Aibu to judge him for this

[Oops109]

I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months. We've had our ups and downs but generally it's ok although I have some doubts.

However something's happened and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not. His best friend is getting married to an American girl. She's a Trump supporter and pro guns. Recently he went to stay with them for a weekend and whilst there they had dinner with some family friends of hers. One of them apparently asked my boyfriend 'aren't you worried muslims are taking over your country? You have a Muslim mayor aren't you worried?" And when he replied and said no and explained why they said things like "what about your children?"

He told me this afterwards and it's made me feel very odd. I'm Asian although I'm not Muslim and I feel deeply uncomfortable about this. He's said to me before that I'm invited to the wedding and I told him when he repeated this to me that I felt uncomfortable going. His response was "that's fine. I don't want you to be anywhere you feel uncomfortable". He does say this girl is really nice but that he's puzzled his best friend is marrying her as they seem so different Politically. I know my boyfriend doesn't agree with her view himself.

I know inside I am judging him for saying she's nice and her family are nice and I suppose I just want to know If im being unreasonable.

Of course living in safe places works both ways and allows views and opinions to flourish unchallenged.

I think that trying to make the OP seem blinkered and snowflakey is unfair. It's not her job to educate people who appear to be suffering from a tsunami of stupid, to look at Trumpism in its most forgiving light.

It’s hard OP but splitting up is for the best. You wouldn’t want to be with an apologist like that long term.

I’ve been surprised by the vitriol against you on this thread by some posters. You’ve handled it all with grace.

Stubborn and never apologises? Well you've dodged bullet if it ends now.

EyeSaidTheFly - "You have a right to feel safe and what white people don't get (don't want to get, more like) is that racism is very scary if you're on the receiving end or anywhere close to it."

Wow, speaks of racism...Then generalises an entire race! Incredible. I know exactly what racism feels like, having lived most of my life on a multicultural council estate in London, I was victim to both racial abuse and racial attacks and so too were my children...Oh and we are white English...Still, may be I don't know what racism is what with my white privilege and all. I certainly know what absolute ignorance is though

As for the OP, the political climate in America is just as toxic as here and as usual the MSM news media and the establishment have done brilliantly in dividing up the population. Trump is no more racist than the Clintons. Republicans are no more chaotic than the Democrats. You need to stop with basing your opinion on MSM news media. As someone who has worked a lot in the US during the past 12 months, I can safely say that Americans are desperate, the economy, the social situation, the loss of industry, the astronomical rise in cost of living and the astronomical collapse in wages is destroying (or has destroyed) the American dream. In such situations, it is unfair for Trump supporters to be labelled almost as NAZIS. I have met Americans of all races that voted Trump, all desperate for change (all not understanding that there is no change found in politics but that is another debate). I have met Democrats who were lovely people, just want to live in peace and in a fair world...I have also met Democrats who seemed to want a civil war.

Don't so judgmental on how your DP reacted or not, to friends of friend of a friend of a 7th cousin removed, or whatever. I think the fact that he has been upfront with you is a plus sign. However, if you feel that there are other things in the relationship, then look to change them or walk.

Politics should not come between people, in my working experience it is a waste of time. Both arguing over politics and being engrossed to the point that it dictates your life. All politicians/governments/leaders must follow the ground set before them. The difference in parties once in power generally comes down to the colour of their ties and nothing more

I get where you're coming from, and you're right to have an issue with it. In my experience, it's much easier to be friends /in relationships with people from opposing political perspectives when you're not possibly at the receiving end of these. People who don't directly experience systèmic racism sometimes don't quite understand the implications of normalising politics like Trump's and minimise the real danger they pose for so many people across the world. My husband is white, I'm not and sometimes there's a thought process i have that he doesn't quite get, but he tries and is very open to understanding and discussing things and shows sensitivity. So it's totally possible! You felt your bf didn't so don't feel bad! It'll leave the door open for someone who's on the same wavelength :)

Let him go Oops109 and don't look back. Something who thinks he is right on and understands racism yet wants his non-white girlfriend to laugh at racism (and is stubborn and doesn't apologise!) is absolutely not worth the time and energy you've given to thinking about this.
Many of us understand why you are upset. I would be too. Racism isn't fucking funny.

@C0ll4p53 when did the Clintons say nazis are good people?

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT!

(Although it would be good to know how things worked out for you, OP)

She's clearly thick as two planks to come out with the stuff she does.

And a hateful racist.

Perhaps your boyfriend did not realise she held those views.

I have friends who voted for Trump because they wanted change. Most of them regret it.

I may get shot down for this (pardon the association), but I have found most Americans I have anything to do with professionally or personally have a much poorer standard of education and are very easily brainwashed. Perhaps the easily brainwashed comes from the first part of my observation. They appear to be unable to think outside of their own very narrow boxes and many do not even know where other countries are on the planet.

I tend to expect very little in terms of intellectual discussion or carefully weighed opinions from them. This woman sounds like a real "redneck"... ignorant, backward, arrogant, filled with hate and highly opinionated about stuff she probably knows fuck all about.

Don't go their wedding and don't send a card or gift. I don't waste my oxygen on that kind of person anymore.

As for your boyfriend's friend, maybe the allure of the foreign has take over. She is probably good in bed or something. Or he wants to escape Blighty. Whatever it is, if he has any sense, he will wake up and not marry her. Or get divorced fast. Or maybe he is a closet gun-touting racist Trump supporter.

Whatever, let them go and be jackasses together and find better company.

Gosh just scrolling through relationships and saw this resurrected again! What are the chances!

So an update - my BF and i plodded on. Had more arguments about similar but different things on the same issue. I didn’t go to their wedding which he was fine with but he then broke up with me the day before he went to it - for different reasons I should add.

I was devastated at the time. But it’s been a few months now and I’ve done a lot of thinking about the relationship and funnily enough about this argument and I think whilst we were ill suited in some ways it was good to meet and be challenged by someone with such different views. He was a bit insensitive and emotionally distant and selfish but fundamentally not a bad guy and I had my faults too.