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Original poster

I blocked him... and now I reget it. Help!

64 replies

nonway999 · 23/11/2018 08:31

Hi all

Met a lovely guy on online dating. Both in early-mid 30's. We were dating for around four months. Everything was going well, so I thought. Regular dates, regular contact, met some of each others friends, I very briefly met his mum, etc.

We were due to see each other this weekend and I was going to bring up the "where are we going" conversation as it was all very undefined and it was driving me a bit mental.

On Wednesday, we were messaging and he himself was talking about online dating apps and I couldn't resist and initiated the conversation myself. His response really shocked me. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship (he told me on date one that's what he was looking for, so this was never a doubt in my mind?) as he is too busy at work/works too long hours. He said he knew I was wanting to move towards a relationship, so I thought it was unfair that I had had to bring up the conversation when he said he knew it wasn't feeling it a "While ago".

I feel like I've been strung along for the majority of the time. I really liked him. To make things harder, he said he is still "interested" and asked me to consider a more casual arrangement for now. When I said I would have to think about whether that's best for me or not (Stupid), he said that's fine, and for me to take my time, but then dropped in that he was going to be out of town for a large portion of December on a trip so he wouldn't be able to see me until the New Year?!

I just felt so hurt by how he was treating me that I did not reply, removed and blocked him on every platform; whatsapp, Facebook, Insta, etc.

I did this based on previous experience of the torture of waiting around for someone to make contact, and I knew the temptation to accept his arrangement and remain in contact would be too much for me.

BUT, not that I should care what he thinks, I'm now worried that blocking him was too dramatic and that he thinks I am crazy. I also left a lot unsaid (on purpose, as I felt he wouldn't really care anyway) that I am itching to say. I thought that blocking him would be a cleaner break and make things easier, but rather than sitting around thinking "will he contact me" had I not blocked him, as we only live down the road from each other (literally 2 min walk) I'm now just thinking "will he come round" instead. In some ways he was nice in his last messages, saying how much he thought of me and how he was devastated to not "feel ready" and now I'm doubting myself and wondering if blocking without replying was too harsh? Do I unblock and apologise for doing so and wish him the best like a 'good sport'? Can someone help a girl out here?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 23/11/2018 08:32

Do I unblock and apologise for doing so and wish him the best like a 'good sport?'

No.

Thankyounext · 23/11/2018 08:33

I think you have done the right thing.

mummmy2017 · 23/11/2018 08:34

Your being treated as a friend with benefits...
You deserve better.

MollysGirl · 23/11/2018 08:36

Nope
You did right. Similar happened to me recently

Trills · 23/11/2018 08:36

Does it matter if he thinks you're crazy?

You're not going to see him again.

Original poster
nonway999 · 23/11/2018 08:39

Wow, so many messages so quickly and all making me feel better. Thank you.

Trills - does it matter if he thinks I'm crazy? No, it shouldn't. But for me, for some reason, I still seem to care what he thinks.

OP posts:
dancingqueen345 · 23/11/2018 08:40

Don't unblock, don't want to sound mean but he might not have actually tried and that'll make you feel even worse. He knows where you live and it's not far so if he really wanted to talk he could call round or push a note through.

DontCallMeDaisy · 23/11/2018 08:41

No no no no!
I think you did the right thing too. If you unblock him and apologise then you WILL look like you acted melodramatically. And you'll also look desperate and he will have you write where he wants you.

For now you look like someone who refused to take his really bad treatment of you. It's hard to do what you've done but you really have done the best thing you can. You'll start to feel better really quickly

DontCallMeDaisy · 23/11/2018 08:44

*right

ConkerGame · 23/11/2018 08:45

You definitely did the right thing.

It’s so hard to see clearly when you’re in the thick of it and your emotions are all over the place but from an outsider’s perspective it’s clear that no good can come of unblocking, apologising or explaining.

You deserve better, it’s as simple as that. No explanation or anything else you give him will change who he is or where he’s at with this so please save your time and energy for yourself and for someone who’s right for you.

Trills · 23/11/2018 08:47

Blocking him is probably the best thing you can have done.

Not because his behaviour is SO bad, but because you need to stop yourself from seeing him.

You don't want a casual relationship, but it sounds as if you might accept one in order to keep seeing him. You'd get more and more unhappy, and feel that you'd wasted more and more time, and yet find it harder and harder to call and end to it.

