Revenge on Ex and OW, Would you?

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So those of us who have been cheated on, did you exact revenge at all? Whether it be low lying passive aggressive or full on sewing dead fish in the curtains and keying cars? I want to hear your anecdotes and I'd like to hear from those who wouldn't go down that path. I'm quite fresh out of being cheated on and have found out the OW has quite swiftly got her feet under the table and into my bed. I knew it would happen, but I'm so fucking angry with the ex and the OW for the way they have conducted themselves and the effect it has had on my DD. So far I have blocked them and want to get on with my life, but on recent news about them, I am feeling quite vengeful.

Would you?

I got legal advice pretty much straight after we separated and was told that I'd have to prove he was actually having sex with the OW for it to class as adultery. I don't really have any way of doing that, even if I wanted to as although I'm not stupid, the messages didn't directly state that.

Despite my feelings and hurt, all I want is to cause as little upset for our children as possible, which I wouldn't be doing by instigating an acrimonious divorce so we have decided to wait the 2 years and divorce under no blame. I don't have the strength spare to fight with him or anyone else - I need it for me and my children.

Told both mine and my ex’s family all about the lies, unprotected sex, deceit etc. It was the truth and they deserved to know what happened. Apart from that I took the moral high ground and glad I did, I’ve heard stories from others who went o social media to vent and have later regretted it.

Karma caught up with my ex eventually, but they soon move onto new victims and the cycle of kids meeting another partner started again and I felt like I was back at square one again.

I soon learnt that Karma is wishing bad things to happen to your ex it’s about making good things happen in your own life. Eventually you get to a state of ‘meh’ and couldn’t really care less whether good or bad things happen to your ex or the OM/OW.

No. Exacting revenge only keeps the emotional ties alive between you. The best "revenge" is to be happy - and you can't do that while you're dwelling on the past, and on still feeling angry. Only by consciously deciding to move through those feelings can you start to rebuild a positive future. It's normal to feel angry in these circumstances, but what you do with that anger matters. Use it to energise yourself to move forward positively and shift your focus onto you, away from them.

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

It will only damage you, not him. He'll just be able to write you off as the evil ex.

Instead, use your energy to look after yourself and your children, to make plans to do things you enjoy, think about what you can do now that you couldn't do before, look for the upside in the situation.

I’ve haven’t done anything but I’ve kept screenshots of all their dirty little emails and texts just in case I ever need them. She’s a teacher so I like to think I could at least give her a pretty shitty couple of months if there’s ever any danger of her coming into contact with my DC

Your ex sounds like he had a lucky escape from you

What do you unsigned doing? The school won’t be interested

* wasn't intending to use them as blackmail and never have - more in the divorce if needed. I told him because I thought it might save him the effort him trying to lie about having an affair in the divorce proceedings if I chose to go down the adultery or unreasonable behaviour route. I also told him because I was extremely hurt by what he had done and that was the only 'thing' I had. Thanks for the legal advice though.*

If you are in England then the courts are completely and utterly indifferent as to whether there’s been an affair. No bearing whatsoever on divorce settlement

When I found out that my physically abusive ExH had taken out thousands of pounds of debt out on credit cards in my name I went nuclear.

I put his bay window through on his rental property, and keyed his car 😳

Many, many, many years ago I was cheated on by father of my DC1. The OW knew about me, knew I was pregnant and even moved 4 hours away, following us. I was young and naive. Didn’t know about her. My parents saw them together and told me. Felt like a physical punch to the stomach. Long story short, I was left with 3 month old baby, no money and never got any child support (even though I had court order). A year of two didn’t the line, they had a baby. He left her, actually fled the country for a few years so he couldn’t get tracked down for support. I sent her a congratulations card which read outside CONGRATULATIONS, inside, you got what you deserve. Of course, could be interpreted two ways. Funny thing was, OW name was Karma. She sure got that.

No other contact with her ever again. Eventually, I tracked down ex and organised a mutual agreement with him whereby, amongst other points, he gave up parental rights.

Nope.

