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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you were at the Wycombe Swan tonight

103 replies

Scallywaggle · 22/11/2018 22:40

Please leave him. Find a safehouse. Please Tonight. Now.

Go where you’re safe.

Please can some regular MNers post links to help that can be provided?

OP posts:
Shriek · 23/11/2018 12:35

You can report the incident, and I would. There are now witnesses to his behaviour, and when she does reach out for help this will be there and she will be protected without question, but the police getting involved could put her life at risk

Shriek · 23/11/2018 12:37

I didn't under the pp other than its someone also from the area and thought she was at the same show as you, psychic sallie

Lozzerbmc · 23/11/2018 15:41

Just bumping

ZestyMaximus · 23/11/2018 17:03

Just bumping

Ravenclawclassof84 · 23/11/2018 18:03

i think the Wycombe Swan is a theater @Ravenclawclassof84**
😳 Oops. If there is any way to use the info available it would be great if she could somehow be helped, or if she knows help is available and people care.

MissMarplesBloomers · 23/11/2018 18:14

Can you pop into the theatre & ask to see the manager? Explain what you saw & that you are going to report it to the police & that if they call could they assist in identifying the poor lady? Make it clear you are not asking them for details, they don't need to break data protections by telling you but just to make them aware. You never know there may have been others doing the same. Then ring the police & ask to speak to the Domestic Violence unit. Again they won't be able to discuss the case but the family maybe known to them & your info might help. Good luck x

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 24/11/2018 00:34

Bump

ILoveTreesInAutumn · 24/11/2018 00:56

I wouldn’t do anything now, you risk making it worse for her, possibly very dangerous for her.

Why did SO many people NOT do anything at the time? You on your own I understand, but as a group of more than 10? He could hardly have ‘hurt’ everyone at once.

Hopefully we can keep this active in case she sees it tomorrow...you never know.

The other thing I’d do is ring the theatre and see if they have it on CCTV and ask them to keep it for the police. You never know, she might report him.

Lozzerbmc · 24/11/2018 13:43

Bump

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 24/11/2018 15:21

Bump

Bloodylegoeverywhere · 24/11/2018 20:05

Bump

LondonLassInTheCountry · 24/11/2018 22:46

Bumping

AdoraBell · 24/11/2018 23:12

Another bump

Beelzebop · 24/11/2018 23:35
Flowers
SunflowerJo08 · 24/11/2018 23:36

Go to the theatre and report what happened. I'd also visit the local police station and report it to the Domestic Violence unit. Set up an anon FB and put it on the crimewatch pages for that area - anything to try and get the message out.

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 25/11/2018 02:41

Bump

Issy777 · 25/11/2018 08:17

@Scallywaggle

What exactly happened? Can you explain and give more detail please?
Thanks

Scallywaggle · 25/11/2018 09:16

They were in the audience sitting in their seats before the show started, one lady had to go past them to get to her seat & he refused to move to allow her to access it and said, “If you touch her I’ll hurt you”. Unprovoked.

They accessed their seats by going round the long way.

From then on he was booing and heckling looking for attention in the wrong way, commenting on every single sentence said throughout the show, slagging of people in the audience, being unnecessarily horrible. At one point he told his ‘girlfriend’ it was her fault he was there and she was the reason for his behaviour, it was how he said it, very aggressively.

A few members of the audience asked him to be quiet, they were quiet themselves and had just had enough.

He stormed off during the show shouting and hollering abuse in front of everyone repeating that it was the girlfriends fault, going on about how it was her fault he now had to wait in the cold on his own.

When everyone was in the foyer afterwards, he was waiting and was on a mission to intimidate the group that initially asked him to be quiet. It kicked off from there.

I am/was unable to help as I have limited mobility (hidden) and if I fall or trip, my spine will break instantly. I literally live on a knifes edge with every step my legs take.

Thankyou for all of the advice about how to try to help, I will look into it this evening.

OP posts:
Scallywaggle · 25/11/2018 09:17

Once he had left the performance and she was sitting on her own, the group in front turned to her and asked if she is/was safe, if he had hurt her or likely to hurt her, she just cried & hid her face.

OP posts:
Issy777 · 26/11/2018 20:20

@Scallywaggle

Any news

Bluemascara4 · 26/11/2018 21:11

Bumping . I hope she's ok x

Cherrygirl3 · 26/11/2018 21:23

Bumping. Poor, poor girl. Sad

Scallywaggle · 27/11/2018 02:17

Shit.

Have just realised she didn’t have a phone, or at least appeared not to have one. I didn’t see her look at one at all. Even when she was on her own.

OP posts:
BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 27/11/2018 03:04

It is obviously still playing on your mind, Scallywaggle - understandably.

It is difficult to give full advice without knowing more.

I would speak to the theatre manager directly and in confidence about what you saw and heard. Something might be on CCTV, staff might have seen something or other patrons might have complained. Tickets might be traceable if bought with a card. However it would only be the police who could request direct access to all this information.

I would also ring the local police domestic abuse unit and talk it through with a specialist officer there. The couple might be known, it could help with evidence or intelligence-gathering, and the police might decide to follow this up with the theatre. A specialist DA officer should also know to proceed with caution.

I would not put it on Facebook or Crimewatch pages however, because as others have said you really don't want to increase any risk to her.

I wouldn't leave it any longer if you intend to act further on your concerns.

moredoll · 27/11/2018 03:47

Report it to the police, and ask to speak to the Domestic Violence unit. They'll surely be able to trace her her if you give them the seat numbers.
He may well be known to them.