Ashamed of myself

[Hopeful2102]

I’m ashamed that I’m seeing my abusive narcissistic ex again. I’ve become sucked right back in and I’m embarassed.

We've all been there.
Don't be embarrassed.
Just dig deep and find the strength to finally end it.
One text - then block, ignore, delete.
It's hard - very hard, but you can do this.
I took mine back way too many times!
But I've been free for nearly 2 years now.
Loving life!
You got this.

Dont go back to ‘what you know’ when its not good for you. You have broken away once so keep going there’s a whole world out there full of kind loving people without narcissist qualities. Good luck

Don't be ashamed as that will make you feel alone and less strong. You can give him up when you feel strong enough to. Sometimes it takes a few attempts. Like smoking. These people are fucking good at sucking us in but they don't necessarily manage it forever.

I got him back yesterday, it felt good. Since we’ve been back together I’ve been telling myself that we’re just friends. All whilst trying to maintain to him I’m seriously trying to be with him. Sometimes I do get sucked in as you can see from this post but last night was funny. We went for food, buffet type deal and we were both stuffed. I played on his insecurities a little watched him squirm, then we went to the cinemas to watch a film he really wanted to watch. I ordered ice cream out of pure gluttony than anything, he’s paying so idc. I went to the toilet knowing he was going to eat some. Funny thing is he doesn’t like sweet food, let alone the fact that it had hot sauce on the top. When I came out two chunks of the ice cream were gone. I made the biggest scene and walked off from him which he hates. It was lovely to embarass him in public. We argued and everything he tried to say I switched it back on him. I loved every second, knowing he stuffed that ice cream and it couldn’t have been easy! Knowing we got so close to watching a film he’s been talking about for weeks, seeing how pissed off he was. I could see he was excited to watch it and I could see the joy eating the ice cream gave him so I had to chop him right back down.

There's no point in this
Stay away from him rather than playing stupid games

That whole cinema thing sounds bonkers. You've lowered yourself to his standards. Grab on to your dignity and walk away.

Ok so you messed with him for a little revenge? Now is the perfect time to drop him for good.

Blimey, are you sure he's the narc in this scenario?

That is seriously messed up. Quite apart from the 'narcissistic abusive' bit, why would you want to be with someone you enjoy embarrassing in public and 'chopping back down'? Frankly, however bad he is, you make yourself sound pretty awful too.

Very odd behaviour. From you.

Your behaviour in the cinema is weird, why don't you both just separate, not good for either of you

Ok.

Well this is embarrassing, I usually come on to advise women to steer clear of narcissistic abusive men, but on this occasion...it looks like you are both as bad as each other.

Am I the only one who felt a bit sick on reading Hopeful's post?

I've been separated and divorced from my narc ex for three years now and all I recall is that to survive the onslaught of manipulative, at times sadistic, behaviour on his part once he'd left I had to cower and give an impression of 'water off a duck's back' calm. Never would I have entertained the thought of the kind of the revenge the OP has given a blow by blow description of. Never.

That was chilling to read. I'm also out of an abusive relationship and what you've written is very wrong. My only goal is to live a peaceful and happy life away from him and to try and coparent as best as I can.

I think you are at least 50% of the problem in this relationship, OP. Grow up and move on, or at least stop wasting other people's time.

You sound like you love the drama

Good luck

I'm not sure your ex is the only narcissistic one here.

I’m hoping this has well and truly helped you to see that no good can come from being in contact with him and this has given you closure so you can successfully be no contact for ever.

If it has, it was worth it and I’m pleased for you

This is one of the saddest posts I've read on here. You really need to get out of this toxic situation (I won't use the word relationship) and work on yourself.

I think you embarrassed yourself in public actually OP, never mind him. This is no way to live your life frankly; the relationship is clearly toxic, whether you feel he is the cause, your own behaviour sounds like it's become toxic also. You can do better for yourself than dedicating your time to getting back at him in these odd ways. There's literally nothing good that could come of it.
In what ways is he abusive?
Look into codependency, if you hate him but feel obligated to engage with him this could be your issue.

Jesus OP. Gonna echo PPs. Sounds like your the narc in this situation.

What a shitty thing to do. Why would you not just walk away?!

This is bizarre. He may be what you describe him as, but you sound ridiculous and immature yourself. Get a grip and grow up.

You sound as bad as him. There are no examples or instances if his bad behaviour here, only yours. Is this s one kind of weird reverse? Were YOU the controlling/narc one in the relationship? Sorry to be so blunt but that's the way it reads....

Mmmmkay.....

Well this has got all shades of wrong about it.

Don't know enough about the man in this situation but that was a highly manipulative set of actions you just deployed. Highly.

But you aren't aware are you OP?