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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Revenge on Ex and OW, Would you?

112 replies

Pocketcalculator · 16/11/2018 08:38

So those of us who have been cheated on, did you exact revenge at all? Whether it be low lying passive aggressive or full on sewing dead fish in the curtains and keying cars? I want to hear your anecdotes and I'd like to hear from those who wouldn't go down that path. I'm quite fresh out of being cheated on and have found out the OW has quite swiftly got her feet under the table and into my bed. I knew it would happen, but I'm so fucking angry with the ex and the OW for the way they have conducted themselves and the effect it has had on my DD. So far I have blocked them and want to get on with my life, but on recent news about them, I am feeling quite vengeful.

Would you?

OP posts:

N0b0dysMot · 18/11/2018 12:02

Blanchm well i wouldnt judge you. She had forfeited the right to expect sisterhood from you. Surely that is clear to toomanypuppies. Plus you have both moved on and seen fit to send the blame where it should have gone to begin with!

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 19:41

This gave me a giggle!

Me too!

I didn't say you stalked anyone, then again it's clear you didn't read any of my posts properly.

It's what you implied, obviously Hahaha, I did read, and you have made it clear who you are which is fine. We are all different.

I have nothing to justify let alone to you, whoever you may be.

Then stop responding. You posted on a public forum and were responded to (not just by me it appears) and then wonder why what you did was judged..... Oook.

She had forfeited the right to expect sisterhood from you. Surely that is clear to toomanypuppies.

Clear as mud! Very warped way of viewing it. I personally think there's no excuse to cheat at all. If the OW knows about the partner then they are as bad. So no, I don't think getting a skank back by acting like a bigger skank is the best way to go about it.

It kinda makes the first OW look better though. I mean doing it to get her back is a whole new level. Says A LOT about the poster and she will keep coming back to have a stab, yet she was in the wrong.... Typical of an OW. Hopefully she has grown up but first step is to let go of who she was and not post about it on public forums where she will get judged and then have to carry on as she has....life sure is a journey, more difficult for some than others.

Mochachinomumma · 18/11/2018 20:01

I cut the tongues out of all his trainer's, washed ironed and packed up all his designer clothes all nice and neat as I always did, then poured bleach over the whole lot
As for the OW I sent her 1 single text message wishing her all the luck in the world and told her he would do the same to her, low and behold he did she buggered off back to where she came from and he's now living a miserable existence with the new OW, sending me messages that she's a drama queen and he regrets leaving me and our dcs.
That my friend is all the revenge I need.

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 20:21

Too I don't wonder why I've been judged and I won't dissect your last post. Think what you like, it doesn't affect me personally

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 20:24

I won't dissect your last post.

No need, knew you'd have to reply in some way :)

Think what you like, it doesn't affect me personally

Done and done :)... Wouldn't be so sure about that though or you'd have laughed off my first post and moved on...

Anyway enjoy your day/night whatever it is where you are.. I'm off to enjoy mine :D

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 20:26

I'm having a great night. Had a lovely day too, that's the thing about mobiles, you can take them with you and reply to increasingly bitter posters who keep addressing you and think you shouldn't answer back to them 😂

ravenmum · 18/11/2018 20:43

You two should get a room!

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 20:44

that's the thing about mobiles, you can take them with you and reply to increasingly bitter posters who keep addressing you

Hahahaha very odd.... But thanks for the entertainment. :) love that you still feel the need to justify and defend...

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 20:45

You two should get a room!

Saving myself for someone with higher morals and self respect but thanks for the suggestion! 😉

SilverDoe · 18/11/2018 21:03

MaryJenson you sound really vile, just get a grip and leave the woman alone

worldofpotential · 18/11/2018 21:04

OP I'm a year down the line after being traded in for a younger model and I quite honestly am caring less and less about STBXH. Having a great life with good friends and family really, really helps. Also the realisation that the cheating was just the end point of a long string of entitled and selfish behaviour. I was slowly dying on the inside in my marriage, because both us of were prioritising H's needs and wants.

Having said that, what has struck me is how much people in society don't want to see your anger or sadness. It's utterly natural to feel negative emotions for a long time - your supposed life partner has stabbed you in the back in the most horrible way. There are emotional, physical, financial stresses. Yet we're "bitter", "can't move on", "need to take responsibility for our part in the affair". I can say that being dismissed like this was nearly as traumatising as the finding out about the cheating. I've cut a few people out of my life, and due to the happier vibes I've been giving out, they've been more than replaced by better ones.

Sorry I've digressed, but no, I did not commit any acts of revenge. Initially because I was afraid of what people would think, but later on, I'm glad, because he has moved from being central in my life to barely occupying the peripheries and I did not do anything I could be ashamed of post event.

