Ashamed of myself

[Hopeful2102]

I’m ashamed that I’m seeing my abusive narcissistic ex again. I’ve become sucked right back in and I’m embarassed.

I was ready for the judgement that was going to come from the second post because as a lot of you have said no I haven’t described his behaviour and a lot of you do not know the back story. Mainly to @Renarde1975 because you have commented on my post before although you don’t remember, I’m aware. I’m not sorry. They say people only understand from their level of perception, so if it makes you guys feel any better the narc got in his car after what he thought was a really heartbreaking argument, left me in the cold and went home thinking I had no way of getting home. This has happened many times before, once in snow. Claps for the narc.

More fool you for knowing exactly what he's like and continue to be with him. What do you want a medal?

It’s pure and simple game playing at the moment. I have no idea how he treated you truly before and you wouldn’t ever be able to explain in a way so I can feel it like you because it’s your experience.

Fantasising about revenge when hurt is really common but actually doing it deliberately shows you have a very messed up mind.

Walking away from people that are bad for us is the measure response.

No, I already patted myself on the back lastnight. I’m free to express myself here like anybody else thank you Space Fighter. If this is what I need to do to let go so be it, as I’ve said you don’t know the back story so I really do understand why you don’t get it.

So once again with no backstory you wouldn’t understand, messed up mind yes maybe a little. I’ve been through a lot in my little quarter century of life.

What a gigantic waste of time. Yours and his! Why would you carry on like this? Its not healthy, and makes you sound like a dreadful person.

Its a dangerous game. If you've been under his dominion for long and suffered much probably one you've often wanted to play.

If you're an abused woman there are many ways that have been tried to regain some self-respect and post back over the continual dominion and slavery. Feeding him dog food, pissing in his beer, won't go further, but you've done the equivalent with your trip out.

So, it wasn't clear in your op that this is why you wanted to get back with him, for revenge.

The trouble is, you are doing what you despised him for, and its safer for you to get to someone else who can work through all the crap with you in a safe way, so you no longer feel like this.

*power (post back!?)

Abused women have murdered men as a result of the mental torture and devastation it causes. You need to stay away from him a d direct your energies to getting your life back.

You have your whole life ahead of you now, and make it different.

So you think you are taking back the power from the narc? WRong. Epic fucking fail.

He will twist this into a win for him, because thats what he does isnt it? And then you will fight back at that, and so on and so on.

Stay with him if you want to, but dont fool yourself that you will ever win a battle, never mind the war. I am sorry that you have chosen to sacrifice yourself on the altar of this man.

I know exactly what it makes me sound like but I know who I am which is why as I said I’m not sorry. I’ve done nothing but be good to this man up until this point, giving him back his ice cream and walking out the door is oh so terrible. Miss me with that. This is what I mean by Level of perception, a big scene in public to you guys may mean screaming and shouting so excuse me if I roll my eyes because that didn’t happen however I know in his mind it was major.

PyongyangKipperbang - I haven’t failed, he can’t twist anything. He’s been trying and yet again failing.

Are you planning on continuing to see him OP?

Your OP says you are ashamed that you've been sucked right back in again.

Can you explain how you got from that to your second post, the bit in between that might make some sense of what you're posting and what you want from it in terms of reaction?

I'm not really sure what you want from this post OP.

Do you want people to agree you've been strong and shown him what's what finally?

I think most people see this as a car crash in slo-mo.

And what's all this bollocks with us not knowing the backstory? Of course we don't, you haven't told us, for christ's sake!

People will comment on the info you've given.

Asking all the difficult questions tonight you are Shriek.
I’ve detached myself as much as I can from the past year and a half, this what I’m doing now is gearing up to full detachment. A purge if that’s what you want to call it... that is what we should call it. I’m purging.

Well you seem stable. 🙄

@Loudjazzhands you don’t have to be sure what I want from the post. I don’t need anyone to agree, if I was looking for praise don’t you think I would have stopped commenting from this afternoon after seeing everyone say you are so horrible? No car crash in slow mo, you’re missing that the car crashed a long time ago. I’ve acknowledged many times that people don’t know the backstory, yes I know people can only go off what I give them which is why I said I understand the comments coming my way.

@penisbeakers you missed my admission of a messed up mind didn’t you?

Just not sure what you're after Hopeful

I don't want seem to trivialise your dilemma but listen to Carly Simon's song, Jesse. It once acted as something of a wakeup call for me.

Sorry, I take that back.I should have read the whole thread before posting.

You do seem desperately obsessed with him. Are you trying to get the cheap, but pointless, revenge that is so beloved of second rate chick-it?

Or at least chick-lit.

Why bother with all the drama - just walk away