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Original poster

Revenge on Ex and OW, Would you?

112 replies

Pocketcalculator · 16/11/2018 08:38

So those of us who have been cheated on, did you exact revenge at all? Whether it be low lying passive aggressive or full on sewing dead fish in the curtains and keying cars? I want to hear your anecdotes and I'd like to hear from those who wouldn't go down that path. I'm quite fresh out of being cheated on and have found out the OW has quite swiftly got her feet under the table and into my bed. I knew it would happen, but I'm so fucking angry with the ex and the OW for the way they have conducted themselves and the effect it has had on my DD. So far I have blocked them and want to get on with my life, but on recent news about them, I am feeling quite vengeful.

Would you?

OP posts:
MaryJenson · 16/11/2018 22:54

Oh I’ve done loads of things to OW.

I wouldn’t want her life as she must now live in fear of the affair coming back to bite her on the arse. She has a choice obviously, she could tell her DH the truth.

RaspberryBeret34 · 16/11/2018 23:07

I did nothing, bent over backwards to assist him to have contact with our 1 yr old DC, gave him the house and took no maintenance. I don’t regret any of it as they (ex and dc) now have a great relationship which I feel is worth it. I did have my own assets so was never destitute.

OW and ex seem to have split but I just ignored her presence from the beginning (we lived very near each other in a village) and hoped if anything she’d be a stabilising influence on ex and/or an extra person to be there for dc. So, I agree with those who say moving on is the best option. Do what’s best for you and the DC, nothing else matters.

2018anewstart · 16/11/2018 23:11

All I did was send my husband at the time and the OW a long email when i discovered their affair for the second time! I got everything off my chest that I wanted to say to her and him. He was lying to her as much as he was to me and by some of the things I was able to write she would know that and she would also know she was always his second choice and it was me who told him to go. Thought this would provide a nice basis for them to start their new relationship on! On the plus side I never and still don't feel the need to contact either of them ever again as I got all my grievances off my chest in one go and could look forward to moving on with my life.

puddled2 · 16/11/2018 23:51

Absolutely not ... couldn't be arsed

SugarAndSpiceAndEverythingNice · 18/11/2018 00:03

I always thought about it but because still cares for him i never went through with it but the stupid asshole pushed me to far, so his letters where still coming to my house when we split so I did I sent a picture of it opened (He said I could) and instead of typing back he sent me a picture of him at another woman's house!!! Sat in bedroom It broke me so I thought F**K you haha and I grassed him up for tax fraud he owes thousand and it's been done as a deduction of earnings straight from his wages and I don't regret it at all our child thinks he doesn't care as he no longer comes and see him

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 00:53

If I had an absolutely awesome, fool proof way to get them back good and proper, absolutely I would.

In my case though karma got them back in time... I was cheated in twice by the same person, both OW went on to get married to other people and have families only to have it all come crashing down on them in bitter break ups. Last I heard both are still single and miserable at how their happily ever after turned out... So karma got there in the end, I just hope their misery lasts a lifetime.

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 01:01

Anyway, a while after she got married and I had an affair with her husband.

I guess if you are prepared to have an affair with someone yourself even after you had it done to you, I guess it was just karma getting you back in reverse.

Not really the kind of revenge I'd be prepared to commit or even admit to.

badgeronabicycle · 18/11/2018 01:28

No. It was an unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship and after I'd got over the shock of the betrayal I was glad to see the back of him. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I doubt I'd ever have had the courage to leave him myself, so he and OW did me a favour really.
OW stole several thousand pounds from him before leaving him for someone else 4 months after we split anyway. Karma.

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 07:50

Toomany I don't believe in karma so karma 'in reverse' is a bit of a stretch!
The husband kept pursuing me on social media (and I wasn't the only one) he was relentless and when I saw who he'd married, my moral compass malfunctioned. Oh well. Me and her are cordial now as our paths later crossed thanks to our children and we both know that all the blame falls to the men ultimately. Yes, she was a pain and yes I didn't have to give in but it's the men who were originally at fault. Life is strange.
I feel very at ease admitting to it here, I'm not you.

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 08:20

my moral compass malfunctioned

Obviously. Interesting how you justify it... But I guess all OW and cheaters do, right.

