Would it piss you off if DH disagreed with EVERY opinion you gave?

[Cheeseofftoast]

We have had this struggle for years and it really gets me down. I feel constantly invalidated and unsupported and wrong and too sensitive.
EVERY single time I give an opinion, DH has to disagree and/or give another side/opinion on the matter EVEN if I say x, y and z has made me feel like A. He will still imply that I shouldn't feel this way.
I can be a sensitive person but I'm also quite balanced and consider what I'm thinking or feeling before I express it.

An example would be today's conversation. I've been concerned about favouritism in my child's class as one child appears to get and win everything. Yesterday, as the children were coming out of school, I overheard another child say to their parent "C gets chosen for everything, the teacher likes her best" after said child has been chosen to represent the school again in something else.
This I feel, shows that my concerns are probably valid as they are shared even by the pupils, I have not spoken to anyone about this previously.
I told DH when I got home. It bothers me as I also suspect my own child isnt being given many opportunities. She doesn't like her new class teacher after loving school last year.
DH makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable by saying:
"Maybe said child is better than the other kids and genuinely deserves everything"
"Maybe our kid is naughty"
"Maybe you didnt hear properly"
"You are turning into one of 'those' mums"

Makes me feel so silly.
I am so careful about what I say to him so I don't come across as unreasonable, but even when my thoughts/concerns seem valid, he still makes me feel slightly insane.

This is just one example but it happens a lot.

A lot of people hide behind that devil's advocat argument though. You shouldnt always be trying to see things from the point of view of the randomer who relegated/excluded/rejected (or whatever) your loved one. My family did this to me. Trying to make me positive i thiiink, but it made me feel so invaludated. Less than.

I agree Nobodys. I hated not feeling validated. .

In the case of my ex Dh, he was supremely difficult and prone to tantrums. Was very difficult to unquestioningly support him.

It's a fine line, definitely. I know exDH was utterly spoiled growing up. I wasn't. He expected constant reassurance and couldn't give it to him all the time. In my view he's an adult and can't have everything his own way, any more than I can.

Food for thought.

If he's minimising and dismissing your every opinion it's abusive. Just contempt and nastiness. I strongly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion and certainly don't believe it's anyone's job to automatically and unquestioningly agree with their partner 's opinion but when your opinion is used against you to make you look stupid and him look clever... No. You don't have to tolerate it.

I am quite confident of my views. And I don't think mine are extreme. So DH disagreeing or spelling something out to me in a long diatribe, is just something to pretend to take on board or to just say nothing about or sometimes argue with (but neither are likely to change our opinions).
He is very knowledgeable about some things (he is an engineer) but his views on politics etc are no more valid than mine, in fact I am content that mine are better balanced and thought out.
So can you just end the conversation with 'I don't agree with that.' or just ignore. There is often no reason that your views should agree, unless about rearing DCs or things like money which need some discussion.

I would find this incredibly tedious. I'd probably counter it with a withering glance and tell him not to be such a bloody bore.

Is he a respectful, supportive and kind partner in other ways? (This behaviour certainly isn’t).

My DH does this to me. He challenges almost everything I say and asks "Why?" in an annoying, puzzled way like I'm a complete weirdo for even saying such a thing.

Just the other day he did it again and I said "DH please stop challenging me over everything, it's wearing me down and sapping my self confidence" he asked "Why?" (like he does) and I replied that it's making me feel miserable. He just sees it as a difference of opinion and nothing to get worked up about, but it really isn't.

He might have taken some notice though because I don't think it's happened again since (I hadn't thought about it until I read your post).

My DH does this too. For the last few years I've felt we can't have a proper conversation most of the time, we're not communicating and it is disastrous. When we were first married it took me several years to realise what was going on and that I was getting more and more inhibited. But I'm also a "devil's advocate" type when something is suggested that needs discussing, so when I've tried to pull him up and explain what I have a problem with he just turns it all around on me. I think there is a difference but can't express it clearly.

I've been seeing a counsellor with the intention of getting DH involved, but he's so busy I haven't yet pushed to get him to find a time to make contact ...

I hope you can find a way to improve things. Look after your own mental health and self-confidence first and foremost though!

Ex Mil did this, although much more subtly, so I doubted myself and my reality. Usually around child care (MY children mind you) - so much so that even with seemingly innocent comments I found myself looking for the underlying digs. For example, trivial crap like the use of a conditioner for baby’s hair. Immediately she said ‘oh, what you’ll find is that it’ll build up’ - a seemingly non comment to be ignored, but part of a pattern of opposite opinions for everything I said or did, dressed up as concern and wanting the best for me.
After a while I realised it wasnt me, and started discussing only neutral boring topics like the weather. ‘It might rain later’ ‘Might it? Who knows ...’
How’s your family? - ‘Fine thanks’
Going on holiday this year? ‘Hmm, probably, don’t know yet’
Etc

In your case it may be the goal of your husband to have you never voice an opinion or question his decisions. If he isn’t going to change and you choose not to play the game and crack on regardless with your own decisions and choices without discussion with him due to his attitude, then this essentially is a separate life anyway, certainly no partnership.

He just sees it as a difference of opinion and nothing to get worked up about

Mine is the same. And when I point out how it makes me feel he goes in a huff, “I’ll just not say anything then” and goes quiet for several hours.

My MIL was like this, she could start an argument in an empty room.

My husband does it even in the middle of my sentence before I can finish. Yes I believe it is learned behaviour and I pull him up on it.

Yesterday I was relating something someone else had said to me, he pounced before I had finished. So I replied right then whenever you ask what the person and I discussed I'll just refuse to tell you.

He hates missing out on news, so should shut up for a while.

ZOMBIE THREAD

This is from 2018

My ex was like this. He would defend it by saying he saw every side to something. Actually, he thought his views were the right ones and I was always in the wrong. He tries to control because he felt intimidated by me. After we split (he was multiple cheating) this behaviour continues on emails but much nastier. He has even created his back story that HE was the victim in our break up. I've blocked him now.
As soon as I read your post I thought "run for the hills".

It sounds tedious and suggests you are not compatible long term. Great to have a discussion and.mull over other points of view. Coming up with one or several contra arguments for every little domestic thing for the sake of it instead of actually agreeing sometimes or sometimes just showing support? And no doubt dismissing your points as 'emotional rather than rational '. How much of this do you want to tolerate? It sounds so grindingly boring, and petty. Was he always like it?I would let him know you're going off his company. Ask what he wants to achieve and if he would like to try and move to a different conversational style for the sake of the relationship.

My DF has a tendency towards this. I remember my GM (his mother) pointing out to me as a child when I was being contrary - didn't like it at the time. It probably helped me to be a bit different though, I also need to be empathic in my job, so the tendencies to slip into it have worn off over the years. My DB often has 'loud debates' with my DF, which to the outside world, seem like arguing, but they actually enjoy it ( not like the people around).
Point out when he's being contrary for the sake of it. I'd also be tempted to say "don't be a Mary" to highlight it.
As its only on negative things you say, it sounds like it's his way of trying to put a positive spin on things or lessen the negative impact by changing the narrative. This can be OK occasionally, but all the time, it can drag you down. What you are probably after at the time is some empathy, it doesn't sound like he's good at showing that.
Counselling would probably help him to learn about empathy. He needs to learn that understanding how someone is feeling, can help more than putting positive spins on things and creates better harmony.