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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you were at the Wycombe Swan tonight

103 replies

Scallywaggle · 22/11/2018 22:40

Please leave him. Find a safehouse. Please Tonight. Now.

Go where you’re safe.

Please can some regular MNers post links to help that can be provided?

OP posts:
flumpybear · 27/11/2018 04:49

Yes report to the police with dear numbers it may be the best thing anyone could ever do for her safety

PouchofDouglas · 27/11/2018 05:01

Sadly the elks. Probably won’t leave him anyway.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/11/2018 05:23

Poor woman. Yes, I would try to follow this up. Absolutely. It sounds as if she is in real danger.

Rememory · 27/11/2018 14:01

Bump

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:11

I keep trying to speak to someone at the domestic violence line but repeatedly get told they’re too busy to take my call.

I have contacted the Manager at the theatre.

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 27/11/2018 15:24

Bump

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:36

The police have told me they won’t intervene unless she calls them.

The theatre staff have said they won’t intervene unless the police get involved.

Still trying the DV line.

OP posts:
Ozziewozzie · 27/11/2018 15:41

Tickets would have been paid for by card. Card registered to an address. I’d get the police involved. If something else happened, you wouldn’t forgive yourself. The police may already be aware of domestic violence at that address.

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:42

Sorry to the earlier PP’s, MickHucknell I think it was, I interpreted your post incorrectly in thinking you were a troll.

Apologies x

OP posts:
Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:44

I have tried getting the police involved.

This is really getting to me now and I KNOW this isn’t about me.

You can pay by cash in the foyer too, not that that’s a reason for not pursuing this, I am trying.

OP posts:
VisitorsEntrance · 27/11/2018 15:44

The police have told me they won’t intervene unless she calls them.

How utterly ridiculous.
Do they not realise that women in this situation often cannot access a phone or sometimes need someone else to intervene and tell them something is wrong as they have spent years being gaslighted.

PetiteMamaNoel · 27/11/2018 15:54

The police are overstretched, I can't imagine (unfortuantely) that they would prioritise this.

Maybe you should take a step back. You're becoming overinvested.

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:56

They wanted my details so I could possibly be a witness in the future. Whatever happened to prevention being better than cure? Am trying not to get emotional.

Am still trying DV line. I don’t want to leave a message, I really need to speak to someone.

OP posts:
PetiteMamaNoel · 27/11/2018 15:58

I only say that because it seems like it's taking a bit of a toll on your emotional health.

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 15:59

Noel - I survived it. Been there, STILL have a broken bone from 25 years ago.

He got jailed for 6 years for threatening to kill me.

I am overinvested for a reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 16:01

X-post Smile

I understand why yoy say that x

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/11/2018 16:09

Years ago when I was with exh someone cane up to me in a cafe and asked me if I needed help. I think it was the cafe at jennyclif but I can't be sure. Exh was horrified. You were right I did. I left him and I'm fine now..

Keep going op x

ADastardlyThing · 27/11/2018 16:12

I know you mean well op, but it's making me feel a bit uncomfortable now.

I've been there, if someone had done this, gone to this extent to track me down, I'd have paid the price.

Original poster
Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 16:23

I know, I keep swinging between the ‘I have done all I can do without jeopardising her’ to ‘One last try with the DV line’.

As per my opening post, I just really wanted her to pick up on this thread and see that support and help is out there for her.

OP posts:
BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 27/11/2018 16:36

Hello again Scally. I would leave a message now on the police DV line, simply leaving your name and number, and asking that a specialist DV officer rings you back. They will be out on jobs, at court, on shifts and so on. Leaving that very brief message is the best way to reach them I'm afraid. The only other thing I'd suggest is ringing Women's Aid to talk it through, not least because it must have churned up a lot for you. They might know her too, and pass it on to a local worker or refuge. Thank you for caring so much about another woman, and take good care of yourself. Flowers

interrogate2018 · 27/11/2018 17:56

This is one time that journalists advertising a thread on here would be beneficial!

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 27/11/2018 18:08

Absolutely not, unfortunately, although I can see why it would seem so on the face of it. That sort of publicity could increase the risk to her if he spots it, let alone breach her privacy and bring her unwanted gossip and attention.

notsodimwit · 27/11/2018 18:20

Following this thread and so worried about this lady xx hope she gets the help she deserves x

ADastardlyThing · 27/11/2018 18:36

Interrogate, it really, really wouldn't.

Thesuzle · 27/11/2018 18:40

Bump from me too