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 21:07

Raven
OP sorry your thread got somewhat derailed

dogzdinner · 18/11/2018 21:09

It is tempting to take some sort of revenge when you are freshly betrayed but, for me, I realised that I wouldn't actually feel satisfaction from doing anything. In fact I'd feel disappointed in myself as that's not the type of person I usually am/ want to be.

It's best to focus on yourself and be grateful that you're rid of him.

MaryJenson · 18/11/2018 21:17

Why should I leave her alone SilverDoe?

She chose to get involved.

SinkGirl · 18/11/2018 21:22

Strange to think my nice normal grandad had a dark past of being an evil bastard.

Same with my grandad - was lovely to us but an evil fucker to my nan, Mum, aunts and uncles.

SilverDoe · 18/11/2018 21:22

But you make no mention of being so overly involved and meddling in your ex’s life just hers?

It’s really creepy to be honest and is a reflection of your character, which is not a good thing. To actually say you like to frighten her whenever you can - what the fuck?

Why don’t you just move on, take some of the advice from women who have been through similar and move on.

wtf2015 · 18/11/2018 21:25

I found out that man I was seeing was married.... I dumped him immediately and then after much deliberation and advice seeking I told his wife. She kicked him out. It wasn't for revenge, I would have wanted to know if I was in her shoes. Selfishly I regret it as caused repercussions for me but I think I did the right thing.

MaryJenson · 18/11/2018 21:33

He's not my ex and I don’t need advice from anyone thanks. I’m perfectly happy with my life, my choices and my actions.

wibblywobblyfish · 18/11/2018 21:34

I found out that my ex was cheating with a woman from a few streets away. I took all his clothes and porn collection round in bin bags and threw them over her garden fence. A few weeks later I could see them from my bedroom window in the beer garden of the pub I lived door to. They spotted me at the window and they were laughing, I saw red and filled a water pistol with water from the toilet bowl and squirted it at them. Very childish but it cheered me up. I was only 21 at the time. Not how I would react now decades down the line.

squeakybird · 18/11/2018 21:58

I saw red and filled a water pistol with water from the toilet bowl and squirted it at them

This is excellent

Thehop · 18/11/2018 22:10

I poured yacht varnish in the leather seats in my first husbands treasured sports car.

I’m a car lover so it hurt a bit, but he deserved it. He must have known he did too as it was never brought up in the divorce!

Sillysausage12345 · 18/11/2018 22:18

Took him to court and sued the pants off him... he hasn’t told the OW (now wife) that ever happened.

I’ve just got satisfaction that she’s in for a life of dull sex anyway.. that’s enough revenage for me!

ravenmum · 18/11/2018 22:23

After he'd moved out, I found a bottle of limoncello he'd hidden at the back of the shed, which she'd given him as a present. I did consider pouring it over the windscreen of his beloved car - it's very sticky stuff - but literally could not be bothered to walk over to his house :) At 21 you probably put more effort in.

He is just so good at getting my revenge for me, though, that I don't need to do anything. He got his wallet stolen that year, and they withdrew a load of money - thousands - off his card within an hour. Wasn't covered by insurance as they didn't believe his story: said there was no way the thieves could have got his number so fast. I didn't say anything to him when I heard the story, but I know he used to keep the number in his wallet - he's so big-headed he just can't believe he needs to be careful like other people ... See, no need for me to do a thing.

Another time, after divorce discussons, he offered me a lift in his flashy new car, wanting to show it off. When we got to the car, someone had left an angry note on the windscreen saying he'd scratched their door and they'd taken down his number and would be in touch. Wind thoroughly removed from sails with no need for revenge on my part.

So @Pocketcalculator - any plans?

Madmozzie · 19/11/2018 05:16

It kinda makes the first OW look better though. I mean doing it to get her back is a whole new level
Nah. Normally I'd say there's no excuse for cheating, but this one's a bit of a karmic circle, isn't it?

Having said that, what has struck me is how much people in society don't want to see your anger or sadness. It's utterly natural to feel negative emotions for a long time - your supposed life partner has stabbed you in the back in the most horrible way. There are emotional, physical, financial stresses. Yet we're "bitter", "can't move on", "need to take responsibility for our part in the affair". I can say that being dismissed like this was nearly as traumatising as the finding out about the cheating.
Same here, well said! And then realizing that his family and friends are only concerned that he's OK? Wtf, really? He's the one who created the situation by cheating, thanks for nothing MIL/BIL!

StarlightSparkle · 19/11/2018 07:08

MaryJenson your cheating husband is just as culpable for the affair. Why aren’t you getting revenge on him?

Love the toilet water soaking story!

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