Moving on from being ghosted

[Emeraldcleo123]

Hey. I had another thread going but looking for any advice. Was in a year and a half relationship, past few months were reconciliation after a break up but seemed to be going well. He's disappeared. We had a minor disagreement over nothing, I immediately tried to change the subject. The next day I got one message and haven't heard from him now in 6 days. We were in contact every day.
Foolishly I tried to get him talking and explained myself. Didn't lose my shit and was very understanding but nothing.
He's defo completely ignoring me so I have to move on. How do I even begin? I feel heartbroken and at the same time mortified that he couldn't even say we were done!

I don't know what to say to make this immediately better for you. I have been with my DH for 14 years, married for 12 but the previous relationship dumped me by email after a very loving and what appeared to be serious relationship. He refused to meet me to say it to my face.

I honestly don't even know what to say, other than I know how it feels. Before this ex dumped me, the only other time I was dumped was when I was a teenager about 13 years earlier but he told me to my face. He (and I ) was 18 years old but told me that he had to do this to my face. I am now Facebook friends with him and have nothing but good wishes for him and his wife and his family, the one that dumped me by email, no, I will never be friends or even facebook friends with him. He is an ass.

He was the love of my life at the time, but I now know that he was a spineless coward.

I don't think I've ever felt like this. I miss him so much and he likely doesn't care about me at all!!

I'm completely embarrassed myself by messaging him way too much to try and resolve stuff till it dawned on me that I was likely never to get a response! He read all my messages but not a response once! It's pretty frustrating to both be online and he won't aknowledge me. I've been completely civil. It doesn't take 2 minutes to send a message saying just to forget it and move on!

Oof thats harsh! Ultimately time will heal. More immediately have you got a good friend you can dump on? I would try and fill up your time with other things. Get dates in the diary with friends - pubquiz, concerts, theatre whatever. Are there any interests you want to pursue? Bookclub? Choir? Gym? Im a big fan of structured activity. Eventually you will feel differently. But the lack of closure makes it hard I know.

Side note: he is a coward. You deserve better

seems extreme over a “minor disagreement”

Ok so I think you should take control of this situation and block him and delete his number, email fb etc.

I can only think he was looking for an excuse. He jumped on this disagreement immediately even though I tried to change the subject straight away and brush it off and kept going back to it the whole evening.

You deserve better than this game player! If he has the cheek to try and contact you in future than give him a taste of his own medicine

Sorry he's done this to you. To be honest, I think you must know you're better off without someone who can be this callous and cowardly. Its not like you were only together a few weeks. Its a pretty appalling way to treat you. Even if he does get in touch, its a form of abuse to do that to you.
I agree with the previous poster who says you should block him. He's not a nice person.

I know! I can't quite believe 1.5 years doesn't deserve some form of closure and I hate that word but at least I'll know!
I even messaged him and said if he was done I would accept it, not embroil him in a torturous discussion about it and disappear forever! Still nothing!

I didn't even feel like this when my husband and I split up as that was amicable if sorts!
I've never been heartbroken before and I'm miserable!! I'm like miss doom, thinking I'll never meet anyone like him again!

I read your last thread. He's a manipulative game player and you're better off without him.

The basics are simple - go no contact, cut off all connection with his social media, set aside anything that reminds you of him. Book into your diary things that you enjoy and that will give you something to look forward to - seeing friends, making contact with people you've been out of touch with for a while, do something kind for someone else, go away for a weekend, go to the cinema, do an activity you enjoy, join a new club, get your hair done, go to a new class or gym.... Whatever it is that gives you pleasure or a new challenge. You need simple pleasures to look forward to and enjoy. Make sure it also includes getting out of house, lots of fresh air, some new experiences and getting away from social media and your phone.

Stop mulling over what might have been, no if only's or could'ves or should'ves. Dont re-read his messages or texts. Stop writing posts abut him. I'm not saying that to be unkind but whilst you keep posting about him you are still mulling over the possibility that maybe he will get in touch again, maybe he will say sorry, maybe he will come back. Leave it now. Lets hope he never comes back - he's poison.

And any time you entertain the thought he might get back in touch say that to yourself. He's poison.

After a year and a half that's awful

Can you say what the disagreement was about , it must nave been pretty serious

He is doing it to be cruel. My ex used to do this and once he told me women hate silence.
The more you message the more he knows you are in turmoil.

It's a nasty thing to do to anyone but it shows you one of his character traits.
I know it's tough. I'd block him. It will hurt his ego.
Do your very best to keep busy.

Oh just saw your other thread, the big that stares oit at me is what you wrote here

Anyway after a week he would always go quiet then I would try to get him talking and the same thing kept happening. He kept saying he couldn't trust I would have a go at him and how he was willing to give me what I wanted if I had just been more patient etc.
Anyway after going back and forth including him giving me the silent treatment for 5 days then telling me he didn't want me we started talking again and have been messaging every day for 4 weeks and met up once

I bet he'll do the same again but this time just tell him to eff off ! Otherwise he'll keep doing this to you, he's not a nice person

Admittedly not the first I've had the silent treatment but not this long.

It's a game he's playing, to make you run after him, I wouldn't block him, I would wait for him to message which he inevitably will and then tell him where to go

I know I have to put this aside and never contact him again or reply if he ever sends me a response. The sane part is telling me that.
I just can't bring myself to stay busy. I'm wallowing at the minute embarrassed!!
Probably throw myself into work to keep myself busy.

He is definitely playing head games with you. You may not realise it but it will make you feel crazy.
I had 2 years of such behaviour and I was a complete physical and emotional mess.
It took me a long time to pull myself back but I did it.
I would not wish it on anyone. Please please remove this toxic arsehole from your life.

Sending you a big hug. You will get through this x

Thank you!
Yes I'm still sitting here thinking everything is my fault.

You would never in a million years think he would be like this most of the time.

That's the mask they put on.
Read up on narcisstic traits of men. You will have an eye opener and things will fall into place.

I also highly recommend a website called baggage reclaim. It really helped me.

@Emeraldcleo123 Oh my god we could be twins. My boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me by text two weeks ago and then blocked me and totally ghosted me. Please don’t think it’s you. The way he has handled this says far more about him than you! All I can say is be kind to yourself, I bought a few self help books which I’ve found have been a great distraction. I’ve never felt like more humiliated and like a total failure in those first few days of NC. Write him a letter but don’t send it, do a pros and cons list, write about what kind of man you deserve. This one is clearly not good enough for you!! Xx

Been there myself in a previous relationship. This is a pattern guys like him follow. He wants you to keep chasing him. He's not ghosting, he's sulking and attention seeking. Don't chase, don't get drawn in to his game, I suffered this treatment for 7 years, till I woke up to what was going on. It won't stop, you must be the one to stop it. Be strong

If he's got form for this, its highly likely he will be back in touch if you stop contacting him. He enjoys making you suffer and the more you contact him, the more he will enjoy it. Take away his control. Don't contact him again and I would block him if you can. He will be devastated by this when he eventually tries to contact you again.
You will eventually come to realise that you deserve way better than this manipulative and cruel man.

Thanks for the kind messages.
It is cruel. I feel mentally and physically drained. I think I've been in tears every day for a week now! He knows the silent treatment drives me barmy and yes I have done a lot of chasing.
I'm trying to stop now. I can't say anything else.
Not sure if I'll ever hear from him again or I should accept that disappearing is his way of ending this for good.

Just feel very lonely now. When he was good I was head over heels.