Oh god I just remembered I inadvertently got 'revenge' although I would never seek it as then you will just get pity.
Ex cheated and like an idiot I took him back as I was pregnant (hormones?), the 'OW' wouldn't accept he cut contact with her and kept putting letters through my door and on the car, said she couldn't wait to be my baby's 'mother in waiting' and caused added stress in general. Anyway, a while after she got married and I had an affair with her husband.

@MorrisZapp - cause its blown his world apart and he is miserable as sin.

Perhaps I am too proud, as I never took revenge and rather use all that energy for myself. I am very stubborn and the last thing once I discovered that an ex had cheated was to let him or the OW see how much they hurt me. I cut him out of my life and blocked her. Ironically, it seemed to anger them both more. The ex was a narcissist who wanted me and the OW to fight over him and got off on any exes pining over them while he kept them in limbo. This was the only time I had been cheated on and I did not want to know about the OW or blamed her because I believe it is entirely down to the OH to remain committed to a relationship. I refused to be drawn into a pick-me dance and cut him off. It was surreal because both acted like the injured party and were bitching about me. The OW was narked that she could not somehow get to gloat or rub my face into her ‘victory’. I thought she was a silly girl who was manipulated by my ex. I refused to engage with her. Ironically, a few years later she applied for a job in the company my best friend runs. I did not ask for it but my friend turned her down because she wanted nothing to do with her.

The greatest revenge is to live well

Might have been Einstein, Buddha or Abraham Lincoln who said that (!) lol but it's true.

Don't lower yourself to their level

No. He took a lot of things away from me, but the thing I kept (and am proud of now) was my dignity. There is nothing I look back on and think, 'I wish I hadn't done that'. My peace of mind, my integrity, is more important than his, or the OW's. I don't have anything to regret. I hope he will one day regret how he behaved to me, if not what he did. But that's not in my control.

Some wonderful answers. I agree with them all - summarised very nicely by twomin

I want to hear your anecdotes

I'm sure you do indeed, lazy journo

I was tempted to tell her the truth about a few things he'd lied to her about. But honestly after a while I just couldn't be bothered, I want no part of any of it. It was all very seedy really. I had a thread here the 'ow' was a spotty teenager. Sometimes you're best off out of it all and thinking of yourself.

Got him to sign over the house in full. You can fuck off with your new squeeze but you'll be starting over again from scratch.

Also sent OW (a former friend) an email briefly stating he never disclosed his affair, it was discovered. She'll never truely know if he would have actually 'chosen' her or if he just needed to keep it wet.

tracked down ex and organised a mutual agreement with him whereby, amongst other points, he gave up parental rights.

You can’t give up parental rights.

You can lose them.
You can have your child over to SS
Place you child up for adoption

But you can’t just give up parental rights!

Made friends with OW, went for a carvery, both left with a doggy bag of food and posted the soggy left overs through his letter box on the way home.

God knows why. I was 16.

I’m too much of a psycho. If my husband cheated on my I’d probably just kill him.

He did put my ex through a patio door once though. That was nice.

@BlancheM Ha! I couldn't help but lol at that.

I have had utter revenge on him because in the 4 years since leaving him I have done a masters, got a really good job and bought a lovely house. All on my own two feet and he HATES it because he always thought I needed him. I've shown him I don't need anyone actually. And that is the best revenge I've ever had on anyone.

This post makes me want to jump up and cheer! You're awesome, HidingintheBath

When I heard they'd broken up, I commiserated with him in an honestly friendly manner and said he'd soon find another girl, as he's decent-looking. (He is, it's his character that will put them off!) I said that if he didn't fancy OLD he should come out with me and my bf one Saturday night - maybe even meet one of my bf's exes, as they are all rather pretty.

He'd honestly be welcome to come along, and I wasn't saying it to be horrible, but I do think he might feel a tiny bit silly now. I haven't exacted my revenge but I have got it. Being a decent person and moving on (with time) while very patently not looking back is quite enough, I think. Be careful not to do anything that makes you cringe later, basically.

Discovered later that she'd cheated on him. I don't believe in karma, but, well, when you do something crap it sometimes does happen to swing back and hit you in the face.

Nothing, absolutely nothing

The best revenge is your happiness 🤷🏼‍♀️