Prostitutes....

[HollyLM]

What do you do if you discover a partner had escorts to the house when you were away, but says they only 'chatted?'

And now they are making all the effort in the world to make things right?

He is a risk taker, which means he will always put you and your daughter's well being at risk and last; I cannot believe the amount of threads you have made about him, why on earth do you feel you only deserve this scum, and please get your daughter away from all of that, it's disgusting, ffs, you are only 30 years old, get a grip and grow up and have a life you can enjoy and be the best parent.

And op won't come back to the thread ?
Until the next time...

I know some people say it's bad form. I disagree in certain cases; people need to be aware of the full history on which to base their advice (or decide to save their breath).

I hate to think of someone putting up with this blatant lack of respect and reckless behaviour. It’s hard leaving because of your dreams for the future, I know that, but the dreams and plans are based on lies

I'm still here, so it's not a case of I won't be making any other comments on here at all. In fact this situation is something that has weighed extremely heavy on me for quiet some time, as you can tell from my previous threads people like to highlight.

I've spent all evening and all day so far reading your comments and I take them all on board and extremely seriously. As I have on previous threads.

I'm sure may can relate when you know something is wrong but so is the fear of the unknown. Of course I know what I need to do, but sometimes when you feel like your are loosing faith you reach out to others.

Perhaps having grown up with a father not too far different from my partner has caused me to hold on and on again for the sake of knowing the pain of not having a father at home 7 days a week. We're all human. But yes I've given chance after chance and I've always said that as long as I can tell my daughter I tried, I'll feel satisfied. I've made many plans and set things up to end by the end of the week. Sometimes anxiety just takes over and having others reassure me that what I feel is right, has been my only fix. So apologies for all the other posts.

I'm not stupid, I know he didn't just chat to these women and that in turn has broken me. I'm not perfect, but I feel in love with a man who I thought was my future and yes it feels terribly upsetting to know that through no fault of my own I will have to walk away.

Meeting another man isn't a priority of mine so perhaps I have been mistaken. But becoming a mum has been the most amazing thing that has ever happened and I have truly been blessed with what I call my little BF. Because of this I have a burning desire to have more in the future, I just love being a mum! That's were my fear of not meeting anyone and having more comes from. I want my DD to have that family/home life in the future...... that's all.

But yes for now I know I need to put her first, like I always have. I've just make the mistake of trying to cling on in hope I can change my partners behaviour because their relationship is simply beautiful. I can't do anymore that what I have so Yes I will be leaving.

Thank you for all your comments xx

Oh heavens, however scary you think being alone will be, being with him sounds way more scary to me.
The family life you want your DD to have - this is NOT it. A future with a mum who loves her and keeps her and herself safe and respected is way more valueable.
But 30 is no way too old to meet someone else. My DD split up with her partner at 28, and had to come home to us. The first thing she decided was that she was spending at least a year man-free to prove to herself that she could and to heal. And as she is disabled and has awful health problems meeting someone new would never be easy. She has a new partner atm, but is determined to keep her independence within the partnership (something she feels she lost due to disability with her fist partner) - she bought herself an electric wheelchair and arranged her own official carers so that she doesn't have to put a partner in the position of carer. Her confidence took a massive knock when she was dumped, basically for being disabled, and replaced with a healthy model (while she was still in the relationship I might add) so she has had, and continues to have counselling. I see her growing in self-belief all the time.
Please leave, get some counselling, and learn to have some faith in YOU. It will take time, but starting is the hardest part.

the fact that your father was like this is no surprise. We get drawn to what we are most familiar with.

But that doesn't mean you deserve this life. Believe me, being single is so much better than being with a man who takes and deals drugs and who sleeps with prostitutes behind your back. I know reading that it sounds very simple but you are obviously drawn to the drama.

I would suggest you go to counselling if you can as you need to unravel this before you fall for the next chancer which is exactly what will happen.

Please think what example you're setting for your daughter. Do you want her to be with men like this? Because that's the life you're creating for her now and she could very easily make the same mistakes as you.

The family life you want your DD to have - this is NOT it. A future with a mum who loves her and keeps her and herself safe and respected is way more valueable.

This in spades.

Changes in life are scary, they are scary for us all. Please go and see a good counsellor, they wont 'force' you to do anything, but will help you get your thought straight and be less scared about the future.

That dream life is definitely not going to happen if you stay with that disgusting bastard.

To have any chance of nice house, more kids, happy life you need to leave him pronto.

Ugh, just hearing about him makes me want to vomit then take a bath in bleach.

He’ll fuck protistutes while he’s high with your daughter asleep in the next room if you give him half a chance.

"I'd wonder why my partner thought I was such an idiot, then tell them to leave."

This pretty much!

I'd feel insulted he thought I was that thick.

Probably vomit in response to the violation of our home inc our bed, at the realisation I'd been with a man who cared so little for women that he was happy to sleep with a woman who is likely exploited, abused and desperate (and therefore unable to truly consent making him essentially a rapist!)

Kick him out.

Fumigate the place!

Book a full Sti screening.

And he's a drug user too? You and dd are far better off without him.

So sorry you've been treated so badly. Awful situation.

I've had so many counselling sessions - weekly in fact!

It's his house so I have to leave - that's alright though. I've accepted this.

He resorts to drugs if I leave for some 'space' and he's on his own - PATHETIC!

HIs family know everything and they just seem to let him get away with it!

His family don’t live with him though you do! I really hope you do it this time, stop selling yourself short and your child, you don’t need scum like that either of you, there’s nothing else left to find out so start making your exit plan 👍

HollyLM I have been in your situation. However, I stuck it out (stupidly - I think I had PTSD and didn't have the capacity to think straight!). Although I have a daughter now, I deeply regret staying. I found out a few years later that it was all still going on. I am now leaving. I feel my life has been ruined by him, and I am on the brink of a mental breakdown. I was told in an indirect way that it was my fault. I still believe today that I was to blame for his behaviour, despite having on-going counselling. He also continues to lie and will never tell me the truth - I think he is ill - he doesn't know how to admit the truth to himself. The whole prostitute/escort thing is about control - knowing that he can 'buy' women with money. He also loves to feel in control of his little empire - this means more to him then his family. The things that have kept me going are ChumpLady and Mumsnet, as well as writing my thoughts down in a diary which I can refer back to when I start feeling guilty. I am currently writing down instances of unreasonable behaviour for my divorce, and seeing the reasons in black and white has made me think WTF have I been putting-up with all these years! You will never be happy if you remain with him. He will ruin your life. You are still very young and have the whole of your life ahead of you! I wish you luck x

Hi @Creamontop - anyway of chatting outside of Netmums?

You could try Mumsnet?

Ha! There you go.... brain is so frazzled at the mo!

Hi HollyLM - yes, of course, just send me a PM

You know how you say "Perhaps having grown up with a father not too far different from my partner has caused me to hold on and on again".

Would you want this kind of relationship for your daughter? You realise you're recreating the same relationship dynamic of your parents and modelling that to her - do you want her to repeat this as an adult? I hope you don't, and you're motivated to change it for her. It's not just your own future, but hers.

You must sit down with him and ask what he is prepared to do for you and your child, financially and otherwise. Tell him it's over but you want the parting to be smooth. He may be reasonable or even generous, you are the mother of his child and have been with him a few years.

Good luck.