I'm not you
Oh I never implied you were. I have way more self esteem and self worth than to enter into something like that... I was never a believer in karma either but I see it play out so often... Case in point. I'm sure you'll keep getting yours :)

AsleepAllDay · 18/11/2018 08:43

I don't think it's seen as a karmic success if he cheats because the man is a 'prize' but a) that creates an unhappy dynamic in their relationship as the ex wife or girlfriend had to live with too and b) it's just vindication

Plenty of cheating men like to pretend that their wife or SO 'made' them stray because she's so horrible etc, I'm sure women on this thread can chime in with the gaslighting they had to face

So for the dog to be up to his old tricks is just satisfying because you know how unhappy they are & also the lies he would have fed everyone bullshit

It's not the nicest way to feel good but honestly, it's valid

VictoriaBun · 18/11/2018 08:49

Reader...... I murdered him.

Not really !

MaryJenson · 18/11/2018 08:50

I certainly makes me feel good when an opportunity arises for me to .... not get revenge as such, but just make OW feel uncomfortable, scared or undermined.
It’s not always something she’s aware of but ultimately it harms her reputation or makes her life more difficult.
This obviously doesn’t dominate my life and I would never set out to do anything, but occasionally the opportunity arises and I take it.

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 09:02

Toomany if you believe in karma, both me and the woman involved are now happily remarried, have a lovely day :)

summertimeblues2 · 18/11/2018 09:17

OW was absolutely vile to myself and my DC, so I sent her copies of DH bank statements which showed he'd joined up to Thaicupid.com for the 9 months she was pregnant with their "accidental" pregnancy.

He's since dumped her and new baby and lives a lonely life abroad, knowing that his teen children think he's a dick.

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 09:24

both me and the woman involved are now happily remarried

Lucky you, you both sound like absolute gems :)

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 09:28

Toomany I can only speak for myself but my self esteem which you referred to earlier is high enough to recognise that, yes, I am. I certainly don't go stalking about internet boards to sanctimoniously tick off strangers for past decisions they made when they were single and as a result of other people's actions towards them.

OllyBJolly · 18/11/2018 09:39

I did, and I regret it. She is a lovely woman who fell for the "It's been over for years, we're only together for the children" line, despite me becoming pregnant while the affair was going on. She had no commitment to me; any blame sat squarely with him. I wanted him - our family- back together again and didn't realise he was the one who had split it up, not her.

I did apologise to her, and she was lovely about it.

Workreturner · 18/11/2018 09:44

@OllyBJolly

What did you do?!

TooManyPuppies · 18/11/2018 10:02

I certainly don't go stalking about internet boards to sanctimoniously tick off strangers for past decisions they made when they were single and as a result of other people's actions towards them

Wow I ticked you off without even trying? Awesome. I don't stalk anyone. I read threads of interest. If those contain self righteous clowns who go around having affairs and cheating then I'll call them out. IMO there is never an excuse for it, single or not, but those who do it will sit and justify it any way they can because they know its wrong deep down but don't want to admit the error.

Still makes you person of low morals and with no self respect. I'm sure you're aware of it hence the continual back chat full of defence.

You don't need to keep justifying it though, you've made your position clear... Enjoy your day :)

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 10:37

This gave me a giggle! I didn't say you stalked anyone, then again it's clear you didn't read any of my posts properly. I have nothing to justify let alone to you, whoever you may be. You're most welcome to your ill-informed opinions, may they fill you with positivity and happiness :)

Hogglesballs · 18/11/2018 11:40

Sorry I think the revenge that includes having an affair with the other peson's partner is low, do you not have any dignity? Also what do you mean he was 'relentless'? That's the worst excuse I've ever heard.

Also no, after my partner had an affair which was one of the most painful things after a close family death I left them to it. Keep your dignity and move on. Why stoop to scumbag level?

BlancheM · 18/11/2018 11:48

It's not an excuse it's a fact. He kept trying it on relentlessly so normally when I delete messages, I let him carry on after I realised who he'd married- the woman who made my pregnancy hell. He'd sought me out after hearing her talk about me. He was sleeping with several people. I thought, 'fuck it'. Not my proudest moment and apologies have been made many years ago after it happened. Everyone is at peace with it.
As for the men, me and my children have been treated like shit in the past so I cut the men loose and move on without a backwards glance. Dignity fully intact.

N0b0dysMot · 18/11/2018 11:53

Same story as @hidinginthebath and it is a good feeling. Not that i see mysrlf thru his eyes but still. I was not the useless person he told me i was.

Joysmum · 18/11/2018 11:58

I wouldn’t go out of my way got revenge but if an opportunity arose then yes I would. This way it doesn’t consume you and you can still continue to live you life well to thrive and move on.

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