Other Woman why?

[babycow38]

I'm five years now post OW, we are good, we talk about it, and even think she made us stronger, we have a bond now that I can't believe, but I often wonder? Did she want more? Is she now unhappy ,why would you think being with a married man helps your self,? I know occasionally it works out but come on!!! Most married men don't love you, they are playing out there mid life crisis, surely you knew that? I
Would so what makes you different? Really interested to know.

Maybe she loved him, maybe she just wanted no strings sex. She was most probably lied to by him.
She probably gives it no headspace apart from remembering your DH as a seedy shadow in the distant past and thanks her lucky stars she wasn't duped any longer by such a disloyal POS

Or .......
She saw a good thing, decided she wanted it for herself, used every female trick in the book to get it and then failed to hang onto it.

This scenario, all the others on this thread and a million others are possible.

I was the OW (there's certainly two sides to the story mind you). He left his wife and over a decade later, we are still together and strong. Don't really think about about her now as it's a long time ago, but her reaction to me really fulfilled the psycho stereotype that I'd heard about her so I never felt sympathy.

I’m sure if he did the same to you MrsPworkingmummy you would be an epitome of calm and understanding.

@GloomyMonday I don’t know why this OW was the OW - I’m just throwing out a possibility - that she foolishly believed the lies and immorally behaved based upon them. There are, as you say, plenty of other reasons.

Babycow I have done a search on your name... please lovely, get some outside help. I don’t think your marriage is now in the strong place that you so desperately want it to be, and that’s possibly why you’re having to focus on, and post about, the OW again. I would like nothing more to be wrong and that everything has come together for you in the last few months. But it seems unlikely - and as I say, focusing on the OW now just makes it seem even more unlikely. I hope you have support around you. Sounds like he really fucked you over

@MaryJenson Probably not. I'm more of the 'cut them out and never have anything to do with them again' type. Wouldn't have the energy for the years of jealousy and bitterness. Thankfully we are very happy and strong. Although I know it sounds awful, it was absolutely worth the hurt caused to all parties. For what it's worth, and I don't even know whether it's relevant, but we had a looooong emotional affair before anything physical happened. He had moved out of the family home and had stopped wearing his wedding ring absolutely ages before that and before we properly got together. She reacted very, very badly when we went public.

I really dislike the line it was worth all the hurt - since it’s not the person saying it who is hurt. Of course it’s easier to say when you’re the one causing it not at the end of it.

Maybe she didn’t know? Maybe she didn’t want a relationship, just regular a shag?

I suppose I'm the OW.

We are having an emotional affair and sext, phone sex. Not physical and unlikely to be, but i think both our partners would consider us to be cheating.

How much do i think about his wife? He loves her, they are in therapy. He will never leave her.

Do i feel guilt when he comes back from a therapy session with her and has phone sex with me? No. It's ironic sure, but my relationship is with him. That's his circus to think about and i won't judge him

As for my relationship? My AP gives me things i don't get from my DH. But i love him and my life and family and don't want to leave.

Can the immoral adulteress's please refrain from posting because no one believes you that you think it's ok

Sleeping with anyone who is married is not ok and if those married men really did love or give a shit about any of you they wouldn't use you for free sex

They would invest in a relationship and family with you instead but they hardest ever do unless their wives have been firm and kicked them out and they have no other option left

How pathetic trying you justify letting someone use you for sex of any kind.

Some men will sleep with anyone who offers it to them for free if they think they can get away with it. It's just sex to them but for women it isn't

Women crave relationships but affairs rarely end well and married men rarely leave their wives because they have no respect for you either. It's just free sex to them

mumto2babyboys

Oh please, don't get your bonnet in a tizzy.

Guess what - both men and women seek sex and intimacy outside of their marriages.

No one is using anyone here.

Also, not all women 'crave relationships' - what a sweeping generalisation.

@mumto2babyboys
Very simplistic view. Do you think these men have women throwing themselves at your dh, saying all I want is to have sexual with you!!!

