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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel betrayed by my bestfriend - overreacting?

53 replies

abz12345 · 27/11/2018 17:06

I'm not a parent but I thought posting here seemed a good idea as there has been a lot of good advice!

Grew up with my bestfriend in Ireland and moved to the UK for university, we continued to facetime pretty much 5 times a week. I have liked a guy named Craig for a few months now that lives in my uni halls and I have spoken to her many times about this and she has even given me advice on it etc, I invited her and my other friend over to my university halls which we planned to go on a nightout with few of us including Craig.

We didn't get let in as most of us were quite drunk so we got back to the uni halls and most of us went to sleep except for my bestfriend and Craig and they decided to go out together on their own. After about 3-4 hours I woke up and heard my bestfriend in Craig's room so I rang her and she came out and told me they got with each other.

I was obviously upset and crying etc and I kept asking questions about it and for some reason she insisted on telling me she was sober after most questions which I didn't understand because surely that's worse than doing it when drunk? Like why even say she was sober I just don't understand it!? Atleast lie surely????

OP posts:
mimibunz · 27/11/2018 17:09

That’s a betrayal. Kick her to the kerb. I wonder if she told him that you liked him?

mimibunz · 27/11/2018 17:10

Sorry OP, this is a shitty thing to do to a friend and it probably made her feel powerful. Flowers

ElspethFlashman · 27/11/2018 17:13

When did this happen? Is she still with you or has she gone home? How are things now?

Hazardswan · 27/11/2018 17:13

That's mean of her Sad

I wonder if she's jealous that your at uni and she feels stuck where she is?

Umbongointhejungle · 27/11/2018 17:15

That’s very cunty. Friends like that are not ever going to be good for your self esteem.

Original poster
abz12345 · 27/11/2018 17:17

Thanks for the reply, Craig came home from uni the next day and I was speaking to him and he mentioned she said something along the lines of 'I shouldn't be doing this' then he asked why etc and she said 'it's nothing to do with her but something to do with him' which made him think a little and then she said 'it's not her place to say'.

Which is kinda obvious now and I think he knows I do but i'll never do anything about it especially after what happened between them now, so annoyed!

OP posts:
Original poster
abz12345 · 27/11/2018 17:21

This happened two weeks ago and I was upset with her right away and she kept apologising and I stopped speaking about it to her but it's always at the back of my mind.

She has gone back to Ireland now and it kinda hurts because Craig is starting to talk to me about her and I feel like I shouldn't be in this situation at all.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 27/11/2018 17:22

What a bitch. She's not a very good or loyal friend to you.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/11/2018 17:23

No wonder you're annoyed, I'd drop kick her nasty little arse permanently, this is not friend, not one you can trust anyway. A real friend wouldn't have even considered going back to his room, let alone whimper a few 'woe is me' excuses. Hmm

Think about it this way, is this her pattern of her behaviour for any future man you show a slight interest in OP? not good Flowers

Get rid and I'd make sure she knows it's because of her behaviour.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/11/2018 17:24

Give Craig her number and forget him.

Smozzles · 27/11/2018 17:31

Oh my gosh!

I think if Craig tries to speak to you about it, you should just totally shut that one down. Tell him it's best to communicate directly with her. I think it'd be a good idea to write your friend an email telling her how let down and hurt you feel and that you're going to need some space from her. She sounds like quite the manipulative power-tripper.

Best of luck and remember there are lots of people out there beyond this friend and Craig, lots of guys who'll be only dying to be with you and lots of friends who'll honour your friendship. xx

GhostSauce · 27/11/2018 17:35

I'd ditch that friend.

ElspethFlashman · 27/11/2018 17:39

Don't invite her back over. Ever.

She knew well she would never see Craig again. She was dropping hints about you but not enough to stop her getting what she wanted.

She LOVED the drama of it all. I bet she thought she was a real femme fetale. Fucking eejit. I'm scarlet for her.

Ghost the bitch. She's no friend of yours.

