Parents loan & Boyfriend

[Charlottesshoezzzz]

Looking for other people's perspective on my current situation so that I can see from other people's perspective if parents demands are unreasonable/reasonable.
Parents loaned me £5000 for deposit to buy house. Current partner of 6 months stays over a few nights a week ( 3 nights max ) Relationship is progressing & we are very happy together, there is talk of marriage & babies in the future.
Parents are demanding said boyfriend pays them the £5000 I owe seeing as though he is now sleeping here & benefiting from 'the house' they helped me buy by sleeping over & spending time here with me.
Have told parents I will pay them the £5000 when I sell the house as unfortunately the house isn't really big enough for the 2 of us to live here long term & we do plan to be together long term.
Parents are going NC with me after I have reached out & told them they will get the £5000 once I decide to sell ( which will probably be in the next year or 2 ) of course once we've been together longer as it's too soon to be doing anything major just yet.
By the time I decide to sell the house I feel that too much time has passed & I won't be able to forgive them for being what I feel is so unfair about this. I've met his family etc but he hasn't met mine due to them ignoring me until he coughs up the £5000.
I'm so embarrassed over it all & I've told him all of this.... he says he would pay them the £5000 to get them off my back & if that's what they want but I think it's all a little OTT & if he ever decided to move in here maybe that's when they would have a point in demanding such monies???
Also as not to drip feed... parents weren't demanding the £5000 from me before I met him, they have only started requesting it since he has been on the scene - I was paying it back in small instalments here & there.
Boyfriend treats me to meals out, mini breaks, leaves me money to treat myself etc... he has his own money & is by no means a sponger, parents won't hear any of this as they are ignoring me & they have no idea how well he treats me & cares for me.

Thoughts please.......looking for an outsider perspective on whether they are being unreasonable......

Oh OP, I really feel for you - I could have written your post word for word about 8 years ago as I was in exactly (spookily so) the same situation. Parents gave me money for a deposit (far more than 5k) with no strings attached (I just paid my mortgage not any rent to them) and as soon as my boyfriend started staying over they demanded rent off him as they saw him as "living in their property". They made me sign a deed of trust to stop him getting his hands on any money from the house. He couldn't have given a monkey about the money and thought they were cookoo.

I went NC with my parents, got engaged and married without their blessing or presence and paid them back when I sold the house.

It was the most stressful, difficult time of my life, and went on for far too long. Right up until I had our DS when they suddenly decided that having a grandchild was more important than the fighting although they were downright horrid when I told them I was pregnant.

Sadly now I've separated from DH and some of our issues do stem from how I let my parents back into our lives and how they refused to see him or visit DS when he was around.

I'm not sure I have any words of advice but for you and message me if you want to talk more xx

What a horrible situation to be in and I think very shameful on your parents.

Did they expect to be single for the rest of you life as this is how it sounds....

Or they first fella that came along would pay your debt...

I don't understand their trust issues... maybe they have money trust issues themselves.

So sorry for your situation you can choose your friends 

That's stupid! So your boyfriend of six months pays them £5000 and then wouldn't he own a huge chunk of their daughter's home? Where he doesn't even live? I would look into YOU getting a loan and getting them paid back, even if it costs you more in the long run.

@ImHudsonHesHicks me getting the loan is now the plan I think just to be rid of any possible hassle/scenes.

Because for sure every unannounced knock on the door will make me jumpy thinking its them coming to cause a scene whilst I'm with BF ( they have threatened to turn up at my house before & they do have a key )

Oh god. I really don't want that 

@Gemini69
Presumably because he takes care of her and her debts. She wasn’t repaying the loan and I guess they are annoyed with her.

I suspect the OP is being careless with her language but that’s what she is saying. Perhaps it’s a family thing. Anyway she knows the solution. Pay her debts on time and regularly. Or get a normal loan from a bank who won’t go NC when she decides not to pay.

Never mind offering to increase your direct debit, just do it and let it run til you’re paid off. Avoid further loans. Pointless getting into further debt.

Get the locks changed so that they can't come snooping around while you're at work.

@Newchapterstarting thank you for taking the time to share your story. Your story sounded very stressful & similar to how my parents would react ( re presenting deeds to be signed )I think we would both agree that arguing with parents has to be up there in the most stressful events.

I really am hoping that I sort it out with my parents, I've taken on board some of the comments here re them being annoyed with me for not being regular with my payments & I am trying to build bridges & prove to them I can rectify that.

I've also taken on board how me swanning about on city breaks may look to them, but if my partner decides to treat me I mean what should I do? Ask for the cash instead & pay them? I think most people on here would agree that I can't do that?!
My parents are usually lovely people, all be it can be quite controlling & annoying at times.

Lesson learnt here... do not accept loans from my parents as it's not worth the hassle & they will always believe they have a control factor over it.

What pisses me off the most is that my mum has always asked about dates etc & seemed disappointed when past dates fizzled out etc, yet this is the one guy I know they would adore. Like I said he is a good egg & im hoping maybe one day when & if they did meet him that they will explain their reasons & hopefully me & him can see it from their point of view.

