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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught my boyfriend searching escorts!

57 replies

Clo90 · 16/11/2018 23:28

Please help. Last year I looked on my boyfriends search history and on and off over 8months he had looked up escorts a lot! He denied it was him and said it was his friends then eventually he admitted to looking once.. he said it was on the google search bar history (from where 'his friend searched it') so he decided to have a nose.
Shortly after that i found out i was pregnant. We had been trying for a baby for about 4months. Since then ive never fully trusted him. Our son is now 6months old and i still think about all the escorts on his search history. He never lets me on his laptop and i have no way of signing onto it. So makes me think he is searching them. I just want the truth from him so badly! :(

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 16/11/2018 23:34

You know the truth. You don’t have to keep searching. He was looking for prostitutes on the internet and you’re wasting your life mistrusting him.

silkpyjamasallday · 16/11/2018 23:36

Unfortunately he has clearly already lied to you and got away with it, you are unlikely to get the truth out of him even if you had proof, these men always try to wriggle out of it. He won't just be searching for them either, if he wanted to peruse women he could watch any of the easily available free porn, looking up escorts is only done with the intention of engaging their services. There are so so many threads on here where women's husbands claim they were just looking, or just booked an appointment but didn't go through with it. And it's always lies. I'm sorry OP but it doesn't look good, especially if he is secretive with his tech.

Hideandgo · 16/11/2018 23:37

Escorts are not short of business. I think you know what he’s up to but it’s a bitter thing to accept. He’s a jerk. You and your child deserve better.

IStandWithPosie · 16/11/2018 23:38

I just want the truth from him so badly!

You don’t need to hear it from him, you already know it. You just want permission to end the relationship. Let me tell you secret, you don’t need that either. You can just end it. You don’t even have to give him a reason. It took me years in an awful relationship to realise this. Don’t waste your tears like I did. You can just go.

Joysmum · 17/11/2018 09:43

He’s already lied to you. Liars have a tendency on not telling the truth so you need to accept you’ll never get the thrush from him and make plans for your future based on that Sad

NotTheFordType · 17/11/2018 09:47

Why on earth did you decide to TTC with a man whose go-to excuse is "a big boy did it and ran away"?

Ss770640 · 17/11/2018 18:59

Just because someone googled something doesn't mean he will do it.

I google lots of crap. Every bloke does.

Joysmum · 17/11/2018 19:07

Ss770640 he does it a lot according to the OP and he lied about it.

I Google a lot of crap too, because of Mumsnet ironically, but not the same topic over and over. I wouldn’t lie about it and can point my DH to the thread/tv program/Facebook post that got me curious if he’s wondering why.

toffeeapple123 · 17/11/2018 20:08

Sorry to hear this OP. No wonder you are feeling this way.

Are you able to check his phone / bank details?

Would couple's counselling help?

BeenieMan · 17/11/2018 20:40

There is a world, I mean world, of difference between looking at sexy pictures of female escorts and actually visiting prostitutes. Think of all the fantasies you've had, how many have you actually acted out ?

IStandWithPosie · 17/11/2018 20:42

looking at sexy pictures of female escorts

I’ve been led to believe there are all sorts of websites with pictures and videos of sexy women all over the internet that aren’t escorts. Why on earth would a man search specifically for escorts to look at just for his wank bank?

BeenieMan · 17/11/2018 20:52

Because you know the images will be titillating ? I don't believe they show themselves doing the ironing whilst they watch Corrie.

How many people look at cars ? How many people look at holidays ? Countries to visit ?

I'm just saying the leap from "he looked at escort sites" to "he's regularly having sex with prostitutes" is a pretty dramatic leap. I suspect the odds would be completely against it.

IStandWithPosie · 17/11/2018 21:07

Because you know the images will be titillating

Why specifically escorts though? All the other images are just, if not more titilating.

How many people look at cars ? How many people look at holidays ? Countries to visit ?

Confused what?

toffeeapple123 · 17/11/2018 21:19

I'm just saying the leap from "he looked at escort sites" to "he's regularly having sex with prostitutes" is a pretty dramatic leap. I suspect the odds would be completely against it.

I agree. But it's entirely normal for something like this to create trust issues, especially as the OP says "He never lets me on his laptop".

OP, can you talk to your partner about this? That's why I suggested couple's counselling to rebuild trust.

Original poster
Clo90 · 17/11/2018 21:26

Thanks for all the replies. He also has another phone. A very cheap basic phone and there were sent messages to escorts. There were no messages in the inbox. The time and date wasn't set correctly so couldn't know when the texts were actually sent but again he said it must of been his friends... At the time I said surely his friends have their own phones and laptops to search and message escorts and he said he lets his friends use his all the time. This was all around the same time I found out he he been searching them.

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 17/11/2018 21:34

I’m sorry but what the actual fuck? He thinks it’s ok for his friends to use his phone (which is clearly clearly a total bullshit lie) to contact escorts? He’d be dumped for enabling and having such shithead friends. (If it was true which it’s not).

Hideandgo · 17/11/2018 21:35

And toffee, someone has to actually be trustworthy in order to build trust with them.

BeenieMan · 17/11/2018 21:36

Now that IS definitely starting to sounds very dodgy!

IStandWithPosie · 17/11/2018 21:37

So he’s texting the escorts. I’m sure that’s just because they’re friendly, eh @BeenieMan? Hmm

Flower32 · 17/11/2018 21:39

Why does he never let you on his laptop? If he's innocent then what is there to hide? Is there any way that you can try and get on it? How about his phone or email do you have access to them? Even when presented with evidence he may still deny as my ex boyfriend did initially when I was pointing at escort bookings on his laptop with his phone number on them. You may not get the evidence but have to go with your gut feeling. Why had he "looked up escorts a lot"? Do his friends use his laptop that much? If someone is curious about what escort sites are like then maybe they'd look once yeah, but it sounds like a lot more than that. If he wanted a perv then why not just watch some porn instead.

Dirtybadger · 17/11/2018 21:40

IT WAS NOT HIS FRIENDS. Because none of his friends are probably as pig shit thick to not know how to use their own laptops (delete their history after, get their own 2nd phone, not hard).

Researching a holiday isn't the same as sex workers. And if your DP is researching holidays...that's fine because wanting a holiday is fine. Not people would agree they don't want a DP who wants to use sex workers! Whether they do or not, tbh. No ta.

Dirtybadger · 17/11/2018 21:42

Most people** would agree

Original poster
Clo90 · 17/11/2018 21:42

All this was last year but since he's not let me see his laptop or go on it since. And I just can't let it go. I haven't brought it up in a longgg time but feel I need to, to move on.. with or without him. Just so nervous about bringing it up now

OP posts:
Original poster
Clo90 · 17/11/2018 21:45

I have managed to get on his phone a couple times but he literally deletes everything... since I went snooping last year

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/11/2018 21:54

He's not trustworthy and you know it.

Searching escorts and having a cheap other phone with those messages.

Common.... you know he was and probably is still up to no good. Raise your bar.