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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s done it again

76 replies

Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 00:15

I am such a fool! I cannot believe I allowed myself to fall for his shit again.

Was seeing a guy and after a few month he called things off as he wasn’t ready...we stayed in contact as friends (with the off meet up) about three weeks ago he got back in touch found out I was dating and told me he wanted us to try again ‘we had something special’ but he only wanted ya to date exclusively not date anyone else.

So since then we’ve seen each other twice a week all good...stayed at his last night and when we woke this morning I could just tell something was off. He was quite snappy with me but then when I was leaving pulled me in for a hug and kiss. Few brief texts today yet he’s been online constantly.

I text him tonight and asked was all ok he was dry in his reply saying he was just flat out in work (yet I seen he was online constantly but I didn’t say this to him) I told him that if things were getting too much for him again we could just leave things but I’d just rather know.

His reply was. ‘ I will tell you of they are, my heads all Over the place been thinking alot. I'm going to bed i will ring you tomorrow‘

It’s quite obvious he’s done with us again and I’m more mad at me for thinking he’d be different this time 😩

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 09/11/2018 00:23

Or - something else may be going on in his life, not related to you...
Work, family, friends - who knows.

If I were you - i’d focus less on his moods and checking in on the status of him/you - and more on yourself and your own life.
No one likes needy and insecure companion. But a confident and happy one attracts people.

So - focus on yourself and don’t chase him. Let him chase you.

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 00:27

It’s like he reels me in...at the start I was laid back if I didn’t reply back to him I’d get a message asking why I was ignoring him and how much he missed me etc. Then as soon as we get to that stage where I am opening up to him a bit more he backs off it’s hurtful and confusing

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 09/11/2018 01:48

Yep, I've been there OP. Future fakers. They like to be the ones to be in control. They give you enough to reel you in. When they have had enough, they bail. It is hurtful and confusing, I agree. Don't be swayed by him again as it won't get any better.

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 08:11

Apparently he’s gonna ring me today...I will await his call which I’m 99% sure won’t happen.

I really want to tell him in a way that doesn’t make me sound crazy how nasty he has been. I’ve been through a shitty year which he knew about and I actually thought he cared

OP posts:
TimeToRevolutionize · 09/11/2018 08:14

Just end it and move on. Yes it will probably hurt but it will not last long as you probably already know and experienced. The way I see it now is that you have one life to live. Do not live it by worrying and wondering whether this guy is right for you or why he is acting the way he is. Focus on yourself.

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 08:59

When I’ve ended it before he has accused me of over reacting he’s online now feel like just having it out with him but will probably come across crazy

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 09/11/2018 09:04

He's a mind fucker. Seriously, do not waste any more time on him. He gets off and fucking with you. He only did this latest because he found out you're dating. He wants a harem, someone in thrall to him. The blowing hot and cold is classic. Honestly just fuck him off. 'I really don't have space for someone who's moody, blows hot and cold and plays mind games. I'm out. Bye' and then you delete, block and move on. It should be this much drama so early on. Fuck that.

dontalltalkatonce · 09/11/2018 09:04

When I’ve ended it before he has accused me of over reacting

He's a twat. It'll never be his fault. It's always the other party's fault because he's perfect.

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 09:10

I feel like ringing him and asking him out right what is going on

OP posts:
Katgurl · 09/11/2018 09:14

People like him are draining. All he wants is attention and validation from you. If you explain yourself to him he will thrive on all the attention.

If at all possible I would ignore him from now based on him already making you uneasy (fool me once...). He's not making you happy. I know it's a cliche but that's really all that counts.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/11/2018 09:17

Keep your powder dry.

Don't chase him. Don't text him. Don't msg him. Definitely don't call him.

Wait and see if he does actually ring you. If he doesn't, then you've got the answer. If he does, maybe he genuinely does have something to say.

But I suspect your spidey senses are right. Keep your head held high.

(I know it's fucking horrible, so Flowers for you).

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 09:23

Oh I just got a ‘morning x’ text

I replied are you feeling better and he replied ‘very tired have to work’ it’s those type of short, dismissive messages that he’s done before so I just asked him outright why the cold behaviour if he’s not feeling it that’s fine just say I don’t wanna waste anymore of my time

No phonecall though which I always got on his way to work

OP posts:
findingmywaytoday · 09/11/2018 09:34

There could be a genuine reason, but from past experience when people did this it was usually because they were still actively looking /chatting with other people and would distance themselves whilst maintaining some contact and then attempt (without success) to work their way back if things didn't work out. Hope I'm wrong op. Also if he leaves you to stew all day it shows a lack of caring.

eggncress · 09/11/2018 09:36

Just end it again OP.... he’s feeding you crumbs in an attempt to keep you keen, make you anxious and get you to chase him.
Don’t waste your time. He’s on an ego trip.

Ignore him and move on.

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 10:02

A reply

‘My thoughts are going into overdrive...I get to a certain point and then I be unsure of what I want I can’t help it aorry’

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 09/11/2018 10:06

Don't reply to that. Just ignore it.

findingmywaytoday · 09/11/2018 10:27

Sorry op but if he truly really liked you he wouldn't have this "angst" and he would call you rather than send you a pathetic text like that. It reads as someone trying to keep you interested enough just in case it doesn't work out with whoever is currently pursuing. I really wouldn't bother replying.

LateNightReaderer · 09/11/2018 10:33

’My thoughts are going into overdrive...I get to a certain point and then I be unsure of what I want I can’t help it aorry’

Best to just leave it then.

If you feel like a fool now, imagine how you’d feel falling for it a third time!

ChristmasFluff · 09/11/2018 11:13

This relationship is making you unhappy. Would you like a lifetime of it? It's not going to change, so it's this forever, or dump and move on. Sounds a pretty easy choice to me.....

Babymammy · 09/11/2018 11:25

I agree don't reply to that message ! Act cool and calm like u don't care, even though ur seething.

Don't waste ur time and don't allow him too Flowers

Original poster
Spotthefool88 · 09/11/2018 11:26

I replied
🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I told him that Thats is done then and I didn’t appreciate how he was messing me around and this time to fully leave me alone no third chances...his reply

‘I’m not messing you around I’m
Being upfront and honest why is it straight to we are done we are having a discussion’

OP posts:
ShonesM · 09/11/2018 11:29

Sounds very similar to a guy I recently broke up with. A relationship like this is draining and you are always wondering/waiting for the text that will arrive ending it!

My advice OP is end things. If he truely wanted to be with you it really isn’t that hard. And don’t look at his online status - it will drive you crazy!

Butterymuffin · 09/11/2018 11:32

DO NOT REPLY NOW. You're not 'having discussion': he's having a self-justifying moan at you and you don't have to listen. He needs to understand that you are not available to him anymore, not to reply to texts, not for anything.

DaffoDeffo · 09/11/2018 11:35

tooold that's a great term, Future Fakers. Didn't know there was a term for men like this! I also saw someone like this for a very short time. It's absolutely exhausting. You have to walk away from it. It sucks you in like a vortex and it's very hard to pull away from it but believe me, you will feel 1000x better once you put him out of your life!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/11/2018 11:36

DO NOT REPLY NOW. You're not 'having discussion': he's having a self-justifying moan at you and you don't have to listen.

^ THIS! Please do not reply. You're worth more than being messed around by this self-pitying arse.

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