Dumped because I have children

[unibooj]

He knew I had 2 young dc when we met 6 months ago. Now he’s broken it off because he’s got cold feet about taking on children what aren’t his own. WTF? Why the fuck did he get involved in the first place then?

Because he didn't realise how much work kids were until he'd experienced them? Like most of us, really. Sorry he wasted your time though.

Sounds like an excuse, enjoy your lovely children and forget about him, he's not worth it!

I am sorry you are hurting. But I can get how someone would think it's fine, then feel different when reality kicks in.

It's not easy. It's better he says now, rather than the relationship progressing to living together and him resenting it.

I should say that he only met them twice. A month before he ended it. And in the context of a visiting friend. My children are only 2 and 4. Too young to understand anything more.

He probably had no idea about the responsibility needed to take on someone else's children.
I can completely understand him saying it's too much if he isn't ready to be a father.

I am a single mother to a 1.5 year old

user1483387154 agreed. It's a big ask to take on someone else's kids. He was honest at least.

Better that he tells you now. Sorry you’ve been let down.

Thank god you found out now, before he’d moved himself in and started picking on your kids!

It’s all bollocks anyway, chances are he’s met someone else and this is the excuse he’s come up with to pursue the other relationship

I know it hurts, but you will get over this, you will find a person who ISNT a monumental prick.

Sorry OP. That's rubbish. But at least you know before you get in any deeper..it might just be a get out excuse..or he just can't be arsed with the demands of children and the fact he has to " share" you. Whichever, you're better off without him

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Taking on little kids is a big ask. At least he was honest and broke it off as soon as he’d taken the decision.

I'm sorry for you but six months isn't very long to be making a big commitment. It's not easy taking on someone else's kids. At least he bowed out before you got to the stage of him moving in.

Move on but not so quickly. As your children get older, it will be easier.

I can understand while he would feel like this, having said that it could be part of an excuse, maybe the relationship wasn't going so well for him anyway. It's tough, but it is a lot to take on with them being so young but it may have ended anyway whether you had children or not.

Tbh I can see where he’s coming from 2 and 4 years old is extremely hard ages to deal with speaking as a mum to. 2.5 and 5 year old, we are completely worn out me and dh. He was honest with you and after meeting them decided it wasn’t for him.

1. It may be bollocks

1. May be genuine and he didn't realise until now

1. It may be that he realised he didn't gel with your kids in particular

Even if you have kids of your own Im sure its easy to meet someone and not really connect with their kids as with maybw others. Or to see the person's parenting style and realise you aren't suited. Then the other person isn't the one for you. And you don't know that until you meet the children really and see the dynamic

Sorry it feels like you wasted 6 months though

forget about him, he's not worth it

you will find a person who ISNT a monumental prick.

you're better off without him

I know a lot of responses have been very reasonable but the above is what I hate about MN and are utterly ridiculous!

What's the other thing we say to women on here? You dont owe anyone a relationship?

He met someone he liked; he dated them to get to know them a bit better and see if this is someone he could see a future with. You know, like anyone does.

It doesn't really matter whether he'd considered how compatible they/their lifestyles and commitments are and realised that step parenthood wasn't for him or whether he just realised he wasn't that into the OP, or whether he'd met someone else along the way he liked more. All of those are perfectly reasonable things and telling her, even if it was a little white lie to protect her feelings was the right thing to do.

Maybe it was the truth. Maybe he thought that "I can't cope with the responsibility of taking on such young children" didn't sound as insensitive as "I met someone I prefer more" or "I just don't fancy you anymore". It doesn't matter. It's his right to end it if it's not what he wants.

So what's with calling him a prick and saying he's not worth it?

I know it seems to be a bit of a 'thing' on here that some women martyr themselves and twist themselves into knots trying to make a current "new partner" of 3 weeks into The One but, back in the real world, people try out a relationship and then respectfully end it if they realise it isn't for them.