Future You will be glad you made a full stop.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/11/2018 08:47

and asked me to consider a more casual arrangement for now
Yeuk! So he reeled you in with the relationship thing and then when you want more he says he wants to be fuck buddies and you were considering it!!????
Well done on blocking him.
It would have seriously messed with your head and you know it.
Keep him blocked. He's an asshole!

Linziepie · 23/11/2018 08:48

No don't unblock you have done the right thing. He won't think you are crazy, he will think that you have self respect.

ahYerWill · 23/11/2018 08:49

Better to have blocked and walked away without a backwards glance, than made a big scene or let him continue jerking you about until he meets someone he actually wants a relationship with. Unblocking and apologising WILL make you look crazy, so no, don't do that.

If you do meet him at some point in future, just play it cool and point out that he made it perfectly clear he wasn't into you, so it was best if you both moved on with a clean break. Don't apologise or feel you did anything wrong. He was more than happy to lead you on and mess you about, so he lost all right to your consideration for his feelings.

Eatmycheese · 23/11/2018 08:50

I’d block away

something2say · 23/11/2018 08:50

My view on whether blocking him will make you look crazy.

No.

It simply says, I liked you and you have hurt me and now I have gone.

It reads to me that he wanted a relationship, met you, began one, felt it wasn't what he wanted but didn't stop it, then you asked outright and he said no, but can I keep you around casually while I try to meet someone else.

No and block is absolutely right in this regard.

Now to deal with your shock. That's what it will be at this point, shock. You thought it would go one way, it has gone the other xxx

ToEarlyForDecorations · 23/11/2018 08:51

Erm, it's hard to know what to say. I could well imagine me doing that if I was in a similar situation.

However, what he was really suggesting was a friends with benefits relationship until he dumps you / ghosts you. It would be at that point he would tell you, baldly, that he did tell you and you knew the, 'score.'

Unblock him (sorry but that sounds like troublesome plumbing) and say what you want to say. However, he may well be indignant about you blocking him and would then have the high ground and ignore you.

This is old advice and maybe not what you want to hear but write down all that you would have said then not send it. Or burn it/shred it. Or throw it away. Or even keep it and you might smile if you ever come across it again in the future.

It feels raw just now but you will one day (probably shortly) find someone that eclipses him and you will laugh at yourself for how you felt back then.

Singlenotsingle · 23/11/2018 08:52

"I don't love you and I don't want you to be in a serious relationship, but can I just use you as a fwb until something better comes along"? No, no, no. You blocked him and showed that you've got some self respect. Well done!

Normandy144 · 23/11/2018 08:56

Have some self respect. It boils down very simply to the fact that you don't like what he's selling. Move on and don't try to modify it. He doesn't deserve an explanation as he pretty much already knows he was being cheeky asking.

Original poster
nonway999 · 23/11/2018 08:57

Thanks so much everyone, like you said conkergame, sometimes you need somebody neutral to give you a real perspective on it all.

I 100% know that if I had agreed, I would have gotten so much more hurt down the line - I've been there before. I had to cut him so that I couldn't even make it an option anymore.

Daisy that's so true, I will look crazy if I unblock him now! And Linzie that's a good point, I genuinely think he will think I have so much more respect now that I've walked away.

Whenever I get treated badly, I go through this loopy phase afterwards where I try and rationalise the other person's behaviour, maybe that's because it's less painful to do than accept you've been treated like cr*p.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 23/11/2018 08:58

You did the right thing in blocking him.

Mid 30s.... it would be wasting your time with him.... especially if you want children.

Luxembourgmama · 23/11/2018 09:00

No you did the right thing. Very mature not to tell him everything you feel. You're right he doesn't care. You deserve better.

Katgurl · 23/11/2018 09:03

No you absolutely did the right thing.

crochetmonkey74 · 23/11/2018 09:07

you're imagining him as something he is not, he has told you clearly how he feels and what he wants- I think you have done the right thing- you deserve to be treated well

Rudgie47 · 23/11/2018 09:13

Basically he just wanted you as a FWB all this not feeling ready was just a load of bullshit.
Don't be bothered what he thinks about you at all, its not even worth thinking about.
Seriously don't bother with him again, hes told you whats he wants, its not what you want end of story.
I honestly think men who just want sex should say from the start or pay for it because its unfair to be stringing women along.