And whilst you're at it, it might be no harm to spend a bit less time with Craig. You are not his relationship therapist, FFS. And if he does suspect you liked him and that's what she was heavily hinting, then he's just being cunty speaking to you about her at all.

Cawfee · 27/11/2018 17:46

Blimey. What a shit friend. Don’t tell her about blokes again and don’t invite her to anything ever again. She’s out of order! So not cool. Forget this Craig bloke too. There must be hundreds of good looking blokes at Uni. Don’t waste a single tear on one sad one. Go out and enjoy yourself! I’d give anything to go back to my Uni days! Get out there and kick your heels up and meet as many fit guys as is possible. You’ll soon forget this Craig ever existed. He’s tainted goods now anyway

puzzledlady · 27/11/2018 17:47

What a cow! Urghh. Dump her.

magoria · 27/11/2018 17:47

She is not your friend. There seems to be no real care for you at all there. Best thing with the distance is to cut her off.

Distance yourself from Craig too. He is interested in her not you.

Give yourself time to mourn the loss of someone who you were more of a friend to than they were to you. Then dust yourself off and enjoy the rest of uni.

There are plenty of guys there. If you are not looking at Craig you may notice some others.

Alysanne · 27/11/2018 17:48

She's not a friend, time to move on from her and enjoy being at university. You have a whole new world at your feet and though it doesn't feel like it right now there will be other Craig's out there waiting Flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/11/2018 17:49

In the words from Lauren from the hills forgive and forget “forgive her and forget her”

Sethis · 27/11/2018 17:53

What a cunt.

And I use that word extremely rarely, about anyone, ever. It's the one swear word I don't feel comfortable deploying except in extremis.

Absolute cunt.

I'd unfriend, block, unfollow, and Ctrl-F4 her from your life. Period.

If Craig mentions her, then breezily say "Yeah, I'm not friends with her any more, because she thought it was okay to sleep with this guy I quite fancied when she came to visit, even though I'd told her dozens of times how much I fancied him"

See what he makes of that. If he's a decent human being he'll be apologetic, and might even be the start of something between the two of you, if you're still interested in him that way. If he doesn't seem bothered or doesn't twig that it's him then he's an idiot or a wanker and you're well rid of the pair of them.

FetchezLaVache · 27/11/2018 17:54

not overreacting at all - that's a fucking shitty thing to do to a friend.

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/11/2018 17:56

What a horrible thing to do, and like you say, how weird to keep stressing that she was sober. Does she really like him and want to see him again? The only way I could understand (But not forgive) this is if it was true love and they just couldn't help themselves.

Otherwise I think she probably is just jealous of your new life. Maybe she's subconsciously ruining your friendship because she's worried that you will 'dump' her for your new friends in the future (I'm not saying you will btw) and her ego won't allow her to be the dumped one??

Umbongointhejungle · 27/11/2018 18:04

Be very aware, that this is just the start of things to come if you stay friends with her.
Sabotage is the word I would use, and there might be tonnes of reasons for it, but that’s her shit to work out in therapy if she ever has enough self awareness to take that route.
Do not let people treat you like shit, do not tolerate shitty behaviour. I wish I had been given that advice when I was your age, so I’m giving it to you now!

InProgress · 27/11/2018 18:23

Would you have gone back to visit her and slept with a guy she told you she fancies? Nope? That's because you're a good friend and she's a dick.

You need to dump Craig too. Give yourself a bit of time and space to get over him and then get yourself out with your actual friends. Do not be his relationship counsellor, that will only mess with your head and stop you seeing others around you who are much more worthy of your attention.

magoria · 27/11/2018 18:29

You know you can never trust this person don't you? She didn't even say she was drunk. No excuse. She wanted to shag him so she did. She didn't care how you felt.

If you ever get a boyfriend, fiance or husband she may well decide she wants what you have then and make a play for them. Hopefully they will turn her down flat.

You know she is happy to do this though.

springydaff · 27/11/2018 18:34

My sister did this to me.

You have my sympathy 🌸

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