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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel betrayed by my bestfriend - overreacting?

53 replies

abz12345 · 27/11/2018 17:06

I'm not a parent but I thought posting here seemed a good idea as there has been a lot of good advice!

Grew up with my bestfriend in Ireland and moved to the UK for university, we continued to facetime pretty much 5 times a week. I have liked a guy named Craig for a few months now that lives in my uni halls and I have spoken to her many times about this and she has even given me advice on it etc, I invited her and my other friend over to my university halls which we planned to go on a nightout with few of us including Craig.

We didn't get let in as most of us were quite drunk so we got back to the uni halls and most of us went to sleep except for my bestfriend and Craig and they decided to go out together on their own. After about 3-4 hours I woke up and heard my bestfriend in Craig's room so I rang her and she came out and told me they got with each other.

I was obviously upset and crying etc and I kept asking questions about it and for some reason she insisted on telling me she was sober after most questions which I didn't understand because surely that's worse than doing it when drunk? Like why even say she was sober I just don't understand it!? Atleast lie surely????

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 27/11/2018 18:39

Completely out of order. Dump her.

billiby · 27/11/2018 18:45

She didn't do it in spite of knowing how you felt, she did it because she knew how you felt.

There's a world of difference. She's a frenemy, distance yourself.

Pimmsypimms · 27/11/2018 18:50

Wow, what a shitty thing to do! She’s no friend op, a friend wouldn’t go there Flowers

Janus · 27/11/2018 18:52

Some people are better to move on from, she is one of them.
I have a dd who has just started uni, I’d be horrified if one of her friends came to visit and did this to her, I’d be telling her to just concentrate on uni friends and let that friendship go. Sad way to find out she’s not a good friend. Hope all goes well from now on.

mumto2babyboys · 27/11/2018 18:53

Just don't talk to him again

mumto2babyboys · 27/11/2018 18:53

And yes I meant him not her

You and her might be able to make up at some point but he isn't worth it

Baking101 · 27/11/2018 18:57

Ditch them both. You deserve better than either of them.

CryptoFascist · 27/11/2018 19:48

Yeah it's totally shit of her. I agree with pp, she is probably jealous of you being at uni and this made her feel better about herself. I'd write both her and Craig off, at least as relationship potential as far as Craig is concerned.

Original poster
abz12345 · 27/11/2018 20:05

Wow thanks everyone for the messages I really appreciate it, i'm glad you all think i'm not overreacting I really appreciate it. I asked this same question on a different forum and someone said I was overreacting as I should of made a move beforehand as he 'wasn't my possession' which made me think a little.

But yeah honestly appreciate the advice and I'm gonna try my best to slowly stay away from her as much as possible.

OP posts:
user1484424013 · 27/11/2018 20:14

She is a cute hoor. Be done with that skank.

She planned it and you know it and she has everything and I tell you now this bitch will be the one trying to get with all your fellas. And you will always be suspicious and you will ruin future relationship and as for fucking Craig. He showed you what a dirty dog he is by getting with after knowing her a few hours later. Let them at it you deserve better and find someone else to have fun with xx

SaltLamp · 27/11/2018 20:28

He's not your possession but she is/was your friend. You get to chose what to do about the friendship now. I wouldn't stand for this.

Trinity66 · 27/11/2018 20:30

're your update : Maybe that was your friend posting on the other Forum OP Grin

Whocansay · 27/11/2018 20:46

She is not your friend. She went out of her way to shag the bloke she knew you fancied and then filled you in on all the juicy details. That isn't about possession. Friends don't do that. She's a cunt.

But, she's a cunt who lives in Ireland. You live in the UK. Happily, it is very easy for you to stop taking her calls. You don't have to see her again.

She will have told him how you feel. I agree with the previous poster who advised you to give him her number and cut him off too. Find some people who appreciate you.

Linziepie · 27/11/2018 20:47

She did a really shitty thing and likely only did it because you liked him to boost her self esteem. I would tell her how upset you are and distance myself, certainly don't invite her back over but you are only 18 (I assume) you are from the same place and therefore I wouldn't cut her out of your life completely. You will never remember Craig once you have left uni and you might be able to maintain a friendship with her in the future.

minou123 · 27/11/2018 21:06

The person on the different forum may have a point IF the girl he slept with was a random girl, someone you didn't know.
But that is not the case here, this girl is your best friend. You are not overreacting.

Personally, I would start to reduce contact with her and definitely not tell her anything personal anymore.

sonjadog · 27/11/2018 21:07

True that he isn’t your posession but she is your friend and friends don’t behave this way.

I remember similar situations happening when I was a student. I think we put up with a lot of very poor friendship behaviour then that we learnt is unacceptable later in life.

Umbongointhejungle · 27/11/2018 23:45

Correct he is not your possession.
No one is.
But friends are friends and they don’t fuck someone you REALLY LIKE
much like they don’t fuck your boyfriend or husband etc etc

Itwasatuesday · 28/11/2018 09:48

I had a friend like this. Let her do it to me 3 times, every time she was sorry but the boy came onto her, except an ex told me he'd doesn't the night hiding from her as she was all over him, he didn't do anything with her but she told me he chased her. All this was 20 years ago, but I believe she is still the same now! I wouldn't know, I ditched her ass finally. Don't let your 'friend' get another chance, and tell Craig to sort his own love life out, he's being an ass if he understood the hints as well. Flowers

Itwasatuesday · 28/11/2018 09:48

he'd spent the night..

Original poster
abz12345 · 28/11/2018 13:16

Thank you everyone for your replies, I’ve read every one of them and taken in the advice.

Small update - Craig keeps mentioning her all the time to me and I’ve told him I don’t wanna hear anything about her anymore.

The ‘bestfriend’ has contacting me and i basically was upset over the phone to her and she kept apologising and even got upset herself but still kept mentioning she was sober the whole night which hurts too much.

Obviously it hurts knowing what she did behind my back but the fact that I can’t trust her anymore is the worst, also don’t understand why Craig is so obsessed with her.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 28/11/2018 13:22

Did you ask her why she keeps saying she was sober? What an odd thing to emphasise. Is she saying that to tell you that she's really into to him and it wasn't a mistake or what? Could explain why Craig keeps mentioning her to you aswell, that they're trying to tell you that they like eachother alot? Either way, I'd cut them both out of your life

Bluearsedfly36 · 28/11/2018 13:42

Get rid of the pair of them op. Life's to short to be dealing with people like this. Find some real friends xx

Original poster
abz12345 · 28/11/2018 14:42

Trinity66 - I’m not sure at all it’s making me overthink things but I’ve spoken to another friend and she said the same maybe she’s into him which I know I shouldn’t be mad about as I’m not with him but still upsetting to know she went behind my back.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 28/11/2018 14:45

why shouldn't you be mad about it, she totally betrayed you, no you don't have any "claim" over him but she's your best friend, she was the one who listened to you and advised you on your feelings about this guy, he should have been off limits before any "feelings" developed between them. She's not a friend to you if she'd put a shag with a guy who realistically because of the distance she's not going to have a future with over her friendship with you

madeyemoodysmum · 28/11/2018 14:59

What a bitch. Dump her arse