God I need advice...

[Thinkingoutloud7]

LONG POST

Me and my Partner have been together 7 years. 2 children, house, dog blah blah blah.

I've had a friend for 13 years and I thought I could trust her. Turns out I was wrong. I've never checked my partners phone. Never felt the need too. I've had pushed down my throat since day 1 he'd never be able to message another woman or sleep with another woman even if he was held at gunpoint.

Something today inside me changed. I checked his phone. And I found disgusting messages on there. Ones that made my stomach churn. Between my partner and my so called best friend. He's told her he could make her orgasm. She's told him she's going home to masturbate and how she'd love to come and wash his "bits"(not actual word used but you get the idea!!) in the bath. He's told her what sex he likes and she's sent him a pic of her in her pjs with her bra on.

What the f*ck am I meant to do? I work full time to provide the money for the house and bills so he could pursue his dream of running his own business. His mum told him to stay at home and he a single dad! So I'm meant to leave my home and my children when I've done nothing wrong!

With someone who had nothing to hide, he deleted the whatssap thread! I've tried to restore it but he's cleverly deleted her contact and everything in his phone!

My question is, what would you do? Would you work it out? Would you stay? Split? I just don't know. I feel sick.

To make matters worse, Friday night i fell and dislocated my knee. I was on the floor for 7 hours
Waiting for an ambulance and all the while; they're in the same room texting saying he was going to leave me there and go with her.

His excuse? He was talking to her trying to save our relationship. Please tell me I'm not being stupid when I say I want to kick him out? He's fast asleep upstairs and I'm sat downstairs crying my eyes out.

I'd kick him out. He can't be trusted, clearly.

I was told "it would be a shame to break up a family over this"... am I over reacting or am I warranted to feel like I want to kick him out? I just don't think I'm strong enough.

kick him out.
i'd also have it out with the deceitful bitch and drop her.

start separating your finances and get your ducks in a row, then divorce him.
they're disgusting pieces of shit and you're better off without them.

That's what I needed to hear. Luckily everything in the house is in my name and I have all the money anyway. So that's already done.

The thing is; I work with her. I used to line manage her. I can't do anything that could risk my job. I'm so stuck. I've got no tears left and the anger is just building up inside me.

He'd be out! Fuck that! I'm so sorry you've been so badly betrayed - wankers!

@flumpybear I found out she was shagging my mates husband today too. 2 families ruined in one weekend.

I just don't know what to say to our children :(

Fuck that!! How dare he. 'It would be a Shame to break up the family' he's already done that. Question is and only you know... can you trust him , can you carry on with him...every time his phone goes off , or he disappears in the next room you are always going to wonder what's happening... xx

@wintersontheway I went upstairs to get his phone and he'd turned it into airplane mode and tucked it beneath the slats in the bed. Already he's made me become a mad woman checking his phone.

I am so usually strong and own my shit. But this is killing me... for the children. Do what you want to me I'll deal with it but now my kids will come from a broken home. I just don't know how I'll deal with that.

How old are your kids? How dare he do this to you 🤬🤬

@wintersontheway 5 and our daughter is 3 in 2 weeks :(

They saw daddy crying earlier and then cried for me.

My son said before he's seen them kissing. Then asked me the other night... "is daddy and ..... having alone time now?"

I'm distraught.

My kids were 9 and 12 when I split from a 18 yr marriage, kids are more resilient than you may think, and I always said to myself if I stayed in this I'm teaching my daughter how to be treated by a man and my son how to treat a woman, lots of love and reassurance and you not stopping them from seeing him , but you don't deserve to be treated like this, it's so easy for us to sit here giving our advice only you know how you feel but please make sure you put yourself first your kids will be fine x

Bless your heart , what's he saying about all this? I couldn't continue it would kill me x

What a bastard. And she sounds like a piece of work. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

I'll be there for my children come hell or high water. I just can't picture the heart break on their faces. I went through hell and back to give birth to them and to put them through this upset is just the worst part of it all. They're my life, shame he didn't think of that when he was sexting my best friend.

And I'll never know what else was said on those messages. Everything has been deleted. And I mean everything. Her number, the messages; whatssap the lot.

I just never thought he'd do this to me.

@ahouseofleaves deserve each other really don't they.

Sounds like it. You're well rid of both of them. But that doesn't make it hurt less.

If your not married and everything is your name then dump him.

@ferando81 I changed my name by deed poll because I'm not one for marriage but I wanted the same surname as my children. So I changed it through deed poll. We were talking about getting married next year on my 30th

@ahouseofleaves I'm more devastated for the children. Out of all of this, those 2 little humans of mine are who I feel sorry for.

Sweetie you are strong and will get through this both you and your babies! Your stbxh and ex friend deserve each other. I’m so pissed off for you three! What a first class sonofabitch! I wish you peace and happiness.

I understand that completely. Shame he didn't stop to think of them. You'll be okay. Your children will, too. In time. I would have to leave, if it were me.

I wish you strength.

@Olderbyaminute thank you, that's so sweet of you to say and I'll appreciate it more than you know.

I'd never hold the kids against him, despite being a shitty partner, he's a terrific dad and he can have the kids as many times and he wants them a week.

But the thought of them not having him every day through his own stupidity kills me inside.

@ahouseofleaves he was trying to save our relationship apparently... men's brains are weird things.

Yes. Yes, they are.

He's a cunt. Get rid.
Btw so is your mate. Get rid.
Then go forward with your life and dcs