I think you’ll find it takes a lot of persuading and that comes from one person only

I guess it makes it easy to think your dh stayed with you if it’s all the ow fault!

You took him back? She's probably thinking YOU are the fool. He won't stay, they never do, she just created a vacancy

This is the bitchiest thread I've read in ages.

OP took her H back after his affair - so what? Not everyone is hardcore LTB

Trying to make OP feel like shit goes to show people can't own what they do.

Women who fuck married men - up to you but you are supply to a need, that's all. Plug & hole. Giving men who want some fun exactly what they want.

How easily women give men power over them...its always the man's fault and the innocent OW must never, ever share blame simply by virtue of being a woman. 🙄.

On both sides the problem is people who can't say No.

Being unable to say No to a MM is nothing to be proud of. His behaviour is shit and so is the OWs however it's dressed up, and even if OWs rush to say "It's not our fault".

OP is not over the affair, she needs to look to her Husband for answers, not the OW

In my 20s, I pursued several married men. Most weren't interested. For me, it was the thrill of getting someone unobtainable, having a man that fancied me more than someone else. It's silly, I know. But at the time, I loved the challenge.

I feel like a dick now. Not much I can do about it though.

"No. It's ironic sure, but my relationship is with him"

I cannot comprehend how anyone can find this sort of man attractive. He sits in therapy with his wife, presumably telling both her and the counsellor that he wants to save his marriage, then comes home to phone sex with you? I don't know how you can bear to debase yourself like that. It doesn't matter how horny you are, how much you fancy him, he's disgusting isn't he, surely disgusting to pretty much any right-thinking woman?

When our relationship was a couple years in, so some 20-years ago, and going through a period of intense vulnerability on both sides, with the advent of online chat it became very easy to get sucked in by someone seemingly offering a way out from the stresses and pressures of "normal" life. Both myself, and DP, were talking to a range of different people (on a personal level) and over time someone raised their head above the parapet and offered the "What if....", which exacerbated what we were already thinking.

Thankfully, both of us saw sense and cut ties with a number of people. It's still very scary to think of how dangerously close both of us came to cheating, and something in the following years hasn't happened again.

In our experiences both an OM and OW know what they are doing, and have a long list of issues within the relationship and often try to widen these gaps. Remember too, there are two people in this scenario who can pull the plug. I inevitably feel both parties share equal blame.

Crap, posted without NC. Shrug. Just wanted to add, I'm, nay, we, are both incredibly saddened by this period and not proud. Having been in this situation, looking back it's remarkably easy to pinpoint where things took a turn with the other person and very obvious how things changed (with each other and the OP), but then hindsight is a very powerful thing.

Some men will sleep with anyone who offers it to them for free if they think they can get away with it. It's just sex to them but for women it isn't

Ah yes, the archetypical "it's just sex to men". Bollocks, often sex is far down the agenda.

Most OW know they’re with a married man. They often aren’t lied to. ‘Waiting for a divorce’ should always be a red flag even if there are genuine reasons — I personally wouldn’t start a relationship with anyone who’s seperated.

I think it’s often a mix of poor self-esteem, being easily led, unrealistic romantic expectations, and desperation to be in a relationship.

@mumto2babyboys

Women use men for sex.... and dont all want a relationship, love or family...
Back in the day - before marriage - I dated men for fun and sex... Didn’t want family with any of them...
When married, and things went bad, but I wasn’t ready to leave yet - I used men for sex, and a little fun too - and married men were safer.
I didn’t want complications and to be pressured into leaving before I was ready...
And yes - it worked for me, and I didn’t want to break their families - so i did not have an issue with it.
Not a single man was coerced. Impossible to make someone cheat unless they are looking to cheat on their own.
So, It was their choice. As it was mine.

Women who think sex is something man take and women give - I feel a little sad for you. And I only Hope you don’t think of it as a spousal obligation.

Marriage is a vow. Break that vow you are entitled to get legally divorced

Those are the rules for everyone