Should I stay or should I go?

[Sarah2302]

Would you stay in an inhappy relationship with your husband who treated you like the paid help because he earns more and who just disrespects you at every turn or do you stay because you have a 2 year old daughter who you don’t want to mess up but will end up loosing your soul as a consequence????

Can I just ask regarding the 30 mins free of help at solicitors do I just ring and ask them for it? Also what would I take, just a breakdown of what we own, how much money we have?

On a funny not my DD(she is just 2) keeps saying her a**hole is sore, what she is trying to say is her eye sore!!🤣🤣🤣

Ring round to find out who offers a free first consultation as some do and some don’t.

Do a spreadsheet or table listing all of your assets (don’t forget pensions) creditors, and outgoings with a subtotal under each. I would also try to copy everything you can as proof for down the process but your solicitor won’t need that on the first appointment.

It would also help gif you to write a short explanation of your relationship eg how long together, kids, impact on your work etc.

30 mins goes so quickly so I personally would hand that in to the solicitor a few days before your appointment in the hope they will have read and digested it outside of that 30 mins. You want to get the most from your time as you can

Well that shows up the fakery of watching all those old videos last night. He has could have spent tomorrow hanging out with his beloved daughter as planned, as expected by her, but nah, bollocks to that, he would rather dump her to hurt you. Total cock. Bad father.

Maybe post under the divorce topic to get top notch advice on all the things to take to the solicitor and what to look for in a solicitor when divorcing an abusive cock.

If he blames you for the break up...
Just say yes, I did all this so you must be happy as you say I am a bad wife you don't want.

All this guilt trip & tears is a trap to wind you back in. He will see his DD so the theatrics are more manipulation
If he is weeping it is because he has got what he deserves.

Thanks guys for all your advice, it’s been helpful and eye opening! Time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself now and get this s**t sorted. There is no going back for me this time!

So this morning he has just said he wants to buy me a car to show me his ‘appreciation’! I don’t want his money. Why is he saying this now! Still I go downstairs and it’s a mess, DD has nappy on from last night, had no breakfast, dishes everywhere, that’s what I wanted help with!!!!

Ask him does the car do washing up and nappy changing?

Then tell him exactly what you have written here!
You cannot buy me off with a car.
I would have been so happy to come down this morning to DD in a new nappy. Happy and fed and the place looking tidy. YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!!
Then leave him to it!
See what he does!?

I did tell him that money is not what I need and now he is sulking in the bath getting short with DD!

Do you ever tell him these things ?

Did you phone the solicitor ?

Yes I tell him over and over and over but he just says I’m nagging now so have stopped asking for help.

I was given the number yest of a solicitor in our area that does the free 30 mins, trying to gather all the info now for a spreadsheet (as suggested)

At the end of the day it doesn’t feel nice me telling him, can you go back and flush the chain, can you pick up your pants, me keep asking can you help me makes me feel pathetic!

God it sounds miserable living like that. Constant reminders are OK for five year olds only.

Have you managed to book time with a solicitor yet?

No I haven’t booked it yet, still wallowing in self pity. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m just so sad that my dad is not here anymore, he was my rock and would have supported me, I miss him so much. He would have been very happy to hear I was ending the relationship. I miss my dads love, I don’t think I will feel it again. 😢

You should go!

You get one life.

Do what your dad would have wanted. For him.

Why do I have feelings of guilt, who are they for? I hate this, going through all the paperwork, who earns what, who pays what it feels so awful.

Ok so an update. I have come to understand that i have been stalling and wanting my H to realise what he has done to me, for some strange kind of reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. What a load of c**p. He will not understand what he has done or he wouldn’t have done it. He watched his dad do it to his mum and now he is doing the same.

So I’ve emailed 3 solicitors for a consultation and arranged a meeting to do my will also!

Well done!! I've recently ended my marriage. If I'd waited for him to acknowledge how badly he treated me I'd have never been able to end it. But yes, I did and still do want him to get how badly he's behaved but it won't happen because if he could do that then he probably wouldn't have treated me so badly in the first place!