Would it piss you off if DH disagreed with EVERY opinion you gave?

[Cheeseofftoast]

We have had this struggle for years and it really gets me down. I feel constantly invalidated and unsupported and wrong and too sensitive.
EVERY single time I give an opinion, DH has to disagree and/or give another side/opinion on the matter EVEN if I say x, y and z has made me feel like A. He will still imply that I shouldn't feel this way.
I can be a sensitive person but I'm also quite balanced and consider what I'm thinking or feeling before I express it.

An example would be today's conversation. I've been concerned about favouritism in my child's class as one child appears to get and win everything. Yesterday, as the children were coming out of school, I overheard another child say to their parent "C gets chosen for everything, the teacher likes her best" after said child has been chosen to represent the school again in something else.
This I feel, shows that my concerns are probably valid as they are shared even by the pupils, I have not spoken to anyone about this previously.
I told DH when I got home. It bothers me as I also suspect my own child isnt being given many opportunities. She doesn't like her new class teacher after loving school last year.
DH makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable by saying:
"Maybe said child is better than the other kids and genuinely deserves everything"
"Maybe our kid is naughty"
"Maybe you didnt hear properly"
"You are turning into one of 'those' mums"

Makes me feel so silly.
I am so careful about what I say to him so I don't come across as unreasonable, but even when my thoughts/concerns seem valid, he still makes me feel slightly insane.

This is just one example but it happens a lot.

Yes I would just stop speaking to him.

To be honest he sounds like the kind of person I wouldn’t want to be around. How insufferable. Has he always been like this?

Gawd. Why does he do that?? Have you called him out on it? Perhaps make a list of some things he's disagreed with you on, then tell him about them all. Maybe he really doesn't realise how often he's doing it? Does sound shitty, though. I bet it doesn't really make you want to talk to him...

I'm not dsaying he has to agree with you about everything, but he doesn't have to be a dick about it or make you feel bad or in the wrong.

What are th e other opinions that you stated and he disagreed with?
Obviously everything Brexit related ...

Everything.
MIL was cooking a simple meal for us at the weekend but cancelled at the last minute saying she only had time to cook for the children. So we sent the children and we stayed at home and ate.
I found it strange and asked "why doesnt she just cook extra for us? Its only 2 plates."
He said " it's not that simple. You need more time to cook for adults." (Says the man who never cooks).
When MIL kept on telling me how to look after my children as babies, I was upset and told to "just ignore it,she can't help it." Yet if I got upset,it was always something that should be helped and eliminated.

To be fair,it is usually when I have a negative to say. Although I have started doing it back when he's being negative. It has stopped him in his tracks a couple of times!

He says he "can't help" but give counter arguments, that his brain does it automatically. Having wached his parents, disagreement with each other over petulant things is constant and I think its learned.

He knows he does it but says he can't stop. I feel I can never be sad or disappointed... he always seems to disagree with me for it.

So, learned behaviour. He knows it is learned behaviour as he recognises that it was learnt in childhood. He recognises he cannot stop it
Has he done anything to rectify the situation. I.e. Counselling? Is he prepared to go to counselling to unlearn the behaviour?
If not, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life in this situation?

Gah, how fucking annoying. I'd start pulling him up on it every time. If he knows he's doing it, he can bloody well stop.

Tell him it's killing your love for him. Say he's meant to love you more than anything, so why would he act like that? Why does he say those things?

His parents don't sound like much fun - but he's an adult and needs to be aware of his behaviour and how it impacts you and his dc.

Does he realise his parents are bit crap and feel defensive about it?

My stbxh was like this, one of many reasons why he is ex

If he has to do it , he can't stop himself also means he doesn't agree with what he's saying sometimes but has to say it anyway.
I'd say he's learnt to psychologically abusive.

I'd start saying 'We'll have to agree to disagree on that, then' every time he brings out a counter argument. You can continue to hold your opinion, whatever he says. Is he one of those types who will go on and on if you don't give in?

I think I do this. I am always drawn to the devil's argument side of things, and the possible debate that provides. My DH tends to react emotionally rather than rationally, which makes me react back with the rational alternatives. I have to try really hard not to always point these out, and to instead just sympathise or agree that his viewpoint is valid. I find it difficult. He feels like I am not listening to his feelings when actually I am simply contemplating how others might see it.
I think YANBU to ask him to acknowledge your feelings, but he is also NBU to think differently to you. What would happen if you agreed that his points are valid and possible, but that your evidence (say, of favourite child getting picked for everything) points to you being right (others have said the same thing etc)? Would he then back down, or would it become a row?

My OH was insistent that the legal age for sex was 16 across the EU, he thought it should be raised to 18.

Did I argue with him, no. Instead I googled for the facts (because I knew he was wrong) and e-mailed him the data.

This happens regularly when I tell him something I have read. His reading is limited to hobby mags in the bathroom.

I have decided that is the way forward with the idiot I married sometimes.

Have you tried changing your mind on something two weeks later to see if he'll still oppose it (with the argument you were originally giving!)?

To such an extent I divorced mine

An otherwise very good decent man

But I couldn’t face rest of my life being with someone who disagreed with me over everything and consequently resulted in lots of little arguments

No regrets

My sisters boyfriend is the same. I say it's abusive to be honest.

Quite frankly I would just tell him to shut the fuck up. I think that will stop him in his tracks.

"even when my thoughts/concerns seem valid, he still makes me feel slightly insane."

It is possible to disagree with someone without making them feel like this.

So not only is he disagreeing as a matter of course, he's also doing it in such a way that you're questioning your sanity and self worth.

I wouldn't stay in that for years, and certainly not for the rest of my life. Something has to change here.

I think seeing the other point of view shows maturity.
Your first post, I would have said the same as your dh.
The Mil feeding one does sound odd, but I think seeing and understanding the other point of view is really helpful in helping you to understand why something happens, and, indeed, for those important ones you are going to tackle, puts you at an advantage by knowing where the other party is coming from. It also helps you realise that some other things are just opinion and yours in no more of less valid than the other party's.

I am so careful about what I say to him.

This is not how a relationship should be. You should be able to say anything to the person that loves you and know you'll have their support, even if they disagree they won't make you feel shitty about it.

He sounds like an argumentative shitbag

If mine disagrees or contradicts me, I just say, "Look, pipe down. Your job is to agree with me, even if I'm wrong. So shut it!" (Said with a smile, so he doesn't know if I'm serious).

Just tell him your thoughts on the subject, then when he contradicts you just shut him down with "I wasn't asking your opinion, I was just telling you mine, I already know that your opinion will be the complete opposite of mine, thankyou very much!!"

My parents do this to me. As soon as i saw it, i could no longer bear it.

I would not be able for it from a partner

His parents also do it to me and him. Everything is a debate. I find it draining and yes, it kills off my love for him without doubt. Him and his parents appear to thrive off constant debate, I find it cold, insular and unloving.

I like the idea of changing mt opinion to see if he will then counter it. I do think he's inclined to put a positive spin on anything negative that I bring to the table. This may sound like a healthy thing to do, but when youve got a sick child and he's arguing until he's blue in the face that they're "fine" it's like continually cracking your head against a wall.

I would say they thrive off proving others wrong, not necessarily them being right, just showing that you are wrong.

It's weird.