Mil has had heart attack. Dh doesn't know I know

[Jumpsuit566]

Am I wrong for thinking this is beyond fucked up?

Been married 20years. We don't do anything together because dh has largely ignored me for the last 15 years. Haven't done anything like go out together or had a holiday for well over 5 years.

I get on with MIL. He gets on with his mum ok so no excuse there.

Sil rang me and told me yesterday. He doesn't know I know and hasn't mentioned it.

Just go.

You don't have a relationship with your husband. He's making it very clear to you - you're not someone he chooses to speak with about the important things in his life.

Act accordingly.

If MIL is having a STENT today then TBH I'd hold off visiting until tomorrow. The last thing I'd want after coming out of anaesthesia would be a bunch of people bringing their horrible relationship onto the ward.

I would also check with SIL (presuming she's with MIL) whether it would be appropriate to bring DS. Again I'm speaking for me personally but I wouldn't want the company of a teenager after a major op.

Obviously you know her so if she's the kind of person who would like to see you and DS today, just the two of you go. Fuck your H, he should not be getting into a pissing match over such a serious matter. Save that shit for "who forgot to put the bin out".

I think he'd be quite angry if I went without him.
Why do you give a shit?
He didn't even TELL you fgs!

Stop acting co-dependent and just go see her - then get started on your divorce.
This is a waste of your life!

He sounds horrible! I don't understand why you're putting up with his shit.

If MIL is having a STENT today then TBH I'd hold off visiting until tomorrow. The last thing I'd want after coming out of anaesthesia

Stenting is normally done under local anaesthetic, so no problem there.

To be honest, if she isn't having stenting until a day or two after her heart attack then it's unlikely to be a major heart attack. I'm not saying don't go, but I don't think it's terrible to not do a 4 hour round trip if you can keep in touch in other ways. We had a similar situation with FIL last year and we kept in touch by phone but didn't visit until after he had left hospital.

Driving over now. All of us.

Hope you’re ok Jump.x

You don't want any advice, do you op ?

Well I think I took the advice onboard this morning about going home and telling dh I knew and I appreciate that advice.

I know what I need to do about my marriage but I can't jeopardise ds exam results when I can just sit it out for six months. Not great but I think better than the alternative of home been a war zone while we both live here waiting for the house to sell and ds is trying to revise.

I am appalled and gobsmacked that you have raised a child in that environment. This is absolutely unbelievable. The level of passive-aggressive fuckery is shocking. Get out.

You sound dulled to it all, OP.

Fair enough. Use the time to get your ducks in a row and support your MIL if you get along. Has your DH told you why he didn't tell you? Or are you past hearing his excuses?

WTF? I mean seriously.

The thing is, OP, your DH is probably doing what you've suggested you're going to do: sitting in the house for another 6 months, waiting for your child's exams to be finished, so he can leave. Or try to force you to go.

Make sure you have EVERYTHING in order well in advance of exams being finished so you're ready for whatever he throws at you. And make sure you have access to funds in your own name so you can pay bills for months if you think he might behave badly...