You’ve been with him 6 months? Have your parents heard you’re already discussing marriage and babies? Because if you’d been making payments by instalment previously and then stopped, and began talking about such a new relationship like that, I can see why your parents are alarmed.

So hang on, your parents lent you the £5k but with unspoken terms & conditions including you not ever having a boyfriend?!

I'd be concerned for their mental health tbh

if he ever decided to move in here maybe that's when they would have a point in demanding such monies???

..........Er.... No.... Its YOUR debt not his!

Lesson learnt here... do not accept loans from my parents as it's not worth the hassle & they will always believe they have a control factor over it.

An alternative lesson is 'stick to your word and follow the repayment plan when borrowing money from your parents.' Your parents are definitely being odd but the way you continue to downplay your non-payment of the loan is telling. That and letting a very new boyfriend (you would have been together for five months or less when he paid) give you thousands of pounds.

Your parents are unreasonable to demand your boyfriend pays but from what you've posted I suspect there's a huge backstory.

Well at first I thought your parents were barking, of course your BF should not have to pay your loan and of course he doesn’t have a claim on your house just because he stays there a few nights a week!

But you also have a terrible attitude to money. Taking it off people, not repaying it. Your BF would be well shot of you and I have no doubt he soon will be as neither you nor your parents appear to know how to behave.

I don't think they're worried about BF having a claim on the house at all. They have a point about the lack of regular repayments on the loan - I'd get antsy about that myself - but why didn't they actually say so instead of this "person who drops round a couple of times a week has to pay it" nonsense? Look daughter, we're worried you're a bit flaky with this loan, now you've got a new fellow on the scene you're talking about repaying us if/when you sell and move somewhere with him, we simply aren't prepared/able to wait for £5000 until your life pans out, we want a regular repayment schedule, ok? That would make sense and I'm sure no-one would think it was unreasonable.

Calculate how much you still owe your parents and get a loan for it
Pay them back. RePay your loan monthly instead of them

Even get a loan for £2500 so that they have some of their money returned.

Daren't tell the nutty parents about the cash gift as I just know they will go all OTT & presume this is just a ploy to get half of my house - yes I know them that well!

With that in mind, about knowing them that welI, I wouldnt have accepted any money to buy a house.
I would have continued renting.

I hope you get it sorted OP.

I've not read the whole thread...but
Your parents loaned you the money, not your boyfriend. In fact I question why you even told your BF about your parents demands...because it might seem as though you agtee with them by doing so.

How do they know how ofyen he's at your house anyway?

I'll be honest....if it was me in his shoes I'd be very pissed off and probably end the relationship.

That's not the kind of family I want to marry into.

Just read how he found out....you should not take your parents calls while he's there or talk to your siblings while he's around.

Regarding them turning up ad they have a key...change the locks. It's your house.

I don't understand such unreasonable parents. I'd be furious with such behaviour.

This requires you and your siblings standing up to your parents.

Gimme a shout when this ends up on Judge Rinder. Love a bit of Rinder.

Two minds here.
Firstly, it's not for your boyfriend to pay back the loan, and that's a silly request from your parents .
But it may depend on the communication you have had with them about how much time they think he spends at your place. Are they aware or not? Perhaps they are worried or unaware that you are taking care not to let him on the bills etc, and that they aren't informed fully about the details as to how someone can make a claim on a partners home. Perhaps they see their money being lost to your boyfriend?

If you have not been paying them as agreed then they have every right to be arsey, though that should be directed at you. The fact that you have run up additional debt, let your boyfriend pay it off, and are regularly accepting expensive gifts and outings may have gotten up their nose ( even though you think they don't know about the additional debt, they might (key to house /mail left lying around and haven't mentioned it to you.)
I think while they are unreasonable in this request, you are unreasonable as well for not paying as you said you would, running up more debt and setting yourself up in a relationship where you are the domestic slave in return for treats.
Sort your finances so you are independent from everyone, and when you get a loan to consolidate your debts - pay the boyfriend back too ( but after you pay your parents).

Why werent you paying the regular amount? I bet that's what has pissed them off.

Do they know that your boyfriend cleared your credit card debt of several thousands? Could they have heard that from someone? Maybe they think you should have prioritised paying them back.

Looks like your parents are expecting your boyfriend to take over the care of you. Sorry about that.

Best not to be dependent on anyone in life. But I get that you are young and could take a few years...

Certainly don’t let A bad pay, (and I wouldn’t if I was him, he has no interest in the property). I think you’re parents need/want this cash back and feel awkward and think you are maybe a bit unreliable paying back

Your parents are bonkers - as it stands your BF has zero claim on your property but if he pays them the £5K deposit he's all of a sudden invested in the property and could claim that a % belongs to him, or a % of future equity.

I don't know how to solve the problem with your parents but please don't let your BF invest in your home - you're better off to get your own loan.

Good luck!