Partner that constantly complains

[MagicFlyingPony]

Does anyone have any tips for living with someone that complains a lot? I want to stay in the relationship as he does have some good points but I don't think I can take the moaning anymore. I spend the evenings after dinner in a different room now as I just can't take the constant negativity.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day...

Had the usual moan about work upon arriving home
Complained about the hard boiled egg I'd made for his lunch, apparently it "tasted like shit" because I'd had trouble peeling it and it still had that funny little membrane that sits under the shell and he is "never eating any of my eggs again".
Then complained most of the way through dinner, the sausages were "tasteless" and "tasted of nothing" (they were Tesco Finest Cumberland Sausages and tasted quite nice to me), he didn't like the taste of the cabbage and it was not pre-cut into small enough strips (he didn't eat most of that).
I think he then realised I was sending him death glares after the fourth or fifth dinner-related complaint so said "thank you for dinner darling" in a sickly sweet voice and did make me a cup of tea after dinner.
Then complained that the kitchen floor is still dirty (it is, but we both live here, we both work, I do more than 50% of the house work and he hadn't cleaned it either).
Complained about feeling cold the whole evening, didn't bother putting a jumper on though.
I had left a box of his clean clothes on the bed for him to put away, he complained it was too late in the evening to put things away so I said fine, do it another day then and moved it to the floor. Then he complained that he will trip over it in the night if it is left there, even though it wasn't really in the way, so I moved it to the foot of the bed. Then he complained that he will trip over it even more there so I put it on the chair in the bedroom which is piled high with his clothes that he has worn once and thinks he might want to wear again. Then he complained that he didn't want his clothes to get squashed/messed up (even though they are in a massive messy pile) so I moved it again.

Any tips for getting the complaining to stop? Not sure how much more I can take...

I agree with @Sole.
I realised my relationship is like this through Mumsnet but I am still in it .
Do not know how much longer I can take it .
( known partner for 33 years )

I bloody hope you didn't make his lunch for him today????
Why did YOU keep moving HIS clothes around????
Him: I'll trip over them there.
You: And...???? Put them away then, or move them to somewhere you won't trip over them!

Honestly OP. If there are no kids and you aren't married then this is a total no-brainer.
This will be your life!
For years and decades to come.
You are enabling this. Why?
Is it because he is a MAN and we, as women, must have one to make us happy????
Just dump and run.
There are plenty more out there if you feel you need one to 'complete' you.

But for the love of god, stop pandering to this critical asshole.
Nothing you do will be good enough. EVER!
He will keep moving the goalposts.
Life is short - there are no do-overs!
This is it. Please live it being happy.

SSRainbow, I used to do the ultra-cheery bit but oh my god it's tiring. I LTB instead and now I feel freed from constantly having to put a positive spin on every damn thing (although it's a good habit to be in at work and with DC etc so has maybe done me a favour!).

Funnily enough exH now lives a lifestyle that would be envied by many - lives a single life in a constantly sunny place, big house, new car, good salary, long holidays etc yet manages to bitch and moan about it all the time and self-sabotages continuously. Looks like even though he tried to put all the blame for his unhappiness on to me, it might not have been my fault after all...

Just keep saying, "are you moaning again?, " every time he does it.

This kind of person absolutely zaps my happiness. I have a friend who moans constantly, I can only deal with her in small doses, not a chance I could be married to a miserable fucker.

tell him you're very sorry they're in his way and throw them out of the window.

This made me laugh so much, I have no idea why I found it so funny

But yeah i echo pretty much everyone in this thread, complaining about "stuff" is annoying, complaining about the services you provide him wtf? who the hell does he think he is, stop being his servant!!

Is he like this all the time?

My Dp can be a bit moany. Very rarely and usually when he is very ill or tired. But he also catches himself on after an hour's or so and apologises.

It's very rare it happens, when it does I find it funny. Because I know I can moan when I am ill or tired too.

Honestly, if I had been you OP, I would have lost my temper earlier in the night. I certainly wouldn't have been shift that box around while he moaned.

Why did you keep moving a box of his stuff, if he wasn't happy where it was?

I couldn’t tolerate this for a second. Not one. I can’t abide moaning or whining from grown adults. Especially not when they can solve the problem themselves. I’d keep asking “what’s wrong now?” every time he started.

If you must stay with him (why you would I have no idea) then please start saying something EVERY time he starts.

1st moan - Aha... and the funsucking begins - great!!
2nd moan - more funsucking - are you done for the night now?
3rd moan - and more funsucking - are you going to have any happy moments at all this evening?
4th moan - and the funsucking continues - why don't you go to bed?
And continue - and continue and continue.
But honestly - I'd be gone.
Life is way too fucking short for this kinda shit!

quite enlightening. I don't think my H has actually ever put his clothes away himself. Clearly I do far too much

Jesus wept. Don't put up with this. I'd seriously have upended that box on his head.

First off he is extremely cheeky for dissing your cooking unbelievably ungrateful, don't cook for him no more let him cook for himself.

TBH insulting my cooking is unusual behaviour (that day was particularly bad hence why I had taken to mumsnet to vent, it was the first and hopefully the last time he's ever described something I cooked as "tasting like shit") but he does have form for moaning a lot about general stuff.

Had a bit of an argument yesterday when he complained about 3 things within a couple of minutes arriving home (there was junk mail in the spot he likes to put his keys, I don't explain dates properly and the fridge smells) and I told him I was sick of it. I told him I was upset about what he'd said about my cooking, he said I was being "oversensitive" and he was "just being honest" and that I was trying to "control what he was allowed to say". The turning point came when I asked if he would say those things to his friend and a very small voice replied "no". So I asked why then he thought it was acceptable to say those things to me and he said he didn't know. Then "maybe I was being rude"...

Anyway he was a bit sulky for a while longer but when I got upstairs the box had been removed to the spare room and he was suggesting he takes on more of the cooking (currently I do the vast majority of this). Also generally he was happier and more positive. I should add that one of his good points is that, when he says he will do something he does it without nagging so I do believe this will actually happen.

Today I came home to downstairs loo cleaned, sink cleaned, surfaces wiped down, an offer to cook dinner and clothes put away. I did dinner as the meal I had planned is not something he can cook without me standing over giving instructions every step of the way but he did dessert and loaded dishwasher. Complimented me on the meal and admitted he was in a bad mood yesterday and day before and said "maybe there was something wrong with my taste..." (he denies having a cold but he obviously does have one as he is coughing, complaining of being tired, has been restless the last few nights etc). He's also suggested a plan of the meals he will prepare over the next week.

He started a new job a month ago and is finding it quite stressful, the department was left in a bad state and a lot of issues have come to light that he is having to sort. I don't think it's fair to take out work related stress on me though and I have told him this.

And whoever asked if he is good in the sack - the answer is yes actually he really is - but on bad moan days sex doesn't happen as I find it a total turn off.

He seems to be back on track for now but I am tucking away suggestions from this thread for when the moaning inevitably starts again.