Update to added myself to H and OW fb chat

[MissMarpleMyArse]

Hello to everyone who remembers my posts (I added myself to their filthy fb chat, kicked him out and then found proof of a physical affair) and thank you to those who continued to support me on my last thread. I thought I would come back with an update as you were all so lovely and offered me great advice and support.
I would like to say I haven't been on here in a while as I've been on a world cruise with a gorgeous man, but sadly I just hit rock bottom. I asked to work from home which was a huge mistake as I basically became a recluse. I kept a front up when people were around but spent many days while the kids were out not moving from my bed or the sofa, I'm ashamed to say that a shower was too much effort some days.
My turning point was last week when my friend came round and asked me "what the fuck is going on with your eyebrows???" They were somewhat unruly! I have been to have them done, had my hair dyed and cut, then bought some new clothes (I've dropped from a 16 to 12 - silver lining and all that). Now I literally feel like a new woman!!
I has already pushed ahead on the divorce for unreasonable behaviour. Stbx begged, cried and pleaded for another chance. Part of me was tempted, just to get my old easy life back, but I saw sense. OW and her husband have remained together, I haven't spoken to him since the last time I told you about. It annoyed me at first but then I realised that stbx has thrown our marriage away and he doesn't even get the chance of the booby prize of being with her. I was jealous at first that her husband could find it in him to forgive when I couldn't, but then I thought more about how their marriage will probably never be the same now she has betrayed his trust. I couldn't put myself through that but if it's what he wants then I hope it works for his sake.
My daughters have a good relationship with their dad now, it has become the new normal and they are coping brilliantly. And my mum is still epic!!
Sorry that was so long! But again- a massive thank you to all that helped me. I can never say how much it means xx

How wonderful! Good friends and family can help a strong woman through anything.

I remember your original thread.

It is going to take time to process that your marriage is over. I think the first year after a split is the hardest. But very glad you’re on the up.

I must say I’ve thought about this scenario and I’d have to leave a marriage if my partner cheated too. I understand how some people decide to stay but reading the threads on here I couldn’t go thro that myself re-living the revelation that my partner cheated on me and always having that doubt at the back of my mind. And I would always wander.

I hope your life continues to get better, be kind to yourself, do not shit yourself away from the world,altho sometimes it’s the easier more tempting choice. One foot in front of the other and get the divorce hammered out whilst your ex is in the remorseful will do whatever you ask stage.

Onwards and upwards.

Shut not shit! 😱

Good for you op!!

Thanks for the update. It's lovely to read that you're on the up.

Everyone needs a friend like that OP... good for you!

Ah, I remember your thread and how amazing you were/are, and what fantastic people you have around you!

You are still allowed to mourn the loss of your marriage and grow your eyebrows for a bit. But hurray to your friend for helping you out of that phase. You’ll have a few more moments like that I guess. Let them happen and let your friends and mum support you.

Your kids are brilliant probably because of your mum.

I wouldn’t be able to forgive a cheat either. So important to find peace with that.

Go you

sorry their mum! ie you

Well done!

I lurked on your threads and wondered how you were.
It's completely understandable to react the way you have.
Keep going with you and try not to give too much headspace to OW and her DH, what's right for you is most important.
Wishing you well x

Oh OP so glad you updated. Yeah the sad 'hermit' patch you went through is normal. Good to know you're edging out of it

Good for you, OP! Been wondering how you were getting on

Thanks everyone. I found myself reading a lot on here about affairs, and how some people can forgive while others can't. I bet if there weren't kids involved then it would be a much more clear cut decision for us both. I felt guilty for a while that I had thrown him out without trying and turned the kids lives upside down. But I kept reading a recurring bit of advice - he did this not me.
I know it would have eaten me alive if he was still here so it was the right decision for me. For my family.
I'm sure I still have plenty of down days to come but I finally feel like I'm finding a way forward.

• clear cut decision for us all I meant (is women)

Wow OP, you're amazing! Warrior woman and awesome example for your kids!

I’ve been wondering about you too.
I’m so glad you are starting to see a bit of light. I was you 11 months ago and I’ve never felt so low and desperate as I did in the first few weeks but I am able to see a happy future without him now, while knowing his future will always be keeping one eye out for the next best thing.
I think you’re right in that a marriage can never be the same after an affair and I knew that’s not how I wanted my future to be either. I deserve more and you deserve more. He deserves what he gets and I’m so glad you have found your strength xx

So glad you are coming out the other side

Glad to hear from you. Sorry that you hit rock bottom but it sounds like you are on the way back up and that is what is important x

I lurked on your previous threads and have wondered about you since then. I'm sorry to hear you had a rock bottom time, but I'm glad to hear you are glimpsing the light now! I thought you sounded amazing then and I wish I could have been more like you in my own circumstances. Your daughters are lucky to have you as a role model and your STBX is a massive loser in all possible definitions of the word!

Thanks for coming back - it will help those who don't want to split out of fear for the future.

I remember you and have been thinking about you.

It is perfectly natural that you went (are still) finding things hard and that means it'll take a good while to move past this to the point it's not overwhelming how you live but all the steps to get there are part of the process and don't feel guilty about Days in bed not caring as much about appearance or personal care etc but that's temporary as long as your aware it's something you won't need to do forever because your working on a better life, then those days will naturally become less and the need for them will wane.

Don't forget no matter how hard this is it will one day be your past and once it is you won't believe you much you love what you created instead and you wouldn't switch back for a whole banks worth of money!

One step at a time Miss, one step at a time!

Glad to hear you are doing well been where you were and for a few months after i kicked his cheating arse out i felt so bad , couldnt eat ,sleep couldnt stop crying but we women are resilient and slowly picked myself up put myself back together and now six years later am with a man who i love to bits and my lifestyle is a hell of a lot better than when i was with ex, one day at a time girl and each day will get better than yesterday all the best to you

What a great update! I remember your OP and was amazed at your strength! Although I'm sad that the OW's husband decided to forgive her, I am SO happy your STBXH has had his just desserts. What a waste, but for you, what an opportunity to find true happiness!

Onwards and upwards - good luck for the future!!

So good to hear from you, I remember your original threads. You sound like you're doing amazingly. You shouldn't be ashamed of how you dealt with things, fair play to take some time to grieve and not look after yourself. Good shout on buying new clothes, I hope they were paid for from the joint account!

Your girls sound wonderfully resilient, I wonder where they learnt that from...

Well done you!