Bf doesn't really want baby?

[JLS080498]

My boyfriend and I are very much in love. He has a stable career and job. He's never really seen himself as someone who would have a baby young, he always said that he wanted to start a family at 30.we are almost 21 and 22(him being 22) and he knows I've wanted a baby for a while now, so he's agreed that in the new year we can start trying. But I think he's only doing it because he knows it's what I want, and it's not what he really wants. Whenever I mention anything about a baby his whole vibe changes, I just don't want to have one with him if he doesn't really want one. I need some advice. I have depression and he thinks it'll help me stay on track, so I think he's just doing it to help me, which is lovely of him, but I don't want it like that. I want him to really want it, and for him to be excited about it. He said he'll never be excited about it, he said it'll just always be anxiety and stress. Help?!

I don’t think you’re reading any more op but I thought I would say, why not wait one year, so your best to sort your depression (eg exercise/counseling/take up a hobby). Save up some money (ideally buy a house but not sure what’s realistic). Then start trying. It’s silly to tell you to wait 20 years when you’re broody now but honestly you will be better off if you set yourself up better to have a baby. They are super exhausting and expensive. Plus you say you have no family nearby which makes things much harder. So you will defo need the money to buy some support eg babysitting/nursery etc. best of all by then your dp may be ready. I would personally consider getting married as well, it helps a lot imo.

And GET MARRIED first! For your own protection!

shopenhauer makes good suggestions, op. I'm sorry if we have offended you but from reading the posts it doesn't seem that was intended.

Wait a while before having a baby. Depression often escalates after a pregnancy and if you don't have much support around you, it could be difficult. However you've done very well, having a nice home, etc, and working towards qualifications whilst being still so young.

Thing is, wanting a baby is one thing but we cannot just have something as big and important as that merely because we want it. There have to be good preparations, plus your partner is very young too and you feel he doesn't really want a child yet. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Wait a few years, no forever but time is on your side.

AND look after yourself.

I wish you would listen OP.

Absolutely everyone is telling you the same thing but you don't want to listen to it because it's not what you want to hear.

Everyone thinks they know what having a baby is like until they have one.

A baby is one of the biggest sources of stress a couple can have. Your life will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same, going to the toilet, travelling, having sex or hearing someone sneeze.

Your relationship is very young and both of you of an age where you are still likely to change. Give it some time. Enjoy what you have. Work on your depression and bring a baby into a happy home when the time is right, not as a fix.

I'm sort of on the other foot!! I wasted 15 years with my STBXH wanted a baby, didn't want a baby. I have fertility issues wouldn't go and do a sperm sample in order for me to progress further in my testing. My chances of ever becoming a Mum have probably dwindled now. Yes you are only 21 and yes you might have a other 20 years on you to have a baby but through my own experiences don't wait too long and find out it's too late!! Holidays and stuff don't stop just because you have kids!!

To be honest my partner didn't really want a baby, but was happy either way. I said I wanted one, he agreed, so we had a little baby girl a year and a half ago. He's a great dad (putting her to bed now).
Just because someone doesn't feel super maternal/paternal doesn't mean she/he won't be a great parent.

At 21 with limited earning power and a medical condition life would be very tough if you were single much less with a child. The chances of the relationship lasting are very slim.

He's clearly not ready and having a child to please someone else is never ever a good idea.

I married my husband at 19 , had a baby at 20 and a second at 25. I got my degree and a professional career, we have both always worked.

Do you know what? We’re still together 22 years later. Our eldest is at uni and the youngest is clear that they want to follow. It isn’t all doom and gloom, but it is incredibly hard work - but my little family is no different to those who chose to have children at ‘the right time’ (whatever that means) - same challenges, same joys. The biggest issue of having kids at ‘the wrong time’ is sadly other people’s attitudes to it.

My DH and I are now doing all those other things we had to delay to prioritise the kids, best thing is we now have loads of disposable income and don’t need to stay in hostels like loads of my friends did when they went travelling in their early twenties

On a more serious note, it is far more important to tend to your mental health at the moment and look after yourself, before needing to look after a baby.