And that's fine. It doesn't make the person who ended it a prick or not worth it.

Honestly? You have a two year old and a four year old. They are your main responsibility. Any man who comes into your life a) has to be prepared to come second and b) is going to have to walk a tightrope between being helpful with the DC and interfering in your parenting.

The men who rush in are by and large the ones who see your vulnerability as a single parent and seek to exploit it.

Life is long and childhood is short. I would concentrate on DC and things you like to do, and adopt the same attitude of caution to any man rushing to be ‘taking on’ your DC as he has shown now. He has done the right thing by you by thinking seriously about his level of commitment.

Totally agree stars , I don't think it's helpful.

I also don't think it's helpful to try and convince the op, that he was cheating or a prick and she introduced him to the kids thinking he was decent.

How is any of that a better reason, for the op.

He felt their lives weren't compatible and made the sensible decision.

KataraJean is exactly right. Taking on a relationship with a mother is always going to be complicated and at greater risk. Far too many stresses.

Maybe his mother has persuaded him it’s not a good idea. I’d tell my son to think carefully before becoming involved with someone with a family already. It’s too complicated.

Maybe he’s only just realised the children are part of the packaged - if you’ve been together six months how has he only met them once? That feels as if your hiding the whole package to avoid him thinking about the children.

To be honest after reading some of the threads on here with stepfamilies it's definitely better to admit it's not for you than to sleepwalk into one and wake up to something you can't cope with.

He wasn't the right person for you

It all sounds very sensible and straightforward actually and am completely baffled why this guy is a 'monumental prick' as Hissy believes.

He had only just met the dcs because that is the sensible time lapse from meeting someone and introducing to the children. Until that point 'children' - his Girlfriends children - are theoretical and it all sounds quite doable even fun. Then the reality happens and he realises that 2 young children don't just take some of her attention but ALL of her attention when they are around. Quite a different scenario from the norm of their relationship so far. When it's been all focus on each other.
Far from being a dick, this man sounds like he has been very mature and realised that his girlfriend CANNOT be the carefree Singleton he has been dating and HE doesn't feel able to step into a step parent role.

Good honest man in my book.

I don't think he's done anything wrong either. You've been dating for a short period of time and he's decided it's not the relationship for him so has ended it. He doesn't owe you anything.

He may have known you had children but you can't surely expect that a date means acceptance of being a step father in the future or that every man wants a long term relationship.

I don't get the comments re wasting six months, why? Given the op can't long be out of a relationship as the children are young then surely the odd casual date is better anyway for the children than trying to find a replacement father figure. Given the issues in most blended families, most children would likely prefer not to have a step parent.

He's not done wrong here. He may have had second thoughts. People may have discussed the reality of dating someone with such young kids.

Things like not always being available...having an Ex ever present...and maybe he thought he could casually see you, but realised he was getting too invested and decided to end it.

I may think I can date a certain guy...but when I get into it, I realise it's more difficult than I initially thought.

Well said @Starsandmoonlight

Having dated someone with children before I wouldn't do it again - unless it was potentially years down the line and they were grown up or I had children of my own.

It's really not easy. You have to be content with coming second or third all the time - kids first (obviously, but this isn't always easy when they're not yours and things get cancelled all the time because of them), then often the ex comes second because they need to communicate and arrange their lives around each other and the kids, and then you come third. That's not always an easy position to be in.

Maybe he thought he could manage and then he met them and he realised it's not what he wanted? He hasn't done anything wrong. I'm sorry you're hurting though

He hasn’t done anything wrong. Relationships run their course for all sorts of reasons.just because you meet someone and date them for a few months doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to end that relationship ever or that doing so makes them a prick.

At least he was honest. Taking on someone else’s children isn’t for everyone. I have dc and I wouldn’t get involved with someone who had kids. But sometimes it takes time to realise that it’s not for you. At least he didn’t build a solid relationship with them or move in with them etc.