doesn't have a reputation for being like this from what I know. We just have good chemistry and talking to him over coffee was so easy. He's on holiday this week and it feels like it's dragging!

Urgh I'm talking too much and it's not even my thread sorry. Good to offload though - considered writing a post but bottled it!

Keep me posted! I have no idea how to PM (I'm on the app) but will learn!

OP are you aries or libra? they tend to enjoy the chase :)

Do you actually hate it? It sounds worryingly enjoyable rather than something you don't like, from your further description.

I'm very happily married and have experienced a few of these intense crushes at work. To the point I'm very distracted from family life.

Usually said crush turns out to be a total twat or I realise my husband is awesome (mostly) and it passes.

I don't think it's weird or unusual.

I do think you should ditch your dp anyway though.

@BettyCrook

Funny you mention that, I'm very much into starsigns and desperate to find out his as I have only ever been with water signs - Scorpios and Cancerians, it'd be interesting if he turns out to be a flipping Scorpio or Cancer hahha
I'm a Pisces - I always thought they're the most daydreaming sign haha

@Dirtybadger hate what?

@motortroll

Wow this is so me. I do this too and sometimes am so distracted by it but I am a born daydreamer and seem to fantasise a lot

@motortroll

Do you ever engage with your crush which makes you want them more or have they ever reciprocated?

You sound you hate feeling like this. But it sounds like you are enjoying it, moreso than hating it

Oh oops I meant "said you hate" not sound.

@Dirtybadger

I hate the fact I get almost obsessive, if it was just some crush I could keep as a "crush" that'd be fine but the fact I obsess and want to know everything about him is bordering on stalking now

@Issy777 well with one we used to chat in my room after hours a lot (teaching room, not bedroom lol) I took him for a drive after work a couple of times (classic cars!!) and then he suddenly shouted at me one day in a meeting for no apparent reason.

Then I realised he was a total twat and Kobe liked him 😂😂😂 he still had a nice bum though.

Hand on heart nothing physical ever happened and I don't think it would have. We never met up beyond workable there was never an indication there was even an emotional attachment. It was just an obsession in my head!