God I need advice...

[Thinkingoutloud7]

LONG POST

Me and my Partner have been together 7 years. 2 children, house, dog blah blah blah.

I've had a friend for 13 years and I thought I could trust her. Turns out I was wrong. I've never checked my partners phone. Never felt the need too. I've had pushed down my throat since day 1 he'd never be able to message another woman or sleep with another woman even if he was held at gunpoint.

Something today inside me changed. I checked his phone. And I found disgusting messages on there. Ones that made my stomach churn. Between my partner and my so called best friend. He's told her he could make her orgasm. She's told him she's going home to masturbate and how she'd love to come and wash his "bits"(not actual word used but you get the idea!!) in the bath. He's told her what sex he likes and she's sent him a pic of her in her pjs with her bra on.

What the f*ck am I meant to do? I work full time to provide the money for the house and bills so he could pursue his dream of running his own business. His mum told him to stay at home and he a single dad! So I'm meant to leave my home and my children when I've done nothing wrong!

With someone who had nothing to hide, he deleted the whatssap thread! I've tried to restore it but he's cleverly deleted her contact and everything in his phone!

My question is, what would you do? Would you work it out? Would you stay? Split? I just don't know. I feel sick.

To make matters worse, Friday night i fell and dislocated my knee. I was on the floor for 7 hours
Waiting for an ambulance and all the while; they're in the same room texting saying he was going to leave me there and go with her.

His excuse? He was talking to her trying to save our relationship. Please tell me I'm not being stupid when I say I want to kick him out? He's fast asleep upstairs and I'm sat downstairs crying my eyes out.

@Monty27 couldn't agree more. Defo cunts in every sense of the word.

He can't stay at his mums though, she won't allow it. She told him to stand his ground and he a single dad on benefits and I can leave.

Don't leave. What the hell? His mother sounds like she needs to give her head a shake.

It would be a shame to end this relationship. FOR HIM. Not for you. You deserve soooo much better.

You, my dear, need to tell him to go to your friend and never darken your door again.

Your little ones have a strong, capable but a wee bit of a wonky kneed mummy. They will be just fine. x

Don't listen to mil. You mustn't leave your children.
Pack his bags and drop them off to your ex friend's house

luvvie.it will be more of a broken home if you stay.young kids will want mum and dad together.but they will also be damaged forever by seeing there dickish dad cheating.they will be taight all the wrong things about commitment.
he will keep or do this again.and they will then see mummy going through this and letting him.
they will see your hurt as there is no trust.
they will not have a chance to live in a happy home because that wont be the place and situation you are now in.
you deserve better too!never mind the kids.you can be happy again and don't eve ever deserve to be treated like this.im so so sorry.
you know though now.look down at all the control yo uare now in.you have ur job.the money.the house.look at what the silly little man has.....his dick and his phone.good riddance bastardfacewankerdickhead.
out.he.goes
sorry im so angry for you.
you can heal from this and so can you little ones.you just have to take it step by step with them.
look up how to explain these things to children or ask on here for those who have been through it maybe.there are ways f doing this slowl and gently without harming them.again your in control.you can do this.and so can they.
and it isn't you hurting them remember that.its is there dad.
big hugs

do you have parents.or someone to support you irl.
ignore the mil.
does he have a choice?if its in your name you can just tell hi to go no?

Fuck his mum and fuck him. Kick him out of YOUR home immediately. It will be hard and you will feel like absolute shit for a while, but you WILL get through it.

Fuck that, you absolutely need to get rid!? You facilitated his dream and repays you thus? You would be miserable as sin and he would be a baddd example to the children. Ducks in a row, then boot.

Definitely get rid. He can sort his own life out now.

Echo everything here. Kick him out (no pun intended re dislocated knee). This Bastard left you in agony on the floor whilst he chatted with the horrible woman - probably started as how can we cover this up and ended up with how can I leave and it's your fault anyway. Do expect nastiness, self pitying and deluded behaviour to escalate.

I'm no WhatsApp expert but it's usually backed up on the phone so if you could add her back as a contact to his phone you may be able to retrieve; obviously dependent on getting hold of his phone in first place.

Have you told the other woman's whose husband has also been with this so called friend?

Is it possible to go to HR re your working environment and ask for her to be moved?

Stay strong. YOUR house and money. Remember that he's allowed your son to see him with other woman - he's crossed that line.

Yes your relationship is over. Before you say or do anything be very calm and say nothing. Ignore him. This week go see 2-3 solicitors and hire one you like. Get everything set up so your division is easier. His mother is one of those who will be egging him on. Sadly, if he isn't working and you are, you could find yourself having the DC EOW while he plays happy families with the DC.

Get the best legal advice you can afford and make sure you are properly advised before you do anything, including kicking him out.

Yes see a solicitor. It was a turning point for me, to understand what I could legally expect to happen. I am certain you will leave the appointment empowered, since you are in a very strong financial position.

What a scumbag! And his Mum sounds like a piece of work too, saying he can stay at home and you can leave! Stand his ground indeed!! Fuck that!

Fortunately you hold all the cards. Start using them. You're not married so he has no claim on your assets. Kick him out NOW. It's not your problem he has nowhere to live, especially if his delightful mum won't have him. Do not feel sorry for him if he has nowhere to go. Let your bitch of an ex-friend put him up.

Change the locks and don't let him back. Unlike situations where a couple is married and co-own a property, you can absolutely do that. You can arrange for him to collect his property another time.

He has abused your trust in the most dispicable way while you supported his dream and this is how he repays you? He'll be the one to suffer for his own stupidity in so many ways.

Stay strong, you can get rid of this vile leech. .

I knew you ladies would give me the support I needed thank you all so much. Haven't really slept. Went to look at his phone last night and he'd put it on airplane mode and hidden it between the slats of the bed. Not guilty eh??

If you aren't married and the house is in your name, you can just tell him to leave. He has no rights to your property. He can go and stay with the OW.

His mother's attitude is disgusting.

@Whocansay I'm not 100% sure he told his mum everything. I think if she knew the whole truth she wouldn't be telling me to leave. She only knows what he's told her.

Hold on, a bit off topic but he left you on the floor with a dislocated knee for 7 hours whilst he was in the next room chatting to her?

Omg what an absolute dick. Also, have it out with the so called friend. Doesn't matter if you work with her, she's in the wrong, she deserves what she gets.

If you pull down on the main whatsapp page you can see the archived and deleted messages if you need them back.

I’m sorry. You deserve better. And how dare he make out your overreacting or in the wrong by ending it.

Just a quick one..... v much doubt he will have stopped messaging her entirely-look at all the apps on his phone... some messaging apps dont look like messaging ones, and need passwords...

Best of luck with it all and stay strong! She sounds like a piece of work, ruining two families... wonder if your partner knew about the other guy?🤨

Why on EARTH would you leave? Luckily the house is in your name and you aren't married. Thank God. Pack his stuff and chuck him out, the useless prick. He's burnt his boats. The kids will be fine. If he's a good dad, he can carry on being a good dad but from somewhere else, not your house.

@sazzle27 she told him she was sleeping with the married man! He only brought it up to try and save his own arse.

Did they sleep together do you think or was it limited to sexting?

More fool him for ruining a family life for a bit of crumpet on the side (who had even more on the side for her!)

As PPs said, at least it is all in your name..

Although I would definitely not let him back in the house.. it would be hotels for him, his own money on them.

Oh! And his mum would be fully informed about why he was no longer allowed in the house if she made more comments..

Your not married and everything is in your name - great, chuck him out. No discussion. You own him nothing.