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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ashamed of myself

64 replies

Hopeful2102 · 23/11/2018 08:42

I’m ashamed that I’m seeing my abusive narcissistic ex again. I’ve become sucked right back in and I’m embarassed.

OP posts:

AgentJohnson · 27/11/2018 04:58

Drama llama. Your behaviour and this thread is all about seeking attention. You missed the drama and went back for a fix not understanding that whatever you’re playing at is not progress, same funfair, different ride.

You still care waaaay too much, that’s why your pointlessly performance seems like the big victory. The lies you tell yourself only serve to fool yourself.

PouchofDouglas · 27/11/2018 05:01

Op.
You need to have a word with yourself

Monty27 · 27/11/2018 05:55

What film did you miss OP? yawn

CarolDanvers · 27/11/2018 06:15

So basically he ate some ice cream and probs went to see the movie after you flounced off anyway?

Yeah that’s some razor sharp revenge right there alright

Trevorwhatever · 27/11/2018 07:35

He/she who cares least has the most power. You clearly care a great deal about how this man sees your actions.

You’re still in the thick of it and are not detached at all.

Being strong is to walk away and block.

You will look back on this in 15 years time and just cringe and wish you’d walked away.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 27/11/2018 10:14

Enjoy your toxic narc relationship.

OverTheHedgeSammy · 27/11/2018 12:59

Are you trying for some sort of healing and closure? I can see why you want to mess with him a bit, show him that he can't push you around. But the vulnerabilities that kept you with him for so long, through all the abusive behaviour, are still there. You know what buttons to push, but so does he with you.

Just remove yourself from him. Just tell him you're way better off without him. He will hate that and it will eat at him. Walk away, and be happy.

Calzone · 27/11/2018 13:03

Blimey OP......you need some help.....

WellThisIsShit · 27/11/2018 13:35

You are so enmeshed still, caring about bites of ice cream and hot sauce etc. Just thinking in this level of detail and reacting to him in this level shows how much power he has over you still.

I’m glad you enjoyed that flash of pleasure this time, but you won’t get more this way.

Get your head away from his. Then real pleasure can start again for you. Pleasure that doesn’t involve trying to grab the end of the whip to whip him back... no joy comes from that, and you can get into all sorts of deeper screwed up problems from it.

thinkIwillexplode · 27/11/2018 14:32

Yeah I agree with your title. That is shameful.

And just absolutely bonkers

I have an abusive ex. Never wanted to execute revenge, just to be free...

TooOldForThis67 · 27/11/2018 14:41

If it worked for you, great, but the comments you are getting on here is because no one else in a narc relationship reacts that way. Please don't turn into a narc yourself.
Hopefully, you can move on without him.

tinselfest · 27/11/2018 14:54

Draw a line under this excuse for a relationship and move on.

pusspuss9 · 27/11/2018 17:18

Once you start on a journey of revenge, you dig two graves - Confucius

Angelf1sh · 27/11/2018 21:39

I don’t know why you’d think that him driving away from the cinema and leaving you (ostensibly) without a ride home was an example of him being an abuser. Given the circumstances you described, I think anyone with any self-respect would have done the same thing.

You have problems, you should sort those out.

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