Moving on from being ghosted

[Emeraldcleo123]

Hey. I had another thread going but looking for any advice. Was in a year and a half relationship, past few months were reconciliation after a break up but seemed to be going well. He's disappeared. We had a minor disagreement over nothing, I immediately tried to change the subject. The next day I got one message and haven't heard from him now in 6 days. We were in contact every day.
Foolishly I tried to get him talking and explained myself. Didn't lose my shit and was very understanding but nothing.
He's defo completely ignoring me so I have to move on. How do I even begin? I feel heartbroken and at the same time mortified that he couldn't even say we were done!

It is cruel. I feel mentally and physically drained

Anyone who actually cared about you wouldn't make you feel like this. Hard as it may be OP, take back control. Block and delete. Your health will be down the toilet if you don't let go. No man is worth that. You may be addicted to the highs and lows of his on/off contact/ghosting. Only way to stop this is to go cold turkey.

I feel so so sad for you

I've been exactly where you are now

Feeling really sad about it tonight.

It's just hard to think that someone you cared about that much and now it seems like he hates me.

He doesn’t hate you. He’s just totally inconsiderate and doesn’t think your well-being or feelings matter. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t know what to do if you stopped trying to contact him. Honestly, block him in whatever way you can. I stored the number 123456 on my phone and every time I wanted to send my ex a message I sent it to this number. OP, two weeks ago I was you. I cried, I hurt, I was in anguish and I thought the pain would never go away. It does, slowly but it does. This man does not deserve you, any man that would feed you scraps of affection and then with draw like that does not respect you. My ex dumped me 3 minutes after messaging me that he loved me. This is not your fault. I would really recommend the Paul McKenna book ‘I can mend your broken heart’ it put a lot of things into perspective for me. Take care of yourself. There is someone out there waiting to meet you that will treat you with the dignity you deserve xx

I have messaged you.

I've been completely civil. It doesn't take 2 minutes to send a message saying just to forget it and move on!

This happened to me, it's horrendous.The issue here, isn't that he doesn't want to talk to you, or him not being civil, it's about manipulation. He's manipulating you and causing you unnecessary emotional distress. I know people may think I'm being dramatic but I really do think it's a form of abuse.

Please don't let your self-esteem take a hit from this shit.

He’s not sending messages to finish it because he has no intention of doing so. He’s punishing you and I suspect he will be back in touch in a week or two once you fall silent. You should block him completely if you can find the strength.

This happened time recently too.one day was a saying we are in a relationship aren't we and he missed me,then nothing for 6 months.but saw him in the street last week and he acted like nothing was wrong and asked me how I was .narcissist I think.just think of the worst you can about him.out yourself off him.don't think of anything nice about him.oh yes they are charmingly begin with.and every thinks what a lovely man .he kept telling me how nice he was and too soft he was and generous.I found out different

Sorry typing on kindle .some typos

You've hitched yourself to a right loser, haven't you?
You just can't see it at the moment.
Don't be embarrassed, you should feel lucky that you've offloaded him.
Please stop messaging him, that's what he wants.
Block this moody, narc tool bag forever and look after yourself.

I’ve been where you are and recommend a message ending things for your own peace of mind, right before blocking etc. That means you are in control and know exactly where things are at.

Something like ‘I haven’t heard from you so expect it’s over now and you’ve moved on. That’s fine. Best of luck with everything, and do not contact me again.’

Ug and your post reminded me of the trauma of being where you are. It was horrible.

Also be warned - the guy who did this to me drew me out of nc about 6 weeks later and I fell for it. It must have been about the point he realised I wasn’t going to be in touch. Don’t let that happen to you.

How long does it take to stop feeling so shit about it?

punishing you and I suspect he will be back in touch in a week or two once you fall silent.

This.

Please go NC with him, for your own peace of mind.

I think for me (and I've been there twice, with the same guy fucker) there were four stages of feeling shit.

The first stage was the super-shit anxious needy shitness phase, which was horrid because he could theoretically get in touch at any minute but wasn't. It's hard to relax, I was totally anxious, and whenever my phone pinged and it was someone else I was devastated all over again. Both times I ended this phase by sending a closing-off email.

The second phase is less shit but still felt shit because he didn't chase me. This peaked after about day three which was a low point but it still felt better than phase one because when I wasn't feeling bad I felt empowered that I was in control again and had had the last word. I felt bad, but I never doubted that I was doing the right thing.

Then the third phase starts and it's more like a normal breakup. It hurts because breakups always hurt but it didn't have the anxiety of being ghosted anymore.

Then phase four - when you know you've got this gig. This was when he reeled me back in that first time, using that 6th sense some men seem to have that sends some sort of bat signal to them as soon as you're moving on. Second time, though, I didn't let it happen.

I do hope that helps x

It's a horrible feeling. My ex did this to me after a 12 year relationship. The worst feeling was a lack.of closure. You will get through it though.

Emerald. Like others have said he's a coward and showing you what he really is. It's so hard to accept, at some point you will let go but these initial stages are so hard. It really is a case of taking an hour/day/week at a time.
When I was going through this, there was a 'no contact' thread which helped.
There is no timeline, there are ups and downs but it does level out.
Put anything of his out of sight, make some plans, however small. Try not to look on SM/WhatsApp etc. Do you have some plans for today?

He's off. Too cowardly to tell you.
I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else. It smells that way.
Sorry OP

I've sent a last message saying that I presume he is done and moved on as he has disappeared and that I'll move on now. Read the message and still no response.
I don't know why I am still half expecting a response. The good memories just keep going round and round in my head and I feel sad!! I don't know why I can't just focus on the bad stuff and start to move on. I hate this!!

For gods sake woman stop messaging him. He isn’t going to reply. Every time he reads your messages he’s smug thinking what a fucking number he’s done on you.

He isn’t the love of your life, he isn’t a wonderful amazing kind person. He’s a cunty little scum bag that gets his kicks treating you like shit over and over and having you run after him like some desperate puppy.

Please delete his number, block him, get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Get some self respect, you deserve more than this. Really. I’d rather be alone until the end of time than be shacked up with a narcissistic abusive cunt like that.

Wrote down all the bad stuff. Put copies of it every where. Remember every horrible nasty twatty thing he did.

Right, you've sent your closure message. He still hasn't replied - not even to acknowledge your message, no "ok all the best" just silence. Surely by now you've realised what a self centred twat he is? Block and delete. Have some self respect. So many have posted on this thread with their own experiences. Take courage from them.

Good for you sending the closure message. Now it’s time to move on x

I haven't blocked him yet. I've deleted all the messages and photos. Weird thing is while I was doing that he started to type a message then stopped

Oh FFS! BLOCK. Don't keep dragging this silliness on.