He’s done it again

[Spotthefool88]

I am such a fool! I cannot believe I allowed myself to fall for his shit again.

Was seeing a guy and after a few month he called things off as he wasn’t ready...we stayed in contact as friends (with the off meet up) about three weeks ago he got back in touch found out I was dating and told me he wanted us to try again ‘we had something special’ but he only wanted ya to date exclusively not date anyone else.

So since then we’ve seen each other twice a week all good...stayed at his last night and when we woke this morning I could just tell something was off. He was quite snappy with me but then when I was leaving pulled me in for a hug and kiss. Few brief texts today yet he’s been online constantly.

I text him tonight and asked was all ok he was dry in his reply saying he was just flat out in work (yet I seen he was online constantly but I didn’t say this to him) I told him that if things were getting too much for him again we could just leave things but I’d just rather know.

His reply was. ‘ I will tell you of they are, my heads all Over the place been thinking alot. I'm going to bed i will ring you tomorrow‘

It’s quite obvious he’s done with us again and I’m more mad at me for thinking he’d be different this time 😩

You’re certainly glutton for punishment OP 😕

Honestly, just block him. It shouldn't be this hard on the beginning. He's attention seeking and just using you for an ego boost.

Bin it off.

I’m not replying now taking myself out leaving my phone at home it’s hard I want to rant at him. He seems to like to rewrite history and forgets he wanted this but he gets on like I’ve forced it

Have a very busy weekend planned so hopefully that will help take my mind off

Honestly he’s obviously messing you around. Maintain your dignity and stop interacting. Any contact from your side will just boost his ego and leave you feeling deflated.

Good reply. The hard part is sticking to that!

Why do they do it though

I’m a nice person I’ve been lovely to him he knew my history like he could have just left me be. I think it’s quite nasty

He enjoyed the sex and the ego massage.

It’s great you’re a nice person but you should also be guarded when it comes to investing your emotions in somebody new. And acknowledge that at any time, that person gets to choose to walk away if they want to, and you have to know you can pick yourself up and carry on.

Glad you've got a busy weekend planned. Hope you have lots of fun and forget this loser.

I think he was being honest actually, he's one of those people who always wants what he doesn't have. Once he's got it he doesn't really want it any more, so it's on to the next challenge.

You sound sensible OP, a second chance was a reasonable thing to give him.

Ghost him. He is a mind-tripping drama llama. Get the book 'Why Does He Do That?' It's about control, melodrama and general immaturity. And the 'I'm just being honest' and variations of this ('This is how I am, take it or leave it' 'I believe in telling it like it is') are all forms of deflecting responsibility from themselves.

Now you've said it, you can't go back on it. Ghost.

Someone once said to me a second chance as someone has been stupid is good, a third chance makes you the stupid one! Well done OP, there's someone out there worth the effort.

I’m just gonna say it - he’s just not that into you.

He also sounds like an entitled twat.

Stop.feeding.his.ego.

He does not deserve you xx

OP - I don’t know how old any of you are or how things went in your previous relationship.
There are two sides to a relationship. You are seing only yours, and your insecurities are coming into it - it’s so pulpable.

What he is sayin - is that things are happening and he is also busy.
And he is just being honest.

And it seems that you and him are incompatible. You seem to need a constant level of reassurance.
And analyse his messages and call frequency.
Life isn’t like that. People can get stressed and be busy. And not think about ‘the relationship’ 100% of the time. Especially if they are young and are focused on career or other things.
And someone who keeps demanding some sort of reassurance and take any sign of ‘less then meeting expectation on communication/reassurance’ as the sign of thing being over - are hard to be with.

You need to meet someone else. Really.

Hi josuk we are mid 30s not sure if you read the full thread but my original thoughts were right he is having cold feet again so not sure what you mean

No one needs that kind of crap in their life. Bin him and find someone who doesn't play games.

Ugh and now I’m crying over him

I’m sorry OP.

It’s shit. He isn’t worth your tears. He’s a stupid dick that likes messing people around and it’s no reflection on you. Stay strong and pretty soon you’ll be looking back thinking that fuck I got away from that twat.

OP - you need to give your head a wobble and stop indulging in a self-pity fest. You have your whole wonderful life ahead of you. Lots of adventures to come. Call your girfriends and make plans for tonight and this weekend. Do things you enjoy. It's your ego that feels bruised by rejection. Tell your ego that you don't need an unavailable twat in your life.
The woman who ends up with him next is welcome to him - he'll do the same thing to her. He liked you. He liked the attention. But he isn't the man for you. Go find someone better and block/delete/move on.

@Spotthefool88

I have read your thread and - to me - you seem too full on, too pressuring, too needy - at an early stage of a relationship....

Cold feet? About what? What level of commitment are you expecting?
Relationships need time to develop. You want it to go faster than he is ready for.

That’s why I said - I don’t think you and him work. He didn’t have the same urgency and wants it to develop at a different speed. You need a faster progression.

It doesn’t have a chance. Not because he or you being in the wrong.
But because you want/need different things.

In your age group - it happens all the time. Women start feeling pressure of needing to settle down and having kids in the near future. And men not having quite the same pressure.

Josuk you sound like a bloke? Not a terribly emotionally mature one at that.

OP move on, he just wants to know he can have you, doesn’t want anyone else to have you, but when he’s got you and there’s no thrill of the chase anymore he gets bored. Don’t waste any more of your precious life on him

Josuk the op's opening message explained he went cold after a few months of dating, then got in contact 3 weeks ago saying he wanted to try again because there was something special BUT that "he only wanted ya to date exclusively not date anyone else." So it was him, not the OP pushing for commitment but has once again gone cold. Given the above your statements that it is the op that has pushed for commitment / is rushing things are bizarre.

All the op has asked for given his conduct to date is some respect, that doesn't make her needy. All she wants to know is where she stands given he has asked her to be exclusive - why should she refrain from dating whilst he mulls things over? She isn't a toy to be picked up and dropped at will.

Sorry you're going through this op. There are decent people out there!

I’d guess that the only reason he wanted you back was because you’d started seeing someone else. He clearly likes the chase or not being too comfortable. Not worth the heartache.

I only sound as a man because I am expressing a different opinion, happens all the time. Go agains main consensus and ‘you are a man’ is wheeled in.

After a few months of dating - and coming back - sure.
He wasn’t breaking up with the OP. He wasn’t texting in a way she expected, or calling at the time she thought he was supposed to.
She asked him - are we still ok.
He said - yes, stressed and busy.
She proceeded to assume he is ‘having cold feet’ 🤷🏻‍♀️....

Is it not possible - that something else is happening in his life NOT related to the OP???
And that this constant ‘are we OK’ ‘are you IN’ - can be perceived as needy?

I would be reacting the same way if a guy kept assuming I am leaving - when I am busy with other things and we didn’t know each other that well yet. It’s way too early for commitment and cold feet too.

But - this is how OP is and I keep sayjng - she and him don’t work

Thanks @findingmyway I have been so confused by the comments from josuk.

I remember my first date with this guy I rang my best friend and told her he was really nice but there was something I couldn’t put my finger on about him. I have spent months making excuses for him. He just doesn’t like me enough in that way. Our sex life is amazing and I think that is what keeps him hanging around. But enough I naively want to find someone who I can have days out with and cuddle on the sofa without always always having sex. I know I’m worth more 30 days of no contact starting tomorrow

Josuk youare wrong...i felt a shift in his behaviour and going by his messages today my spidey senses were right he was getting cold feet and had I not called him out on it he would of just contacted me less and less until I was ghosted