Would you leave your Husband if he did this......

[brownie111]

• Tried to snog all of your friends (when drunk)
• Tried it on with your Sister
• Went on a night out, and instead of staying overnight with a male friend as planned, actually stayed at a females flat (although swore nothing happened)
• Would occasionally shove you/kick you, in an argument

BUT

• Earned a lot of money and kept the family in a good lifestyle (financially), so big house, nice cars, holidays etc.

Op of course you did the right thing, like many here l wouldn't tolerate any of those...

As your dcs are adults maybe it is time to explain to them the difficult decisions you have had to face, and help them to realise none of this was your fault. About time they learnt some empathy.

I am all for not bailing out at a difficult patch, and all for putting Dcs first, but NOT in such an abusive situation, not ever.

Kick your guilt right into his cojones, theoretically of course!

There's every chance that a man who is violent to his wife will also be violent to his children, given time. You made sure that they never suffered from his violence- you didn't ruin their childhood, you did all you could to protect it.

If his family think that violent abuse is 'a bit of fun', then there's no guarantee that they would have protected your children's safety either.

Do you feel that it would be helpful for your children to know that you left because of the violence? They are old enough to understand. The violence, and your husbands's appalling treatment of you, are the things that broke up the family- you leaving with the children meant that you were limiting the harm they may have faced.

And if your husband continued to be a high earner, there was nothing to stop him continuing to use that to provide for the children even after you divorced. He withdrew that support, not you.

Sounds a lovely specimen of early man. Maybe I would have him stuffed.

I would not put up with this appalling behaviour and nor should anyone else. It does children no good to grow up in a toxic household. You did absolutely the right thing leaving this twat, and the right thing for your children.

His family are a bunch of arseholes.You have nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe it would benefit you to talk things through with a counsellor?

Staying with a man just because of his money has a name, in my view.

You absolutely did the right thing, for you and your children.

You need to have a grown-up talk with your children at some point.

Meh. Not immediately. I would be using his money to take great care of myself and buying valuable but easy to hide assets like emeralds, little bits or art etc. When I felt my children were old enough to handle a divorce then I would leave.

Yes I would. And anyone who tried to tell me I shouldn't have I'd tell to go fuck themselves. If your children don't agree with you leaving then you need to explain exactly what went on.

100% I'd leave. You did the right thing. His family are idiots.
If you did that with all his friends and brother would they think it was fun? Unlikely...But because you're a woman..It's okay to tolerate. Nonsense.

Why would you stay with an abusive man...who tries it on with your friends and sister.

He thinks women are objects for his pleasure obviously. I'd let my DD know what caused the split if she tries to blame you.

She's old enough to know.

even children from parents who separate as friends feel it.that ecause children just want mummy and daddy forever together.its just that dream isn't it.so the hurt doesn't come from you.it comes from what happened.and how do they let that out...well it can only be on you otherwise who else will they aim it at.
you should never stand for this.never.
they will realise this one day.i expect they already do.
have you ever talked really honestly bout it.they are old enough now to feel and help your hurt and pain too.but you shouldn't hide this.its not like your protecting him from nicking a shirt when he was young.he abused you.if they are be UR then they need to start knoiw the facts.its time you set yourelf free from that.
did they no what he was doing then.because I imagine they felt helpless too and wanted to help if they did.which would have added to it.again not your fault.
you've still got the mindset of an abused and hurt lady.
this wasn't your fault.it happened to you.and that is rough really fecking rough.you need to live your life now free and unweighted by this and him.hes still hurting you otherwise.
ass whole are great actors and good charmers and get all the people on side.but would they accept it if this was happening to their child?would you?nope nope nope.
you were brave and strong and got away.thats a win!you won your life back.
anyone that thinks someone should have put up with this aren't worth your time or worry over.
what would you like to do today?go do it.your free.be happy hunxx

he just had a bit of fun, whereas I broke up a family

He broke up the family. All by his own self.

You did the only right thing OP. Please stop feeling guilty about this. He sounds like an absolute pig of a man.

Brownie have you spoken to your children about how you feel?

Do the dc know why you divorced?

I have been damaged by my parents’ relationship & at 39 still have issues that I’m seeing a therapist for.

They stayed together for the kids - I wish they had separated & demonstrated good relationships for me.

Op you absolutely did the right thing. You probably struggle to see that because you have guilt and other emotions attached to the situation but as you can tell from reading all the replies to your post, anyone outside looking in would tell you you were at no fault in leaving him. You say it might have been better to stay to avoid a broken home but that home was already broken. All you would have been doing was trying to paper over the cracks to protect your DC. You didn't take the easy option out, you took the better option and your DC will understand that one day if they don't already.

No.4 is the key. It was unsafe for you and your children to stay. You did the right thing for all of you.

The kids never saw anything violent
Never assume this.
Kids hear things and this is what probably has affected your 20 YO.

If you had stayed, they may not even have a mum here now.
Violence escalates.
He may well have killed you a few years down the line.

STOP with the guilt.
You did absolutely the right thing.
Your DC are old enough to understand now so talk to them about it all if you think it might help.

You did NOTHING wrong and EVERYTHING right!
Just remember that.

Even if they didn't see the violence they will have felt the atmosphere.

For some women, having a financially set up life is very important and that takes precedence over the connection/chemistry involved in falling in love. I don't begrudge any woman this - it is a choice, and historically has been part of the contract - marry the wealthy man who can provide you with a good lifestyle, however I wouldn't be happy with someone wealthy if there was not love, respect, trust and all the other components of a happy relationship and it sounds as though you are not either.

It's not easy to walk away from wealth once you are acclimatised to it but you need to think which is more important to you. Therapy might help with that.

One of my children took it so badly, and I'm not sure that she's even over it now (despite being 20).

Does she understand the reasons you left? i.e. self respect, not tolerating domestic violence and cheating? Versus staying with someone just because they have money? You sound like a wonderful woman and you're a great role model for your DD.

He broke up your family, not you. His family sound like arseholes.

if he kicked and shoved you, it could have turned out a lot worse. Rather a broken home than a broken mother, i'm sure.

Op you did the right thing. My mother left my father. I took it badly, my mother and I had a difficult time.

I'm 40 now. Coincidentally today I was thinking about my mum and how I should thank her for teaching me the following -
You should never accept a relationship with a man who;
Doesn't ever thank you for dinner or the multitude of things you do for him on a daily basis
Ridicules what you say
Is mean with money
Flirts openly, cheats secretly with other women

Someday your grown up daughter will thank you too for teaching her about having standards.

Yes. Money is WAY down my list of things I'd want in a husband. Honesty and loyalty being right at the top.